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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help exclusively pumping?

69 replies

PeachMelba78 · 15/01/2019 22:50

I gave birth yesterday via emergency c-section. I am a surrogate and made the choice to express milk as I expressed and breastfed my own son well for 7 months.
I managed 2 great pumps getting out colostrum both times. I have stuck to pumping 9 times a day but ever since the first 2 times I haven’t managed to get anything out.
I am using a Medela double electric pump and I just want to get some advice!
Please do not offer any opinions on surrogacy as this is not what the thread is about, but I do think that the fact that I am not breastfeeding and I don’t have strong feelings for him could inhibit my pumping.
Help!!

OP posts:
popcornwizard · 15/01/2019 23:21

Can you 'borrow' a baby from an understanding parent. Don't ask if it's the first born.

dottybutterfly · 15/01/2019 23:21

Have a nice rest, don't beat yourself up over it, and go again when your ready, drink and eat plenty Are you still in hospital now? Xx

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 15/01/2019 23:22

Were the first two pumps just colostrum? Its very early days, and very soon to be pumping for 20 mins at a time. Give yourself a break! Even half of that would be great.

There can be quite a lot of emotions involved in breastfeeding. Are you sure its in your best interests? Chances are baby will thrive on formula...

Original poster
PeachMelba78 · 15/01/2019 23:23

Popcorn I would feel very uncomfortable doing that. I will have to see my midwife but I think I need to make sure that I am looking after myself, physically and emotionally.

Lucy yes I really need to get some sleep! Night all!

OP posts:
TheEndofIt · 15/01/2019 23:29

Not sure if this will help or not, but I got loads of milk for my 1st DC - and very little for my 2nd.

I expressed as they were both early & in nicu. Did exactly the same both times, but just didn't get the supply 2nd time round.

I hand expressed to start with & each time it took me 1hr to fill a 1ml syringe. Moved on to a double pump after 2 days, but my supply didn't increase 2nd time.

I was very upset but couldn't have done more. Go easy on yourself Thanks

EncroachingLoaf · 15/01/2019 23:30

I exclusively pumped after having a c-section with my first as he couldn't latch and I got no support fixing that. I got sod all other than a dribble for a while but persevered and before I knew it I could have opened my own dairy Blush it just took a bit of time to get going.

It could be being affected by lack of closeness to the baby I expect but it would be hard to know if that was the cause as other things could be affecting it too.

Of course it's totally your choice and do what you want but personally I think you have done more than enough already and pumping exclusively is HARD. I did it for 5 months for my own baby and to be honest I fucking hated it. I had piled loads of pressure and guilt on myself to do it and was not in a good place at the time. Good luck whatever you do though.

SofiaAmes · 15/01/2019 23:34

Moist heat pad on your breast?
How wonderful that you gave such an opportunity to another family!!!

Original poster
PeachMelba78 · 16/01/2019 08:00

So I woke up at 3.30 and massaged my breasts and tried to pump with my electric pump. I got nothing again so I am going to ask my midwife to check my breasts and give me a hand if she can.
Thanks for all the advice and support!

OP posts:
Claudia1980 · 16/01/2019 08:10

Initially you should only pump for 10 minutes but do it more frequently. Like every 1 1/2 - 2hours. This encourages milk flow and mimics demand feeding. 20 minutes is too long. That’s the maximum length you should pump for but that’s weeks down the track.

popcornwizard · 16/01/2019 10:33

This is only my personal experience, but feeding my first there was milk everywhere. I leaked almost constantly, had to wear multiple pads and sleep on towels in case he slept for an extra hour in the night, then had to express late evening before I went to bed after he started to sleep through. With the second (only 18 months later, and stopped feeding the first at 14 months) my boobs were a lot more efficient, producing only what was needed and no leakage or pumping.

What I'm trying to say is that you may find that it just doesn't happen as you wanted it too. What you've done is amazing, and I can't start to understand where you might be emotionally right now even if the birth had been straightforward. Try not to worry, you've already gone above and beyond what most people would do for others, please be kind to yourself. You are amazing.

popcornwizard · 16/01/2019 10:38

I've just re-read the whole thread again - just to clarify, I meant to borrow a baby for snuggles and smell, not to actually breastfeed it. That's why I suggested that it should be from an experienced mother, ideally one that is/has breastfed.

IWantMyHatBack · 16/01/2019 10:45

DS was unwell at birth and couldnt breastfeed, so j had to pump. What made the biggest difference for me was a few days after my milk came in I spent an entire day and night just focusing on pumping. For the whole day I pumped every single hour, but for 10-15 mins only. I went to bed early (was exhausted) but set an alarm to pump every 2 hours overnight. It worked almost immediately and the amount I could pump more than doubled. The days after that I still pumped really frequently, just before I went to bed, once at night, first thing when I woke up and every couple of hours during the day.
It was really hard work, but it worked really well. You can also have times during the day where you pump more often to mimic cluster feeding which should increase supply.

(only going on personal experience here, and passing on advice I was given at the time)

dottybutterfly · 16/01/2019 10:46

I hope your feeling better today op, don't beat yourself up, the baby will be absolutely fine with formula, I know it's completely different but when I had my dd by c section, I found it so painful to hold her in a position to breast feed and she just wouldn't latch, so I pumped I did it for 6 months when I decided it was time to give up and switch to formula ( dd has intolerances and wasn't well on my milk ) I really did beat myself up over it and I look back and think why did I do that, hope your okay xx

minipie · 16/01/2019 10:49

Do you feel your milk has actually come in (swollen boobs)?

Maybe look at photos of your son when he was a newborn?

BeanTownNancy · 16/01/2019 10:49

You want to do either hand massaging or using the "let down"/massaging/suckling function of the pump for a long time (10 minutes or so) at first before using the actual "pumping" action, to trick your boobs into thinking there's a baby suckling there. I expressed for 20-30 minute sessions at a time in the first few days and often only got a few mm of milk out. Also, I'm not sure if this helps or not but I just didn't get on with the Medela pump at the hospital - was so much more comfortable with my Spectra and produced much more milk.

By the end, after exclusively expressing for 8 months, I had a full drawer of my freezer full of milk and I donated it to a milk bank for neonates. So it can be done if you get lucky, but don't be disheartened if it doesn't, it's not easy at all.

RChick · 16/01/2019 10:50

Definitely attempt hand expressing until your milk comes in. Worked for me in the first week.

Gunpowder · 16/01/2019 10:52

Wow OP! I agree you have gone above and beyond and I’d imagine it’s very different pumping for another baby to pumping for your own! I think it’s ok to say to the baby’s family that it’s not going to work and they should carry on with formula. You have already given them an amazing start by growing their baby. Look after yourself and don’t feel pressured to pump unless that’s what you really want. Flowers

SlowOx · 16/01/2019 10:54

One day after birth you shouldn't be using a pump. You don't pump colostrum. I doubt your milk will come in until 2/3/4/5 days after a c section (mine was day 3).

You should hand express your colostrum into a syringe. The midwife should be able to help you with this. Then when your milk comes in, you can use a pump.

Lots and lots of bad advice on the internet (and real life) about women producing "not enough milk" in the first few days, when actually the colostrum is enough. There is no need to give formula before the milk comes in (although I understand that it's the parent's choice to do that, not yours). But this "not enough milk so had to give formula" ONE DAY after birth is a ridiculous damaging myth. It's only meant to be colostrum one day after birth. Baby will be fine, as billions of human babies before them have been, before the invention of formula.

And RE: exclusively pumping, I imagine with a surrogate that would be very complicated, depending how far baby will live from you (for milk storage/transport reasons). I exclusively pumped for weeks before baby could latch, and the first few weeks you will probably manage, although it will be relentless, and mean lots of pumping in the middle of the night etc and through the day (probably every 2 hours). But doable. Once baby's appetite picks up after a month or two it'll be a lot harder. How long do you plan to do it for?

elliejjtiny · 16/01/2019 10:57

You're doing really well OP. Are you getting anything out at all? When I was expressing colostrum the amounts were really tiny, less than 1ml at a time

piraterach · 16/01/2019 10:57

I exclusively pumped for my LG for 13 months. My milk didn't come in until day 4 so don't be disheartened and keep up with the pumping.

I did every 2 hours at the beginning and every 3 during the night. Between 2-4am is an incredibly important time for pumping.

I've also heard a lot of good things about coconut water if you fancied trying that. There are also fb groups that may be able to give you advice but aim for exclusively pumping ones as normal breastfeeding groups aren't appropriate.

Good luck and well done you! Happy recovery Smile

Original poster
PeachMelba78 · 16/01/2019 11:07

SlowOx I meant that I am exclusively pumping, not that he will be fed exclusively on breast milk. He is already on formula.

I tried again in the night as I said, but I really want to see my midwife as I feel like my breasts are full.

I used a Medela pump last time and got on really well with it which is why I wanted to use it again, but with a double pump for ease.

Thanks for all the advice, it’s a tricky setup so I am just taking it a day at a time and trying not to put any pressure on myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeachMelba78 · 16/01/2019 11:08

Ellie nothing at the moment, about 1mls each time of the first 2 feeds.
I got some sleep and I have been relaxing this morning so I will try again until my midwife shows up

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/01/2019 11:19

You've done an absolutely amazing thing, and if you can't provide milk, it doesn't diminish what you've done at all.

I'm not sure if congratulations is appropriate here, so I'll just say all the best Thanks

Original poster
PeachMelba78 · 16/01/2019 11:40

I got a tiny dribble out of my right side! So excited!! I wanted to pump for me to aid my uterus and being able to provide nourishment for the baby is a great side effect so hopefully I can get going properly.

Thanks for the well wishes x

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 16/01/2019 16:25

That's brilliant, well done