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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..to ask how to get DS(7) to behave in school

10 replies

TooMuchWorkToday · 15/01/2019 17:45

He's great at home! Polite, sweet, kind, a bit grumpy occasionally but generally listens well, does what we say, quite mature for his age, county level in a sport and listens well to the coach etc....

At school, every day he comes home saying he's been in trouble for not listening, talking in class, and not doing what the teacher asks.

I have no idea what to do about it. I've asked the teacher and she just says 'oh he's fine' (well why did you put him in time out in another class every day last week if he's 'fine'?)

I've asked if he wants to move school (as all the boys in his class seem to be in trouble constantly and I'm wondering if a change of school, to one with more discipline, and some better behaved friends, would help), but he says he likes it where he is, and part of me thinks he needs to learn to manage in this environment, no matter what the friendships and peer pressure. I've told him if he doesn't start behaving well I WILL move him to another school. I am also trying reward charts etc... We've done role plays, talked about ways to manage things differently etc.. we also have no tablet time in the week now until all the time outs stop. Each night he seems keen to change and try at school the next day, but then comes home and says he's been in time out again.

Its so so hard as he's fine at home (in fact great! I love him to bits and he's such a great kid at home!) I have no control over what happens at school!

Anyone got any suggestions?

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 15/01/2019 17:55

How do you know his behaviour is really that bad at school? It sounds more like the school are just quite quick off the draw with time outs. No child is going to have perfect behaviour and if the school has a policy of jumping quite quickly to some form of punishment for talking or silliness then it's inevitable that lots of kids will end up in time out quite alot.

Mediumred · 15/01/2019 17:57

I dunno, normally I would say a kid who was being put in time out every day was a bit of a handful who needed to shape up but he sounds a good wee lad at home and at his sport (and it’s unusual, but not unheard of, for a kid to be more of a handful at school than at home).

I’m also reluctant to put this on the teacher but this does maybe sound like more of a class-wide issue, that the boys are just being super tricky and the teacher is maybe going straight to time out whereas another teacher might use different discipline methods or maybe might be a bit more tolerant over their daftness.

Is this just a Y2 problem? How was he with his previous teachers? Not excusing him by the way but just wondering if this is really worth something moving schools over, obviously anything he can do to improve his behaviour would be good but it’s hard to see what you can do.

TooMuchWorkToday · 15/01/2019 19:40

Thanks both!

Allmysemllysocks - I did wonder if maybe he's not as bad as I'm thinking - but at age 7 I never was in trouble! His 5 yr old brother is never in trouble either! So time-out everyday doesn't seem great to me! (but maybe it's ok? the teacher seems to think so?) We had a really tearful night tonight as I was getting quite firm and telling him things need to change, but I do feel a bit sorry for him as he's a good sweet kid at home and I don't really know what advice to give. I said 'just do what the teacher asks, sit quietly, listen etc'. He asked how to do that and I didn't really know what to say! I just said he has to try! We tried some role play and talked about what he could do in different senarios, but I've done all this before and it seems to have little effect!

Mediumred - he didn't have a great reception to be honest - similar to how he is now, always getting sent to head teacher. Year 1 he was fine. Now the poor behaviour is back. I'm actually at my wit's end. I did consider moving him in reception to another school, but last year went so well I thought we were in the clear! Now I just don't know what to do :(

OP posts:
Mediumred · 16/01/2019 11:57

Poor you, it sounds like you are both really trying and he wants to improve, he’s not ‘revelling’ in his poor behaviour. Have you had a proper sit down chat with his teacher, maybe his head too, to explain that you are concerned about his behaviour but it doesn’t marry with the boy you see at home.

I would be reluctant to move an otherwise happy child but I doesn’t sound like this is a great fit for him. I guess otherwise it’s just hoping that with mor maturity he grows out of this silliness.

waterrat · 16/01/2019 11:59

Is he bored ? It is widely known that the UK education system has a huge focus on formal learning much earlier than other European countries. Bad behaviour in reception is really sad because four and five year olds are naturally enthusiastic and need to have that energy managed well by school

I would move schools

waterrat · 16/01/2019 12:00

Time out every day is absolutely not ok and if the school think it is that awful

He is being made to feel like a failure day on day out.

BusyMum47 · 16/01/2019 12:17

I would ask for a proper sit down meeting with the school (his teacher AND another member of staff - Head, Deputy, SENCO or whoever they think relevant) & basically say everything you have in your post! See what they say & go from there.

CatWhisker · 16/01/2019 13:00

Have the school confirmed he was put in time out every day for a week? It's odd they are saying he's fine if so. Agree about meeting to get to the bottom of it

TheNoodlesIncident · 16/01/2019 13:29

Agree with PP, since what the teacher says contradicts what your son says, you do need to have a meeting at school. If the teacher has an over punitive style you need to know, as it's having a profound effect on your ds's well-being. I would imagine by now he's starting every school day with worry about what he'll do to get into trouble today.

It may well be that another school is a better fit for him, since YR was not good, Y1 was good, Y2 not good - it looks more like an individual teacher's tolerances or style rather than 100% your dc. But you need to get to the bottom of it.

Grubsmummy · 16/01/2019 14:04

Hi there i have similar problems with my 7 year old son. He's in year 3 and not doing too bad at the moment but weve found it depends hugely on what teachers he has.
Last year I was very stressed about it all to the point it made me ill. Ended up they wanted him assessing for adhd. This has been done and all fine, no adhd or concerns.
His teacher this year deals with him much better and in response he behaves better!
I've accepted now that this is going to be our lives throughout my sons education

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