To ask what you’d do for your kids

[Sandbox]

Bit of a rambly post but you lot always have good advice!

If you felt your child had a gift for something, how much would you do to support that gift?

Back story, autistic 8yo boy, tried every club from football, gymnastics, swimming, dancing etc etc he can’t even attend school.
Staying with friends and he’s been asking for a horse riding lesson for over a year, he goes to the stables and he’s a natural, an hour in the saddle and he’s trotting! Instructor says he’s ahead of other kids and I should invest in the right gear rather than borrowing boots and hat from stables. This stables is 100 miles from where we live. He has a potential school place at mainstream near us but experience tells me he will be extremely stressed going. We have stables near us but this instructor is brilliant and I’d worry about changing the stables and instructor now. Nothing to keep us where we are, so...

Would I be completely bonkers to move a hundred miles away purely for this stables?

If riding is his thing, then - if there is any way at all you can manage it- then he should most definitely ride. I think you should hold off moving though- what if you do and in a few weeks he decides be doesnt want to do it any more? Or you mive and this instructor leaves? What about some sort of compromise for now - travel to this stables once a month and try out local stables also? Look particularly for instructors who have experience of working with people with asd.

Personally I’d at least do some trial sessions at stables near you. There may be just as brilliant instructors (or even better) nearby.

Very sensible advice!
I think I’ve been worried that a bad/unhappy experience with a stables near us might put him off riding completely. To be honest I’d given up thinking he’d ever be able to do anything and I’m so overwhelmed with emotions!

I would certainly look into it and if I could make it work, I would.

There will be good instructors in stables all over, OP. I promise the stables 100 miles away isn’t the only one. And imagine if you moved and your son gave up after a few weeks?

Shop around at the stables near you, you will find something convenient that suits.

Also ignore the instructor re gear. Of course you can borrow until you know he will stick with it! equestrian equipment is wildly expensive, you really don’t want or need to spend hundreds of pounds right away.

For that advice alone I would be slightly sceptical of this instructor. I taught horse riding for several years in my late teens and early 20s and would never have recommended that parents buy the gear on the back of one lesson. It’s just not necessary.

Has he only had one lesson? No matter how much of a natural he seems to be, one lesson is extremely soon to consider even buying the relevant kit let alone moving house! it may also be something that he enjoys or a short while, you've no guarantee how long he would want to do it for. Absolutely try different stables in your area, look for recommendations and maybe go chat with them first on your own to avoid him having a bad experience as you say. I think would be bonkers to move house based on a riding stables, but as mentioned above you've no idea how long a particular instructor will stay in the area.

Oh he’s had a few lessons now, still loves it and working hard, I was just amazed at how well he did in his very first lesson is all! I’m in a fortunate position where we can stay here with friends indefinitely and can go home whenever we want.

Be careful. My autistic son changes his mind like the weather.

Something he loves will be something he hates in a few months to come.

Maybe look at it less as "he should do this because he's a natural" and more "he should do this because he enjoys it". No matter how naturally talented he is, he wont get anywhere without loving it. Fe my ds1 had his ballet teacher in tears of joy - he was a total natural for ballet - lithe, co ordinated, great lift, great musicality. Thing was, for all his potential, he just wasnt that keen. She was gutted when he gave it up (and secretly so was I) but he (quite rightly) wasnt prepared to put the effort in to something he fundementally didnt love.

I used to be an instructor for RDA and honestly, the number of kids who just blossomed around the horses was incredible. Kids who couldn’t speak would come alive while they were riding. I don’t know what exactly it is about horses but there’s some incredible connection there. So I would 100% support your son to continue riding. However, if there is a stable nearby then it is worth checking out before you make any big decisions. There are a great many wonderful and passionate instructors around and there’s nothing to say you can’t find one closer. Regarding the equipment please continue borrowing for now until you are sure this is something your son wants to pursue because even boots and a helmet (the very basics) can be wildly expensive. I’m really glad he’s discovered horses though and I hope it’s something he continues with—they are wonderful animals and somehow seem to know how to bring out the best in people.

There are good stables and instructors all over the country. So yes you would be bonkers to move just for that one!?

Thank you all!
I will be sensible and check the stables near us before moving.
I can’t stress enough the difference in him, from a child who couldn’t leave the house, couldn’t attend school, or do anything really to one who is so happy riding a horse and between lessons is watching horse lessons on YouTube, reading books about horses, exercising and practicing posture etc it’s incredible.
There’s been many things he’s wanted to do (scouts, football, gymnastics, boxing etc) and he’s not coped at all while there, just flapping, spinning and screaming so yes I’d be bonkers to move a hundred miles for this particular stables but I never thought I’d ever see him smiling and comfortable like that.
So, we’ll continue to borrow boots and hat and try out stables near us, thank you for your advice! X