Hi all,
Quick back story: Live in a house share of 4 people, I (female) share upstairs with "Bob" and another guy. I used to get along well with bob to the point we were friends - a lot of the girls in the house wouldn't even bother saying hello to him and looked at every chance to be bossy and rude to him (although they were rude/bossy to everyone in general anyway). He'd always have several hour long convos with me as I was the type who'd be friends with anyone as long as they were nice. He's over 20+ years older than me/rest of us (i.e. in his late 40s), which is another reason a lot of the girls weren't too keen on being friends with him.
He was a classical people pleaser, very soft, outwardly scared, shy etc. even though he had an arrogance internally where he'd tell me he'd only ever commit to a white british female (he is asian, with a foreign accent but has been here for a number of years now) and he'd only use any other woman to use for one night (with the lights off during.. so he wouldn't have to look at them) and similarly vile thing, which I obviously didn't like about him (and I am not white british either but born here) but I never disagreed or agreed to his odd views.
Another thing I did not like about him is that no matter how rudely or unfairly a white british female housemate treated him, he'd never get angry (he will moan about it to me but that's it) or confront or get any revenge on them (which is fine) BUT if I even did something slightly wrong e.g. left the landing light on for a minute longer than necessary when he was asleep, I'd get a stern text about it from him.. that's where my nice, overly friendly nature gets me...!
Then, we had further issues, where he'd try and pressurise me to go on holiday, all paid for, to sleep in the same bed as him.. I obviously said NO and he kept trying to make it seem like I was unfair.. wtf. He'd also make comments that apparently white british women allow him to hug them but I seem annoyed/uncomfortable when he tries to hug me..
yet he's been single for years as let me tell you, he's no looker AT ALL.
He'd make remarks how attractive I was etc. which made me feel weird and I politely told him not to. yet he got worse and would touch /squeeze my hips etc. whilst walking past me, when in the kitchen etc. which really offended me. I wrote him a stern text never to touch me inappropriately again nor make sexual remarks and not fair for me to have to put up with that from a housemate.
He apologised but still continued with some weird remarks but no longer touched me. In the end, I spoke to him less and less (esp along with a disagreement we had about parking rights on the driveway).
I was tired of him always being soft and people pleaser-y to the white british females yet thinking he can do whatever he likes to me, esp when I've been his only friend..! The other upstairs male housemate left and he started to fill the communal bathroom cabinet about 90% full with his stuff (was probs too scared to do it when the other guy was here but currently room is vacant and he clearly thinks I'm too nice to have an issue about it I presume - it was kinda fine as I don't want to put any of my stuff in the communal cabinet anyway but thought he was selfish for doing it and showed his people-pleaser type by only doing it after the other upstairs housemate had left..
I don't dislike people who are horrible to everyone in an equal measure or nice to everyone in equal measure. What I hate is when someone thinks he can be rude to one person but nice to another, esp when he one he's nice to is rude to him.
One of the things he put in the cabinet was a box of washing tablets which seemed illogical as the washing machine is downstairs so quicker to get them from his room rather than bathroom. Out of curiosity, I opened it to take a look as he could be reusing the tablets container for something else or it could have been the landlady that put the container there..
Anyway, 2 weeks later, I (for no real reason) opened the container again for some silly logistical reason to see what the washing capsules look like, whilst brushing my teeth. I notice, to my surprise, he's filled the container with mud entirely now (he does do gardening for himself) and put a post it note in the container saying "DON'T STEAL THIS YOU UGLY TWAT"... I was completely weirded out by this as 1) Definitely never stole any of the capsules 2)It was a communal cabinet which he took 90% space in so had every right to see what was in there 3) He wasn't calling me an ugly twat when he wanted to sleep with me.. full of creepy compliments every day then..!
4) This is the guy who is scared to even look at a woman in the eye (even shy with me in person often) and stutters out of shyness.... also only about 5ft and in his late 40s.... I've never sworn at him or called him or anyone ugly etc..
What would you do?