To worry I might have nail cancer?

[Sadandstripey]

I’m really anxious about getting cancer and because of that I don’t trust my own judgement properly.

I’ve got a dark brown stripe running lengthways across my big toe nail. It has some darker pinprick spots in and isn’t a straight line. I can’t remember hurting my toe at all. The stripe has been there since October. I’ve now googled and scared myself silly it’s cancer. Would IBU to see a GP about this?

@Babooshka thanks for replying. I appreciate it. I get exactly the same symptoms as you. No reassurance, frantic on google, ruminating, my mind racing. Mostly health related.

I'm at my wits ends. I'm tired.

I'm single and my DD is at her dads tonight and last night. I woke up his morning sat up and just cried, absolutely bawled. I haven't cried like that for years. It so good you have a supporting and understand partner, just to help anchor you when you feel down.

I hope I don't sound crazy. For people that don't know how I feel inside I appear 'bubbly, happy and go lucky'.

I just don't know what to do anymore. My friend thinks I should go and speak to the doctor, she said she would come with me tomorrow. I don't know what to do.

Xxx

My anxiety normally lasts a couple of hours DH has learnt to basically ignore me when it’s really bad. Him trying to talk me down or reassure me or even hug me makes me more wound up. Normally when I’ve spent an hour or two alone I am more able to listen to him and then he can talk me down.

I wasn’t an anxious person at all until 6 years ago. In the space of a year or two I was violently raped and gave birth to my first DC. Both those experiences changed me. Rape because I realised bad things could happen to me. DC because I’m scared of not being there for them.

Being anxious is horrible and I hope the feeling passes quickly for you. Just know that you aren’t alone. Are you getting help for anxiety at all?

autumngazer a good long cry helps sometimes.

I think going to the Doctor would be a good first step. If you have friends who are supportive, let them look after you. You deserve it.

@Sadandstripey - I am so sorry to hear how hard you've had to struggle so much. I have no words. You've been through so much. I can massively appreciate how you must feel anxious. I hope things turn a corner for you. It is utterly draining.

I'm not getting any help, no. I try and do thinks at home. Mindfulness, breathing techniques, distraction. Mostly anxiety claims the space in my head. It usually wins.

My friend thinks enough is enough and I need to speak to a dr. She's seen me at my worst today. I've still managed to clean the house, go to work, have a bath. These feel like massive milestones.

Thanks, it's really good to know I'm not alone. 😊. Sometimes I just feel so consumed my the invasive thoughts in my head. It floors me.

Thanks so much @WideBlueSky.

I've cried more today that I have in years. It's like I can't stop the tears falling. I have PMT though - so that must be contributing. I agree I feel better after a cry.

I am going to speak to the doctor. Enough is enough. I need help. I can't do this alone. I just want to wake up without a sense of dread and doom. X

Oh Autumn, my heart goes out to you. I am lucky to have an understanding husband but I do often suffer alone for a long time before I admit to him how bad it's got (usually when I completely break down in tears). It's hard for him to understand as he's never suffered from it but he does try his best to help me. I've always been a 'worrier' but my full blown anxiety was triggered, I think, by my son being robbed at knife point and beaten up 2 years ago (he was just 16 and walking home from a football match). He's absolutely fine (and coped very well with what happened) but, for me, it confirmed that all the fears and worries I ever had about something bad happening were right. I tormented myself with "what ifs", not satisfied that he was actually okay.

Like you, my friends and work colleagues would never guess that I struggle so much, I can put on a brilliant front when I have to. I find threads like this really helpful in knowing that I'm not going crazy, that anxiety is very real and terrifying and experienced by many people. I hope you can get the support you need from your GP.

So sorry, Sad,** about your awful experience.

@Babooshka thank you. I'm so sorry about the ordeal you son went through. There are some absolutely horrific beings (can't even call the people) on this planet. I'm so glad your son ok, you must be so proud of him.

I agree even when surrounded by love and support anxiety can be a lonely and inward struggle.

I feel like an actress sometimes, but I know that 'happy go lucky gal is the 'real' me. Anxiety has a shadow of my old self.

I know Mumsnet gets a bad rep but I appreciate all the words and advice people take time out of there day to offer.

*sorry for the billion typos 🙈

To everyone who is dealing with this

Thank you Autumn .* This is the only thread I've ever posted on and I've been a member of Mumsnet for around 10 years! My most recent anxiety attack was also triggered by a similar mark on my toenail to Sad's* and I allowed it to ruin my Christmas break. We were in a lovely cottage in Yorkshire but I spent 3 whole days gripped with fear, searching Google for pictures of toe melanomas. All the lovely pates and cheeses we bought to eat in front of the log burning stove just went to waste - I couldn't eat and barely spoke as I was so 'busy' scouring melanoma sites (managed to drink the Port though).

I felt so sorry for Sad when I saw this post - I am so self-absorbed with anxiety that I truly thought I was the only person getting so het up over a toenail - to see someone else suffering really got to me. I would put money on Sad's toenail being completely fine but I totally get why she's struggling to believe that - it's so easy seeing sense when it's not about yourself as nobody, not even the doctor, convinced me either!

I really hope you get sorted at the GP and thank goodness you've got a lovely friend to help you.

Sad - hope you get the reassurance you so desperately need tomorrow. I'm so glad I bit the bullet and posted on here - nobody understands the debilitating nature of anxiety like fellow sufferers. Take care all

Oh crap - my text went all bold! Sorry!

Thanks @Babooshka . Well I'm really glad this was the first thread you decided to join, because your words have really helped. I agree, it's hard to explain to non sufferers - oh how I envy them.

Your experience over Christmas is 'classic me'. Anxiety has sabotaged so many nice events for me as well. The incessant googling, the not wanting to eat, it's awful. Half the time I go 'checking' for 'something' and will always fine something to freak out about. It's horrendous. I feel for you.

I have a drs appointment at 11:30.

@Sadandstripey - I hope you get some reassurance today and it settles your mind.

I'm so glad I've helped in some way @autumngazer, I've found this thread really helpful too - just knowing that you're not crazy and that the suffering is a real thing is a real relief. I don't know about you but even happy events can be triggers - I almost have to sabotage things (eg cottage break at Christmas). I'd been worried about my toenail a few weeks before but it only gripped me full pelt when we arrived on holiday. I'm not satisfied until I've found something that confirms my fears, I can search and search and find perfectly benign answers but I'll press on and on until I finally terrify myself.

At the moment, it's okay - I'm not in the middle of any intense anxiety, just the odd little flutter which I'm batting off so far. My youngest son had to go to docs a few weeks ago as had a painful lump on his heel bone (you can guess what I was Googling). Deep down I knew it was a benign condition common in boys who play sports and for once Google didn't even have a malignant answer but I was still wracked with fear. Of course, he's fine - another 2 weeks of my life wasted in panic!

Hope you got on okay at docs.

@Sadandstripey, hope you're okay too.

@Babooshka you're definitely not alone! I have been there so many times. In November I was going on a much needed weekend break with the girls. 4 days before we go I start obsessing about a 'mole' on my back. (Which I'm not even sure is a mole, could be a freckle). I was GRIPPED with fear. I kept going to the toilet in work so I could 'check' it. Getting even more panicked the more I did. It's like I can't allow myself to relax and have fun. I have to be obsessing about something.

I went to the docs today, I've seen this doctor 3 times about one think or another - usually always stemmed from my anxiety. She is so lovely. She asked me what I wanted to do, I said I wanted something to take to help me get back on a level. She didn't disagree, in fact I had not finished my sentence and she was typing up my prescription! She knows I've tried self help etc. She said I have good insight into why I feel like this, I know that it is anxiety. She prescribed Fluoxetine 20mg.

@Babooshka and yes! I have had that tiny mole/freckles on my back for years! But only when I was going away did I decide to freak out about it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh my god @autumngazer we are anxiety twins! I'm going to New York in 3 weeks and I'm praying I can keep the anxiety at bay and practise some kind of CBT as we've spent a fortune on it and I want to enjoy it. I'm determined not to do any breast lump checks leading up to the holiday or find some kind of renewed interest in the many moles I also have! I'm calm about my toenail at the moment as I think it's starting to fade and grow out (I've been taking regular photos, hope nobody ever steals my phone and sees the gallery of pics I've got!)

I'm so glad your GP has listened to you, I hope the medication helps you. Even if it just takes the edge off it will be worth it.

Best thing I ever did posting here, I was always too scared!

How about phoning the McMillan helpline?

@Babooshka - haha we are definitely anxiety twins! 👯‍♀️.

All I would say is really really try and refrain from doing any 'checks' before your trip. It's self sabotage. It's easier said that done, I know. I have done is so many times. Funnily enough when I was on my trip away I didn't check my 'mole' once. I think even I knew deep down it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Oh I also went to the docs about a 'toe nail' issue in November. Even though I remember dropping someone heavy on my foot I still wasn't reassured! I went in telling her I suspected melanoma....urgh. Sometimes I feel really guilty that I'm a burden on the NHS. I said that to the doctor yesterday. I feel like I'm a time waster even though I am gripped with actual fear I have these diseases. She did say that the pattern of behaviour can get worse in health anxiety sufferers and they can tend to start requested quite invasive tests when verbal reassurance is no longer enough.

New York is an amazing city and you deserve the trip away. Let yourself be happy!

Xxx

Morning, autumngazer and Babooshka hope you are both heading for a lovely relaxing non anxious weekend.

Still no news on the toe and I’ve found a lump in my breast to stress over as well. There is no end to this awful cycle! But me and DH have a rare babysitter tonight and so I’m determined for once I’m not going to let my own mind ruin things for me. I’m going to have a nice meal and talk about anything other than kids, health or work.

As much as I hate that other people suffer from this horrible illness it is nice to know that I’m not alone. autumngazer thanks for the podcast recommendations. Listened to one last night and it really helped.

Good morning @WideBlueSky, I'm sorry that you have a new health worry - that's what happens, you start to calm down so something else pops up to replace it! I'm so glad you've got a nice evening out planned and you've got the right approach - just enjoy it, give yourself an evening off from the mental exhaustion.

I'm off to the hairdressers now, I started inspecting my toe nail first thing but then just put my sock on and had a word with myself. That's not always possible to do when in a full blown attack but while it's just niggling I can get a bit of control.

Have a great night tonight, you deserve it! @autumngazer, hope you are okay this morning and that you have a peaceful weekend.

Sorry I changed my name from WideblueSky to do this post but I keep forgetting to change it back to Sadandstripey. I am terrible with technology!

Sorry @autumngazer I completely missed your early morning response, I only saw the one from @WideBlueSky' /@Sadandstripey.

I actually fear GPs and tests when I'm anxious as I'm scared they'll confirm what I'm worried about! I broke down when I went with my toenail (after being nagged by DH to stop Googling and just get it checked!) Thinking about it, I can also think of at least 2 incidents that may have caused a bruise but I told him I definitely hadn't hurt it (as I just couldn't pinpoint the actual time I'd hurt it so couldn't be sure).

We went to New York for our honeymoon 15 years ago and loved it so I'm really excited to go back. I really will not let anything spoil it, I'm determined! I won't be checking any inch of my body!

Hope you're feeling okay today.

@WideBlueSky and @Babooshka. I've had a horrific weekend anxiety wise. The tablets apparently make me feel worse before I get better. And my god, it's true.

Probably the worst weekend yet. ☹️

I just wanted to beck in though. I hope you both had an anxiety free weekend. xxx

@Babooshka Yes, NYC is the best! I'm sure you'll make some more happy memories there xx

@WideBlueSky so glad you found the podcast useful. If I find anymore I'll pop them on here.

If either of you are on Instagram take a look at @annamathur (was previously mamas scrap book). She's great and has just launched a 'Reframing Anxiety' course. She does really good live broadcasts as well. She's a trained physiotherapist specialising in women's anxiety

Also @health_anxiety is another good account to follow.

Xxxx