Sitting on my hands and keeping my mouth zipped is so hard!

[purplelass]

DD15 is having grief trying to negotiate with ExH about visiting him. I'm leaving it up to her, although I've offered to get involved if she needs me, but it's so hard as he's so selfish and unreasonable!

All he sees is what he wants, not that he should be using the little time they have together (less than 24 hours every fortnight) to make her feel like the centre of his world, not to spend most of it whining at her about how little he gets to see her and sulking that she's not thrilled to see him!

I promised her I won't get involved unless she asks me to but he's going to end up not seeing her at all the way he's going!

Grrr... just had to get that out there, thanks for listening!

Would it help if your DD was to write him a letter to explain how narked off she is with his attitude and what she would like to get out of their time together?

Something like "the time we spend together is precious to me but all you do is moan - it's all getting rather tedious. I'd much rather we made an effort to enjoy each others company. Maybe we could go to the cinema/bowling/coffee shop/play games/cook a meal together/whatever floats their boats."

You're right to stay out of it, she's old enough to work through this.

Thanks MumW - trouble is that they struggle to find anything which interests both of them... she always had to fit it with what we did from a very young age, or he didn't get involved. Soft play, parties, swimming, etc were always activities I did with her as he wasn't interested in what she wanted, just dragging her along to what he wanted to do.

He doesn't sound very good at relationships at all really. Personally I stay entirely out of the relationship between my ex and 2dds. It's hard. But then he avoided me and them when we did live together. Some people drive people away. You can't change him. You're not responsible for him. Stick yo your guns. She will ask for help if she wants it.

Thanks Subtlecheese, any reassurance that I'm doing the best I can is very much appreciated!

I could have written your posts myself, @purplelass
It's so frustrating. I now have one DD who refuses to go with her dad and the other listens for hours while her dad moans and complains. Only a matter of time before she refuses too.

trouble is that they struggle to find anything which interests both of them

What a selfish man! He should be bending over backwards to accommodate what interests your DD has! Especially given the limited amount of time they have together. Poor kid. Unfortunately, he is just going to alienate her further.

You are definitely doing the right thing by staying out of it.

I feel so sorry for DD that she doesn't have a proper dad-daughter relationship but she copes really well, bless her.

Just re-affirms that I did the right thing leaving the selfish bastard so he only gets to affect her once a fortnight rather than every day!

I think you're doing something valuable in reaffirming to your dd that he should be showing an interest in what she's interested in. I'm in a similar situation, although dd is younger, and I worry that she is learning that these crumbs of attention are all she can expect from men.

I've just seen that exH has posted an article on Facebook entitled "To the Strong Daughters Who Freed Themselves from Their Toxic Mothers" which I think is hilarious.