Money issues

[Inferiorbeing]

AIBU..

I have serve anxiety particularly centred around money. My DP knows this. Over the course of 3 days he spent £560 (some on stuff we needed some we didn't) I had a full on anxiety attach and he agreed to stop spending aside from the car insurance £500 and his car £120 and necessity spending until pay day so I didn't worry. Well I came home from work today and he has spent £100 more on other "stuff".

I lost it, I know it's his money but he also knows about my anxiety and has agreed to stop spending so much.

So now he has spent nearly £700 in 4 days and borrowed money from his savings to do so. Before pay day he has at least another £700 to go and he had already spent his whole pay check.

AIBU to be upset or is he in the wrong?

You said it's his money. Do you have a joint account for bills & equal access to money & savings ?

We don't have a joint account yet, he is responsible for the mortgage whereas i cover the rest of the bills.. i feel like i am being unreasonable as it is his money but its also so frustrating that he's like a child when he gets a few days off work. Last time he had 4 days off he spent £500 on 'stuff' its not like he even had much to show for it

Can he afford it?

Has he paid the mortgage this month? Has he missed any other financial commitments?

What 'stuff' , there's a difference between Lego sets or computer games (for example) and a new Hoover, car service, fridge freezer etc. If it is luxuries can he afford it? If he can surely he should be allowed to treat himself from his savings? Are you getting any help with your anxiety? Would a different financial set up help, eg a joint account that all bills and mortgage come out of, you both transfer a set amount at the start of the month to cover it all, that way you feel secure that whatever else he spends all necessaries are covered and he can relax and enjoy his personal spends without being being questioned.

I appreciate you have anxiety (I do too) but that aside, what is the impact on you? As a result of his spending, will you have to pick up the slack regarding bills etc or will it affect your financial arrangement somehow?

This affects in a big way whether he is reasonable or not.

How long have you lived together OP and has he behaved like this other months? Now you're sharing a home he has to step up and be a bit more careful with money. If he gets paid at the end of each month and has already spent his wages and dipped into savings then he's not demonstrating that he's mature enough to take on these responsibilities.

I agree with earlier poster.
You should have a joint account work out exactly how much your monthly bills, food, mortgage, childcare etc come to, divide that by half and both pay the same into the joint account plus an extra £50 each to pay for those annual things like car insurance etc.
Then anything you have left is yours to do what you want with (save or spend) and same with him.
You might even both agree to put a set amount in a savings account each month as well.
Works perfectly for me and DH.

Sorry but it sounds like you are using your anxiety to control your DP. Has he been or is he in debt currently? If not then provided he has the money needed to pay the mortgage and any other agreed shared expenses then it's really up to him to do what he wants with his money.

Perhaps set up a shared account for the shared bills and then money goes in from each of you at the start of the month, that way you don't need to know what he's spending .

Your anxiety can not be an excuse to control or be financially abusive to your DP
What is the stuff, grown ups toys or decent shoes for work/nice food etc

Are you anxious about him spending money you think he shouldn't be? Not sure of how you work your finances. That aside if you generally have a problem with anxiety you should seek help.