To not know how to get through the next hour let alone the whole week?

[jamoncrumpets]

I have a non sleeping baby and a demanding 4yo with ASD. Not so DH does very little with them, and only when prompted (nagged), on the basis that he 'has to go to work'. Don't ask me why I had kids with him, I can't reverse time, I am trying to come to terms with my poor decisions.

Because of circumstances completely beyond our control 4yo only has 11 hours of nursery at the moment. We are currently applying for EHCP to determine where they will go to school next year, and how much support they will get. 4yo follows me around the house demanding food, television, iPad, drinks constantly, even though they have regular meals. Baby is teething and has a cold and won't let me out of their sight.

I'm drowning in SEN admin and soiled nappies. I'm not sleeping for more than 2 hr chunks every night. My body is falling apart and my bowels are a mess.

I feel like I'm on the comedown from a huge bender all the time, with no opportunity to sleep it off.

I'm dying on my arse here and there is nobody to help me.

AIBU to just survive hour by hour atm?

Do the least you can get away with
Cbeebies
Soup/beans/ toasties
The teething and cold will pass and you'll get a chink of blue sky
Or get the pushchair out and walk the older DCs legs off.

Could you possibly call surestart? Maybe someone could come and help you a few hours a week? Is there a babysitting service you could use or even a teenage neighbour who would take your children to the park for an hour or two to give you some time on your own? for you

Healthy start volunteer? Friend or family member? You need someone to look after them while you have a nap/get stuff done or you're going to go under

I think it's called home start sorry

Get your 'dh' to help more. He shouldnt need to be told, but as he doesn't help without being nagged, then nag.

Every morning he needs to:

1. put load of dirty laundry on, take dirty nappies out.
2. get up by 6am to help the hour or so before work. A healthy adult can sleep 11-6am and still work, espeically then the other parent is getting zilch sleep in comparison.
3. between 6am and whenever he leaves he helps dress and change any child whos awake.
4. he makes evening meal at least every other night.
5. I would get, nag and make him do childcare each evening and weekend when not working. he can sleep 11-6am if needed for work. But if he is made to be in charge 7pm-11pm each evening, then you can hopefully get a few hours undisturbed each early evening. At the weekends i would pick one evening where he does all wakings related to baby and 4 year old unless breast feeding needed

I'm sorry everything is so hard.

I would give into your 4 year old's demands for the moment, let them have the ipad and some snacks. I would focus on the baby and let your husband know what he can do to help you, and work out a compromise.

for you op.
Hour by hour is fine,do the bare minimum and let him pitch in before and after work,write down what he needs to do,stick it to the front of the fridge so he can't say he didn't know and you don't feel like you have to keep asking as that's tiring and annoying itself.
Just for now let your four year old watch cartoons and at least sit yourself down with him and baby and try to put your feet up for an hour.maybe,with luck,they will settle down with you.
Hang on to the positive thought that this won't be forever.
Hopefully soon you will get extra help for your four year old.🌸🌸

Absolutely what Nedzilla says. You shouldn't have to instruct your partner to do these things but it sounds like you are going to have to.

Dealing with the SEN admin can feel like a full time job in itself let alone doing it on no sleep and with the dc clinging. I assume you've had the massive sobbing rant at H.

I really feel for you OP & I second the idea for writing a list for DH. I do as I have a DH who will do all that is 'asked' of him but only when asked. It's exhausting doing all the thinking isn't it? Hopefully if he has some jobs assigned to him daily, then the load will lighten.
Reach out and get as much help/advice with filling out the SEN forms. Do you know anyone who is in a similar position? Good luck & take it easy for a couple of days

How old is baby?
Please go to your GP to get some support.
If you feel it's right for you they can refer you to your local mental health team or maybe the perinatal mental health team.

Maybe DH will pay more attention if he realises how seriously this is effecting you.

Do you have any friends or family to help? You're doing your best in a very difficult situation, do what you need to to survive until you can get some help from somewhere.