Feeling really overwhelmed

[Havingabaddaytoday]

Sorry if this is a non-sensical ramble I'm hoping writing it down helps and my minds a bit all over the place.

I'm a single mum to a 18 month old, work 3 days a week and get UC top ups. I live 100 miles from any family and have no friends. Child's father isn't involved due to abuse. I also suffer with terrible anxiety and mild depression.

I was finding it hard coping all the time with no social life, day in day out not speaking to anyone, I tried baby groups etc. But didn't manage to make any friends (or even hold a conversation) so I decided I'd move near my mum and dad 100 miles away. They are retiring soon and can help me out with child care more easily and it will be nice to just be able to pop over for a cup of tea and a chat without it turning into a 4 day event.

So I found a house, paid my deposit (parents helped as they are excited I'm moving closer) handed in my notice on my current place and found a job for three days a week. All good.

Except now I can't find a nursery, parents don't want to commit to having DD set days as it limits them in what they want to do (which I totally understand) they will help out a lot they just don't want to be tied to it iyswim.

So now it looks like I can't take my job, without my job I'm terrified the UC are going to sanction me (which means stopping all.money) because I'll have "voluntarily left employment" which me and I'll have no job and no money. Which means I can't pay rent on my new house. I move on the 31st and can't put off moving because my house has already been rented to someone else.

I have 2 weeks to pack the house, I don't know where to start. I now have no job and no way of paying rent and feel like it's all my fault and just keep thinking what the fuck have I done? My heart is beating out of my chest I can literally see it through my jumper and has been for the last 2 days. I can't eat and I can't sleep and there for can't think straight as to how I'm going to get out of this mess.

Do you think I'm catastrophsing? (I have form for this) please someone tell me it will all work out and they can't stop my benefits for leaving my job. I live in a big city atm and never once imagined I'd not be able to get a nursery place so just left it to last to sort out.

What can I do?

Have you called the local council there to ask them for help and been told there are no places at all? They are obliged to help you to some extent.

The council about nurseries? I haven't I didn't know I could? Surely if they are full tjey are full? (Genuine question not meant to sound like im having a go i appreciate all help and advice) There is only 3 that I could realistically get to and one has a place on a Monday only and the other 2 are one said they might have some days coming up in the summer.

Have you looked at childminders? Can't your parents help out until a nursery place is secured?

Surely your parents won’t stand by and watch you lose your job and home? You could ask them to cover the first three weeks while you scout out local childminders etc. Your parents could also ask around their neighbours and contacts, and try local FB pages or pop an ad in the local press.

No registered childminders?

Ask your parents for short-term help with your DC. Explain it will just be for a few weeks

I would also say childminders. And also ask the council. Is there a children’s centre where you are moving too, they may have more information for you.

Thank you i thought I must be missing something, never used a childminder so didn't think of them. Do they give you proper invoices? Because I have to show my invoice to the UC every month with proof of payment.

Babdoc and Itstimetoscream's suggestions both sound reasonable.

Anyone would feel overwhelmed in your position OP and you're definitely not being unreasonable. Moving to be closer to your parents sounds like a great plan though. It would be even better if they could look after your DC whilst you work for the first month or two until you can secure childcare- could you let them know how much difference that would make?.

In a way as you have anxiety and depression you are not opting out of a job, you are making a decision for health reasons so perhaps explain that on the form when you report the change of address and circumstances?

Yes they will invoice you (or they should do!)

I agree with the other posters that say talk to your mum and dad about some cover just while you sort out a nursery, I know they don't want to commit to it long term but you just need a bit of help, could the three day job be adjusted to a two day job and you could take the Monday place for one day? leaving mum and dad with just one day, they can see what your problems are, and also ask them to ask other people, get back onto nursery's ask do they know of any minders with places, cant say for certain but round where I am come the summer the nursery's empty out so there is a good chance everything will change after Easter.

have you transport? I know you say there are three in area you can use but can you throw the net wider, I had that problem with my youngest when I had to go back to work, he was younger than planned, couldn't get him in where I had booked earlier they simply wouldn't take a child under 12 weeks, couldn't get a baby place anywhere in end had to use a place that I had thought was unworkable and it was all fine, so deep breath this is your last hurdle and im sure if mum and dad see your trying really hard they can give you some time.

Can you not explain the situation to your parents and see if they don't mind having your DC for a few weeks whilst you sort out childcare - and it means you won't have to give up your job? Surely they can sacrifice that, I know mine would!

Child minder? Au pair? Will your parents not help temporarily until you find a nursery.

My childminder gives a proper invoice and I pay by bank transfer so you will be able to evidence it all.