If a lawyer says that someone has personality disorder what do they mean?

[OhioOhioOhio]

Im asking for a friend.

But that's part of what I dont understand. I've read that the problem with narcissism is that everyone else gets treated, except for the narcissist. I would have thought it would apply to personality disorder too.

Depends on the PD. Generally, repetitive patterns of the behaviour, not being able to help but behave that way (pre DBT), emotional disregulation, in NPD a complete lack of any ability to empathise or see oneself as equal to another...I could go on forever...

My relative had a brain scan which showed her brain had actually developed in a certain way which would mean she would act in a histrionic way. She just couldn’t regulate her emotions.

The info is out there via Mind etc. Better relying on that than Mumsnet

The lawyer is making a very educated guess. About my stbxh.

Well unless they are a qualified mental health professional with direct experience of working with individuals with personality disorders then their opinion is not "very educated" and they shouldn't be making assumptions. This is probably the most complex and difficult area of psychiatry and the condition carries a great deal of stigma so it's not something that should just be bandied about. Sadly though, from reading MN you would think that the phrase personality disorder is a casual insult not a serious and debilitating illness. Start a thread on AIBU about someone who is dishonest, self-absorbed and manipulative and I can guarantee you someone will respond saying "they clearly have a personality disorder". Actually, no, some people are just bastards.

Shady

Your first paragraph nailed It!

For many years it was thought that there was no treatment for personality disorders. That has evolved and, for example, BPD responds to DBT quite well.

NPD, in my opinion is incurable. My family are almost all psychiatrists or work in psychiatry.

Yeah, even a GP shouldn't assume someone has "issues", it's beyond their scope of practice. Unless they have a psychiatric report in front if them, not a comment a solicitor should make.

I also studied psychology to MA/professional level but dropped out 🙈.

CheekyFuckery

That is exactly what I think.

Agree a formal diagnosis is needed but will not actually achieve anything. You can only control your behaviour. You’ll never win with a Narcissist. All you can do is cut them totally out of your life in as boring as possible a way. No drama from your end. Do not engage.

It really depends on the context in which it was said. Could it just be taken as "this person is not thinking rationally and therefore don't have high expectations of reasonable responses to negotiations."

i would think it's a comment not much different than saying your stbx is an idiot. it's probably meant in a derogatory way to mean he is being difficult and unreliable to deal with.

They are not psychiatric. Medications and talk therapies do not provide a cure.

Is psychiatric. Talking therapy can help massively.

It's very common to label selfish, callous individuals as "narcissists" but diagnosable NPD is actually extremely rare. Narcissism exists on a continuum and most, if not all, of us are capable of displaying some narcissistic traits and behaviours. Just because someone behaves in a way that is selfish and hurtful to others that doesn't mean they have NPD, they may well have some narcissistic traits, but it is very unlikely that they are actually suffering from a mental disorder.

No advice, OP, but I love your username. I live in Ohio. ❤️

Lawyers are entitled to chat to people about these issues just like anyone else. After all, people on MN are constantly diagnosing total strangers. There is nothing in the least professionally improper about it, and it has virtually no significance, OP, because lawyers are generally no more medically trained than you are. Unclench, people.

Be careful about throwing accusations in court about mh issues. It can backfire spectacularly.

Ex tried to have his solicitor label me as unfit and accuse me of coming off meds. I hadn’t been on meds to begin with but fully explained my mh condition to the court and my liasing with GP/mh services. Didn’t go down well as he had lied to his solicitor (not saying you’re lying) but she ended up with egg on her face.

He was also convicted for breaching an order as he was found to have preyed upon and exploited my known vulnerabilities.

Your ex may well have issues and I do think that sometimes mh is used as a scapegoat for being a dick- but you’d better have the proof, or something to back it up.

That’s just personal experience though.

It doesn't mean anything and is of no use to you. Stop Googling and worrying about it, if you're splitting up with an ex who cares if they have a disorder, just focus on the practical stuff.

I think it suggests your lawyer has a good idea of what type of person he's dealing with. He/she will probably have interacted with other difficult people like this before and the experience will hopefully help towards getting a good end result.

Lets put it this way because I think it might be what you're implying. Even if he does have a personality disorder that would not excuse abuse. If he's been an arsehole to you it because he's an arsehole (for example, some people diagnosed with psychopathy have never been purposely abusive to others - you can have a disorder and not hurt others)

I think if your lawyer thinks this man is an abusive arsehole he's better off addressing that than blaming some personality disorder or other randomly.

"Personality disorder" is not a thing.

A personality disorder can be a variety of things. They're not single-serving, they cannot be summed up with just the phrase "personality disorder".

Whoever told you that is unprofessional and potentially incorrect.