Boyfriend snooped on my phone and I can't get over it.

[Iaintdonenothing]

Basically that. He gave a flimsy excuse why he was on my phone and 'accidentally' stumbled on my messages and 'accidentally' read a message from a guy. The guy is gay, and is a mutual friend.

This happened a few days ago, and while i'm not as angry i'm still mad. We don't go on each other phones. He wouldn't even allow me to borrow one of his phones (work/person) as we were taking two cars on a trip and my phone had died. If I had ever seen him on my phone it would have made this story a little believable that he had accidentally ended on my FB messages. In my previous relationship we both had each other thumbs on each phone early on but that was incase one of us wanted to google/call and our phone wasn't to hand.

I can't seem to get over it. I want to hide all my journals/change my passwords/put one of those apps to see if someone is snooping. I really hate this feeling of resentment.

One of my exes hacked into my emails years ago; there was nothing juicy for him to see, and I felt so angry and upset because I felt he didn't trust me and had violated my right to privacy.

So I understand how you feel, though I have also snooped through an exes phone once before (and found evidence of cheating).

Did he say why he was looking? Also, why is he so protective over his phone? That would make me suspicious he had something to hide himself personally.

I honestly couldn't be with someone who does this, it's a huge invasion of privacy.

My husband and I often use each other's phones. In fact he deliberately got the same phone as me because I struggled to use his old phone. Neither of us has 'accidentally' stumbled on the others messages.

I haven't gave him any reason to be suspicious of me but he is very paranoid and insecure - he has said that none of his previous exs have cheated which also makes me wonder.

He still claims that he accidentally stumbled on my messages as he wanted to take a picture of something which really doesn't line up. I also hate that think that I was born yesterday which has also ruffed up my feathers.

This would be a deal breaker for me .... it rings too many alarms ...

My first thought is that he's the one with something to hide which is why he feels the need to check up on you...

You say he is already paranoid and insecure, even more reason to believe it wasn't accidental. The fact that he continues to lie doesn't help

What @MintedLamb said.

Untrustworthy people struggle to trust other people in my personal experience.

Have you been together long?

Change your passcode. Then leave your phone laying around.

It won't be long before you find that it's miraculously displaying the incorrect passcode entered screen when you pick it up again.

Sometimes when you can't get over something... it's because you shouldn't.

Its not even so much that he did it (which would bother me), more that he's happy to lie about how he did it accidentally, which is a huge red flag, or that he thinks he's got you so under the thumb you'll buy it .

Change the passwords on everything OP. Once people start down this road they rarely stop because the problem is theirs there is always 'one last' check to be made. If the root cause is insecurity and he is that bad he thinks a gay man warrants looking at your messages then he's got problems, I hardly think it'll be a one off.

I haven't ever looked at my DHs phone or he looks at mine to my knowledge and we've been together 19 years. It is a huge red flag that he doesn't trust you and therefore probably isn't trustworthy.

Do you think you should be over it?

Did you catch him in the act? He's the one that was born yesterday! As if you were going to believe he "accidently" read your messages

Do you really want to be with someone who is paranoid and insecure about you? It's just exhausting constantly fending off the latest fantasy accusation, and it doesn't get any better.

It's not the first time he's treated me like I was born yesterday. A few months ago he asked who some guy was as it 'popped' up on his facebook that I had became facebook friends with someone he didn't know.

It's tiring and I know I have to call it a day. The thing is is that we've been getting on really well recently and i can't image being without him as he does have his pros but his minus seem to be him thinking i'm an absolute idiot/really paranoid. In a way I was hoping I was going to be told I was being UB as it shouldn't bother me so much if i don't have anything to hide.