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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Riddled with guilt

38 replies

halpert · 16/01/2019 10:52

DS2 is playing alone and I'm laid on the sofa too exhausted to get up

I'm heavily pregnant. Due in 2w. Can't fucking sleep at night. DS is beautiful and perfect and so loving and I feel so bad that he's having to entertain himself Sad

Obviously he's fed and clean, I have nobody to help and take him out for the day so it's more enjoyable for him.

OP posts:
Breakawaygirl · 16/01/2019 11:03

Guilt is a useless emotion once you've taken the lesson from it.

Children love to play alone and are happy to entertain themselves. I am sure just knowing you are near means so much to him.

You are pregnant and close to giving birth - your hormones are probably making you feel worse than you are.

I am sure you are a great mum so please don't feel guilty!

Fatasfook · 16/01/2019 11:05

He will be fine! Take care of yourself.

Thiswayorthatway · 16/01/2019 11:06

Playing alone?! Lucky you, DC1 was watching a lot of TV when I was in a similar position.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2019 11:10

God I know I'm an old (49yr old) fart but I despair nowadays of how many parents think they need to entertain their kids constantly.

The same parents are normally tearing their hair out a few years down the line, when their kids still haven't learnt to entertain themselves and even if they have a friend over, they still expect mum or dad to join in.

Just chill. Your child will have to learn to do more self entertaining when the baby arrives, so it's good practice.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/01/2019 11:11

Chill. Your DS is playing happily by himself.

That's great!!!

Original poster
halpert · 16/01/2019 11:13

Thank you all for your comments.

He does play alone and he does entertain himself, it's just that we've been cooped up indoors for 3 days and I feel guilty that he's not getting to do anything again. And feel bad that the tv is on all day again.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/01/2019 11:13

Not just great but completely normal.

Certainly nothing to be 'riddled with guilt' about.

Original poster
halpert · 16/01/2019 11:14

He seems happy enough, running around with a bloody spatula that he hasn't put down for 2 days

OP posts:
Breakawaygirl · 16/01/2019 11:16

Sometimes that is the best that you can do. The idea that children must be entertained ALL the time is frankly idealistic. It's okay for him to be bored. Then he can learn how to DO something with the time when he is bored.

My husband was raised by a single mum with 4 kids - she didn't have too much time to divvy up. When he said he was bored she'd make him do a household chore!

When bored he can turn to his imagination, talk to his mummy for a bit, find a new game...a little boredom is not a bad thing. It will teach him very early that he can also find ways to entertain himself and use time and not to be entitled that every second must be filled with fun.

When you feel better, you can take him somewhere nice.

You could even say when mummy is better, what are some things/places you're excited to go to with the new baby? Would you like to write a letter for your new sibling?

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 16/01/2019 11:38

Maybe he could do some pictures "for the baby"?

DistanceCall · 16/01/2019 11:38

It's GOOD for children to play be themselves - that's what develops their imagination and self-reliance. You are not there to "entertain" him, but to be his mum.

Give yourself a break.

Knittedfairies · 16/01/2019 11:39

He might be enjoying running around with spatulas and not socialising yet again... Don't beat yourself up about it.

User758172 · 16/01/2019 11:41

It’s a good thing for kids to entertain themselves! They have to rely on their imagination and creativity. Nothing to beat yourself up about Smile

DonCorleoneTheThird · 16/01/2019 11:43

the weather is shit, there are bugs spreading in all the playgroups, let him enjoy his cosy days for awhile!

What about nursery or preschool? Could you send him a couple of mornings or days a week? That would solve all your problems, apart from having to physically bringing him there of course.

If you really feel too guilty, order a new toy or activity set on amazon, but you probably don't even need to do that

Bluetrews25 · 16/01/2019 11:45

Great that he has learned the invaluable skill of occupying himself.
It's a complete myth that DCs NEED to be entertained every second of every day. So many parents stress over how to occupy them every day in school holidays. Please don't buy into this.
They need down time and to be bored so that they play imaginatively with the masses of toys they have been given, or old spatulas!
You are doing great.
Take your rest when you can.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 16/01/2019 11:46

Don't feel guilty, there's no law that says that children must be entertained non stop every day, or taken out of the house every day.

It's great that he is playing by himself, and at least he has a spatula, what more could a 2yo want? Grin

It is totally normal for a lot of people to stay home and do nothing. A lot of people can't afford to get out and about every day or don't have transport, so totally normal to do what you are doing.

motheroffourcats · 16/01/2019 11:59

Perhaps you and DS can sing songs and clap hands and make up some silly songs? He could be helpful for mummy and bring you things to look at like his favourite toy. Writing things/letters is a good idea. Talking and having chats is always good. Talk about the television and movies and how do they come to your house. Chatting is a good one on one time to strengthen bonds. These last few days are going to be exhausting. Congratulations on your pregnancy BTW. Fingers crossed for a smooth delivery.

Gatehouse77 · 16/01/2019 12:00

Do you feel guilty because you think you should be doing something with him or because you think other people will judge you?

I had (have and mine are teenagers and I'm not pregnant) days like this. If DH and I are okay with it as it's a temporary situation then I don't feel guilty.

DonCorleoneTheThird · 16/01/2019 12:05

that's one of the reasons I didn't let my kids watch tv when they were young, I saved it guilt-free for days when I was unwell or really needed it! It also kept them occupy more because they were not used to have it on all the time.
You need to rest, be grateful for all the different all-day children channels on option!

MadameGazelleIsMyHomegirl · 16/01/2019 12:06

I could reel off a long list of children I know who are mentally and emotionally UNABLE to play / entertain themselves because they’ve spent their whole lives with everything being facilitated by their mums/screens. Honestly, you are doing him a MASSIVE favour. Learning to be bored and do something about it is a huge life skill.

Tighnabruaich · 16/01/2019 12:10

I bet he LOVES that spatula! He's fine, it's not as if he's being sent up chimneys. Rest and relax.

treaclesoda · 16/01/2019 12:13

I'm a big believer in children entertaining themselves. I think it's how it should be.

I don't mean I ignore them, I spent many an hour drinking imaginary cups of tea and being the patient whilst they got their stethoscope out and pretended to listen to my heart. But I don't think it's healthy to be constantly entertained and interacted with. I think humans, even little ones, need solitary time as well. Solitary as in playing quietly in the same room, not locked in a cupboard, before anyone misinterprets.

Enjoy your rest.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/01/2019 12:14

He sounds like a very happy, well adjusted little boy.
If you can't relax, sing, and teach him some much loved nursery rhymes, it's sad that they seem to be dying out.

caringcarer · 16/01/2019 12:23

Don't feel guilty he is not crying. Maybe you could call him over to you and read him a story if he gets bored.

You are heavily pregnant and must rest particularly if you can't sleep at night.

I do hope you have someone to look after him when you go to hospital to have the baby and for week or two afterwards.

LagunaBubbles · 16/01/2019 12:25

People telling you not to feel guilty won't work, it would be helpful to understand how you are "riddled with guilt" about this.

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