Should I kick husband out?

[photome87]

Will try not to drip feed but I'll be here for 10 pages if I discuss everything!

After 15 years Husband has decided we aren't compatible, he doesn't seem to like me very much never mind love me. Says I'm a bitch, I'm too much and I nag a lot about housework. We have an 18 month old and personally I think H is still trying to adjust to life as a dad and is taking his frustration out on me, resents me and is acting like a teenager even tho he is indeed 40. Baby was planned and very much wanted, H wanted to have kids for years, it was me who held off.

He pretty much always refuses to discuss anything with me. Lives in the spare room and will blank me, go about his daily life as tho I don't exist. Will text me if he must about the baby only. I coaxed him in to discussing things with me last week, thought it was a good conversation as we didn't shout too much... he listed everything he hates about me, things Iv done that piss him off up to 4 years ago and he was very agitated and annoyed. Told him these things should have been discussed at the time as it's clearly still affecting him. He thinks I'm wrong to want to discuss things in depth but I feel like that's the only way I can resolve, forget and move on. I let him rant at me, I listened, I took it on board but he never asked what my issues were. So we left the discussion by saying we would both try harder. I wouldn't moan so much, he would need to make more effort as he doesn't show he cares for me very much. Doesn't make the time for me and is not supportive at all. He says I pull away each time he tries to kiss or hug me, I agreed and said things have got so bad I don't know how to take his affection anymore because we bicker all the time that it's unnatural to kiss or hug. I said I would make more effort but it would take time to get back to normal as I can't just flip a switch and accept this physical affection when he's not making any time for me or showing an interest in my life.
The next day it was as if nothing had been discussed and he went back to normal, said I will never change and what's the point. He then went to his friends and didn't come back for 24 hours even though the baby isn't very well and is just out of hospital.
I tried to arrange counselling for us months ago but he refused to agree to it. My family live hundreds of miles away and he doesn't want me to move and take the baby. He is also refusing to move out of the house. It's a toxic relationship and a hostile environment. I am deeply unhappy and don't know what to do and where to go.

The house is jointly owned, I don't think he would be able to afford to live alone and will constantly tell me he has nowhere to go so he thinks we should live like this. It's making me ill. He has cut all contact with his family years ago.

Do I ask/make him leave and stay in this house where he can visit the baby as often as he likes? Do I move back home and have him hate me even more as he won't see the baby as often?

Would I even be allowed to move away without his consent?

So AIBU to ask him to move?

Because she's responsible not just for herself, but her child as well, this is geared towards protecting the child, not the woman.

But regardless of what I say, the law states she can't actually kick him out so yeah.

There's some charities that offer discounted law advice for women (different from legal aid), have a Google. I've actually seen the ad on the bus so I'll link to them if I can find it!

It is the law that is important and it says he doesn't have to leave until finances and divorce is settled.

I'm intrigued (as always) about how kicking an owner (or part owner) out of the home goes.

Me as well, and I know that a woman has a right to live in marital home even if she doesn't own it. Just googled, and the right applies to men to.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/

Cancel any expensive contracts that are in your name and reduce any of your liabilities or costs. A lot of places will offer you a free consultation to give you an idea of what you need to do and get your paperwork together before telling him you want a divorce.

He isn't going to resolve this and he's obviously not willing to budge; sadly you need to take action to change it or end up raising a child in a very bad environment.

Talk to Citizens Advice, look up local solicitor's who might offer free consultation, ask around friends you can trust for recommendations?

I'd lay out the facts for him. Tell him it's clear things won't change and for the sake of all your future happiness you want to work out a practical separation. That you won't waste his or your time hashing over feelings again. Lay out the practical options and set a deadline to decide.

He's acting like a complete prick. But you need to put that to one side and be the responsible parent.

AcrossthePond55 gives some great advice. Given he's totally detached himself from you then do the same. It gives you time and space to do your research, get family support and plan your next move.

Has he been to see a doctor, could he have postnatal depression?

As others have said, go stealth. Do the bare minimum to detach yourself but don't let him suspect that you're planning a way out. As he likes to parent when it suits (and I'm sure thinks he's an excellent dad-dont they all) be careful not to let him suspect that you may take DC away as this may spark him do a runner or try to discredit your character. Not to scare you but he certainly wouldn't be the first. Talk to your family. It sounds like you have a good relationship with them and I'm sure they will want to help you. As others have said, make some enquiries with legal firms. At lot will offer a fair amount of advice over the phone or tell you what you need to do so at least you have some idea. You'll also be able to work out who you like the sound of and who understands what is happening for you. This man is treating you like shit and expecting you to take 100% responsibility for the marriage breakdown. Start keeping a list of what is/has done to contribute to this.

You need legal advice.

But in the meantime get your ducks in a row. It seems unlikely he will want the child full time but don't assume he won't use it.

Get birth certificates, passports, bank statements, payslips - Inc his if you can find them without arising suspicion. Get yours and baby's away - to your parents? Copy his or take photos and get them sent away from your accounts as a backup if you need it.

Go to the bank. Close any joint accounts. Talk to them about the mortgage so that you have the facts - too many variables for anyone to help without details. But the bank should give this information without charge. Make an appointment to see someone.

Ask about the increased loan - was it done on his say so only. If so can this be flagged. /changes to his name.

Make sure you separate your income and keep as much of it as possible.

But above all stay safe in the time it take you to get things sorted out.

Thanks everyone.

I have asked him about depression or even a mid life crisis but he assured me he isn't suffering either of those things. He is one of the few men that go to the doctor and is familiar with depression from his family so I would be surprised if it was that too. I have tried to put this down to everything imaginable and would be there to support him through it but ultimately I think he finds it hard to love people when it's. It plain sailing. Like having a baby. I needed him and he wasn't there. He will admit that himself but he's not changed. I think he's lazy and it's too much effort for him.

He blames all his behaviour on me and my treatment of him. He won't take any responsibility.

All income is separate - another of his issues. We have a joint account for bills only. Single accounts for wages and personal finance.

I earn slightly more than him but able to do a lot of overtime which I don't like doing as it's time away from the family but he encourages it as he benefits from it. He likes to be spoiled. He wants joint accounts as he thinks I should share my money more. He pays half the bills and pays for petrol. I buy everything else. He buys nothing for the baby. No money for Xmas or bday!

He has it so easy. Divorce him but remain in the house and sell up!