To ask what's a small joy of being an adult you didn't expect?

[pandarific]

Not at all to dismiss the hard times being had by people on the companion thread, but so we all don't end up with Monday-itis... what are some small joys you have discovered come with being an adult?

Some of mine are:

• We have a tea cupboard. It is a little skinny cupboard not much good for anything else and houses all teas, coffees, cocoa making things etc. It is organised not by category but by frequency of use, and it gives me a little burst of pleasure every time I open it.
• I worked out why our washer dryer was shrinking and felting everything in sight BY MYSELF, with the manual, determination, and extended experimentation. I was so overjoyed I told our mutual friend who looked at me like ... but I do a lot of laundry.
• Having pets. The picture attached was the morning after an eye watering emergency vet bill... FFS. But look at his little face!
• Haggling - and the satisfaction of a good deal well done. Channelling Del Boy gives me immense joy, especially when the other party is a fellow Del Boy and you can have a bit of fun with it.
• The slow realisation that I can actually make my own decisions without anyone my mother needing to approve. And that I don't need to be a Nice Girl all the time.

I didn’t particularly enjoy secondary school and for many years after I’d left, I’d have recurring dreams about being back at school with my peers. At some point I’d realise that I didn’t have to stay there, and walk out

I still have these dreams in my late 30s. It's always very angsty, usually something to do with needing to do one more course or I won't graduate (which was a real, scary situation right before I left high school, as the shool had messed up my credits). At some point in the dream I'll start thinking: "Wait, why do I need to be here? I remember finishing this place. I went to university, so why would I still need this one more credit from here? University trumps school! And, actually, I'm in my 30s... I'm getting out of here!" It's a great feeling. :)

I love just knowing that no one is looking behind my back how I'm doing things, and telling me I'm doing them wrong. All the women in my family had one "right" way of folding sheets, for example - a complicated method requiring two people. I cannot be arsed with that, and fold my sheets whichever way I want to, and absolutely nobody cares.

I can also entertain all my whims at home without them getting mocked. I can do naked yoga, eat trendy foods, buy myself a shakti mat, read self help books and watch cartoons all I want in my own home, without anybody tutting at the silliness of it.

Being able to eat more than two biscuits.

I can have an undercut and dye my hair as people seem to care more about what I do rather than what I look like.

Having people round to play video games with - used to wish that as a child.

Not being harassed by older boys and men on an daily basis yet being seen as a wierdo for NOT welcoming such attension.

Being able to let my boys be the boys they want to be.

I will be reading this whole thread later

Mine is when I'm making a cake I can leave as much mixture in the bowl to scrape as I want

Friendships. Seriously I love having friends to talk with.

Having my own place that I can decorate how I want and never feeling frightened and insecure in it. It's mine, no one can bully me in it or throw me out of it. Coming out of a swimming pool, starving, and getting food from the vending machine. We were never allowed to do that. Being able to collect dolls. I was told I was too old for dolls at a certain age and they were all thrown out. Now I have a bookcase of dolls that I love!

Today I have had 5 slices of bread. No one can say anything about it because they don’t know. Because when you are an adult you no longer get monitored and ‘looked after’ and basically can make ‘bad’ decisions (fuck it I’ll tidy up later - Unacceptable to my parents).

Sorry for being the one who brings the tone of the thread down but for me it's not feeling scared anymore. I still, at 33 years old, get random twangs of fear out of no where and I have to remind myself that everythings fine and there's nothing to worry about.
I can be happy at home AND when outside (was brought up in a rough area so was scared to be outside too) it's still such a relief, I left home at 15 too so its crazy I'd still think of it but I do, it's like a lovely "phew!" Feeling when it dawns on me that im not living that life anymore

I agree about eating what you want too.

omg yes - being able to walk inside, having a front door you can shut.
I always read a book when we have dinner, because I was told off for doing it as a child.

Freedom to make my own choices.

The utter and total bliss of owning a car and knowing I could (work permitting) drive for hundreds of miles to wherever I like.

Visiting new countries - often choosing them randomly because the flights are cheap.

Actually going INTO museums, castles, stately homes rather than just looking at them from the outside because I am not too tight to pay the entrance fees. In fact the whole indulgence of also having an audio guide and splurging the time to listen to the 'in depth' commentary and being in a museum for hours. Or even going to an art gallery just to look at 3 or 4 paintings, but spending ages just enjoying them.

Buying books - and them buying more bookshelves to house the books. And I bloody love my kindle - no such thing hen I was a child.

Being able to eat chocolate in bed if I want to
Having a dog
Going to bed whenever I like
Buying drinks and food from motorway services if I want to (rather than a picnic in the car!)
Going on the motorway to get to where I need to go (as opposed to 'the pretty way')

I'll never ever have to do PE again.

Changing into my pyjamas as soon as I get in the door, and eating biscuits before dinner. Both of which I may or may not have done this evening.

@April2020mom

Me too. I absolutely love my adult friendships, so much more than my childhood ones. I'm very lucky.

if I want to I can put my pjs on at 2pm and watch tv with a cup of coffee and not have my mother faffing over me and thinking something is wrong. it was never allowed growing up

I'm semi-retired so I can sleep in whenever I like (although I choose to wake up early to do my 7 mile run with my friend)

I can go to bed as late as I want.

I can leave the house a mess if I feel like it.

Although, I loved learning I will never have to go to K-High School again

I can go back to school if I want to though.

I can decorate my home the way I want it. DH and I pretty much has the same taste and doesn't really care about decor, so I have free reign.

I can have indoor cats (my parents never allowed this and it broke my heart. We lost a lot of animals this way)

We have very few obligations , bar dinner parties, birthday parties or anniversaries, holidays which are now very few, since it is now January ,so our busy time is over.

When DH gets home we have the rest of the day to ourselves to walk in the park, go out to eat, go to the cinema or play, see a concert, visit friends, go to the mountains or just stay home and relax with a movie or video games.
My residential area is extremely quiet as it is geared toward senior citizens.
I don't have to put up with the shit I put up with as a kid or when I was in my 20's. Life is very good and I am grateful for that.

I like being able to eat a whole bar of chocolate (and then some) whenever I feel like it. We used to be allowed six chocolate buttons for dessert after eating a piece of fruit (cue: violins!).

Agree not having to do awkward social dancing in PE, choosing my own good, decent cooking, a clean home (my mother’s home is filthy), being able to take a long bath without being told ‘don’t be lobg’ Or my dad saying he will need to go to bathroom first and waiting half an hour for him to actually do so (could have had my bath in that time). Not having an in depth conversation every time I go out ‘wherexate you going? Who with? Who are they? When will you be back?....’ not being talked at from the moment I open the door about utter shite. Having personal things that stay personal.

I grew up under the management of a brilliant, but exceptionally houseproud, mother. She was particularly concerned about walls getting marked so we were never allowed to hang posters or paintings, light candles, or touch the walls.

Now, I have beautiful works of art on my walls, and lovely candles on the go.

I eat on the couch regularly and never take my shoes off in the hall.

Also- pets!! And they’re allowed in my room and can sleep on my bed.

Buying something that is top of the range because it's better. When I was a kid, anything that was bought for me was automatically the very cheapest available. When I was a younger adult I too always bought myself bottom of the range things because I had been taught that I didn't 'deserve' anything really decent. Took me years (and a promotion) to understand that I was just as entitled to top of the range things as anyone else.

And in my family's case, it had nothing to do with money and everything to do with how my parents viewed us when we were kids.

I never have to wear tights and uncomfortable shoes again.
I can eat chocolate ice cream whenever I feel like it.
I never have to wait half an hour while an adult has a fag and then another one...
I can have a cat
I can live where I want to
I'd definitely do not not have to visit anyone I don't like

I think I need to let go of some of my childhood rules as I keep seeing things and thinking "but I can't do that... Oh wait I can!".
To add some
Listening to my own music.
Watching what I want on TV. And watching it in the mornings and letting my DCs watch it!
Buying stuff that isn't the cheapest, buying quality fabrics, and staying in hotels not hostels or with friends.
Buying the premium range at the supermarket.

I had a new one today. It was my sons 3rd day at preschool today - 1st whole day as first 2 were warm ups. My OH couldn’t come with me today and as I left preschool having dropped him off, I flicked my hair a little bit and thought “oh hey, I’m just a mum. Doing the Mum drop off. This is just how I roll now ”. I felt so grown up. He’s 3 and I still can’t believe I’ve got a son.

Also filling the car up with petrol. I feel all smug and adulty when I do that.

Just to add, I am sure the joy of the school drop off will wane over the next 10+years. I’m under no illusion that this is potentially a short term joy!