How do I get DH to switch off from work when he gets home?

[thisisnothow]

DH has a very full on stressful job. His working hours are not actually too bad and he is home for 6 ish most days. This is great in principle except that he spends the whole evening thinking about work or worrying about what will go wrong. He has to organise a lot of work for others to carry out and is convinced they are not doing it properly so finds it impossible to leave them to their role so sort of ends up doing everybody's jobs for them. This is impossible for him to cope with as he already has a massive workload. I have pointed this out to him, but he doesn't seen able to relax and trust them. I just don't know how to help him. As a result of this he is very distant, makes little conversation with me apart from work stuff, and doesn't listen properly to me so if I tell him something he knows nothing about it when I talk about it later. Anyone else in this situation? Could really do with some tips.

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Me and the dh exchange rants or anecdotes about our days when we get in then no more. Can you explain how you feel to him and ask him to ‘switch off’ after a certain time?

This isn't going to end well. Micromanagement is annoying to the colleagues & your DH will burn out.

Is it anxiety? Lack if senior management support?

Does he have to keep checking his email? Or thinks he does? If so maybe go out together somewhere where no phones allowed. Cinema or yoga?

A think a huge shortage in work force his senior just keeps giving him more and more to do so workload is completely unmanageable in a normal day. Then he feels he is looking control of the his so has to go and check its going right of you see what I mean.

Telling him to switch off doesn't work. He just sits there thinking about it.

If you feel up to it, and you're not sick or otherwise busy with childcare etc, and IF you like to do it, I'd give him a blow job. I do it with my DH all the time as he has a very stressful and dangerous job. However, we are child free, and I'm semi retired. I also don't do it when I'm sick like I am right now. Not to mention, he does the same type of thing for me when I'm feeling stressed. Please bear in mind we both love giving and receiving, so it should never feel like an obligation. Both of you should always have fun with it!

Good luck!

He's overworking to manage his anxiety. If you try to stop him it will just stress him out more. Vicious cycle.
He's not a child, I'd explain how you feel then back off.
Our local health service runs work stress courses, maybe he could do one of those. Google iapt in your area.

Well I wasn't expecting that @MissLanes. We do have dc but I'm sure we could find a solution to that. A very novel idea but worth a try and I could see it being pretty effective.

I have thought about stress courses actually. I think I'll investigate further.

One way to do this is to disturb his current pattern. So, it's the equivalent of behaving like you have a dog to walk, even when you don't. E.g., he comes into the house, drops his bag, changes if necessary, takes the leash, and goes straight back out for a dog walk.

He might well benefit from this sort of disruption to re-set him for being able to leave his working day behind him. There is an allocated period for decompressing from the work day and then it's done until he's back in the office.

Otherwise, his work life will continue to bleed over into the rest of your shared life and harm you both.

He sounds like he’s in the ‘panic zone’ as I like to call it. There is the ‘stretch zone’ when work is challenging you - in a good way, then the panic zone when it’s not in a good way and makes you anxious and worry about it constantly. I’ve been there before.

To be honest I don’t think you can help that much. He needs to be honest about what the actual source of his worry is. In my case, my reputation superseded my ability and my senior just left me to it thinking a total knew what I was doing and I had this! The truth was I needed support, some skills development and a bit more support. He needs to speak up otherwise they will just think everything is fine and eventually he will burn out.

GP should be able to refer him for stress/anxiety management help. A lot of places now do telephone or online support which he could fit around his job.

thisisnothow It is believe me!
But on a serious note, I hope whatever advice you take, it works out for you both!

All the best,

Exercise or sex
I identify with how he’s feeling-I had a job like that. He’s in fight or flight mode. My DH would force me out for long walks. But vigorous exercise would be better.
I left that department as I didn’t see it improving