Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

My partner won’t have a drink with me alone?

21 replies

Louisiannahotsauce · 13/01/2019 19:56

Looking to see if I’m being unfair. Been with my husband for 7 years. Own a house no kids.
He will not go to the pub/ have a drink with me to the extent we never even toasted big events in our lives because he doesn’t like the taste of alcohol. Fair enough. What annoys me is he will go to the pub and bars with friends and have a lot to drink. We do, do a lot of other stuff together and I’m not looking to get drunk or anything and just think it would be nice to sit in a pub and have a chat instead of spending larger amounts of money on meals put ect.
AIBU unfair to find this an issue (I know it’s not a massive issue more of an iritance to me).

OP posts:

Boysandbuses · 13/01/2019 19:59

How does he say he doesn't like the taste, if he also drinks?

Can't he have a coke?

There's clearly more to this.

Either peer pressure when he is out with friends or problems in your relationship.

It's weird that you do loads together But not this. But then I suppose you could say of you do loads together, why does this one thing he want to do, bother you?

secretmetoo · 13/01/2019 20:01

That is very weird, so he goes out and drinks alcohol with his mates but won’t with you? Do you go out as a couple at all?

kaytee87 · 13/01/2019 20:03

Have you asked him why he drinks alcohol out with friends if he doesn't like alcohol?

Laiste · 13/01/2019 20:07

He wont drink with you because he doesn't like the taste, but drinks when out with mates ... ??

whittingtonmum · 13/01/2019 20:12

I have got a similar DH. He is not very assertive. So he will drink with company much more than he would drink if left to his own devices. With me he does drink the occasional glass of wine but very rarely. I don't mind him not drinking with me but I do feel it's a bit pathetic that he can't be himself more with his friends.

mimibunz · 13/01/2019 20:12

Do you argue when you drink together?

MorelloKisses · 13/01/2019 20:15

Does he every drink with friends AND you. Do you go out with other people or have friends round?

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 13/01/2019 20:16

This is bizarre.
Why won’t he go to the pub with you and just have a coke?

What’s your relationship like generally?

AllMYSmellySocks · 13/01/2019 20:19

Why does he drink with friends if he hates the taste? Does he just do it because he feels he has to? It's odd but can't you guys go out to the pub and he doesn't have to drink alcohol if he doesn't want to.

carrotflinger · 13/01/2019 20:35

This is a bit weird. Is there more to this?
Don't understand why he drinks with his friends but won't go for a drink with you because "he doesn't like the taste"
Do you argue when you have both had alcohol?
There must be some reason why he doesn't want to go for a drink with you.

qazxc · 13/01/2019 20:38

Does he drink with his mates because of peer pressure / not to be the odd one out?
There's no reason why the 2 of you couldn't go to a pub and him stick to alcohol free drinks.

BobLemon · 13/01/2019 20:39

This is weird. Why doesn’t he tell his mates “I don’t like the taste of alcohol”?

CorbynsAnorak · 13/01/2019 20:42

Odd. Does he come home pissed when he’s been out with his mates? How do you know he drinks a lot when you are not there?

Original poster

Louisiannahotsauce · 13/01/2019 20:42

Not much more to it than I’ve said. We don’t argue after drinking, we used to go the first year we went out and was all nice and fun. He says it’s just what his pals do and they have fun! So maybe an element of peer pressure!
I’ve said before about just having a coke. I just like the atmosphere in some bars so it’s not a big deal to me if he drinks or not, although I won’t pretend I don’t find it a bit annoying he drinks with his pals and not me! I’d understand more if he didn’t drink at all!

OP posts:

Original poster

Louisiannahotsauce · 13/01/2019 20:49

@Corbyns he comes home pissed and he tells me.

OP posts:

Jenwiththecurls · 13/01/2019 20:56

I once dated a guy like this. He had a very addictive personality and was an all or nothing person when it came to alcohol.
A quiet drink just wasn't a thing he enjoyed. He'd get wasted with his mates, or occasionally with me, but would then have a hangover for 2 days.
As others have said, can't he have a non-alcoholic drink? It does sound like he is willing to do other stuff to celebrate (like go for a meal) so at least it's not like he doesn't want to celebrate at all?

SheAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 13/01/2019 21:03

I don't find it weird I have to say. My husband and I both do this. We'll drink when out with friends or sometimes (but not always) at family events etc. We never drink together at home. We do go to pubs sometimes at the weekend but more for lunch rather than just drinking. We both prefer soft drinks but like the social aspect of going out drinking with friends. It's never been an issue!

PissOffPeppa · 13/01/2019 21:08

My husband is a bit like this. I don’t drink so when he’s with me he’s made the decision to not drink, although he will when he’s with his friends. He’s not a big fan of alcohol really so only drinks with his mates because it’s the done thing.

However we do often go to a pub/ bar and just drink Coke. Like you say, it’s nice to go for the atmosphere and something to do together even without alcohol.

I can’t see any reason why he wouldn’t want to go out with you for a non-alcoholic drink. Does he have a problem with alcohol and he’s scared he won’t be able to resist a drink when he’s in that environment?

Propertywoe · 13/01/2019 21:17

I have had in the past had drinking friends that only involved drinking but had other friends and partners when I felt comfortable not drinking. These people were “pub friend” take away alcohol there was not much else in common.

NyNameIsTaken · 13/01/2019 21:27

I very very rarely drink and haven't done so for about five years. I just went off it and no longer like the feeling of being tipsy and drunk and I don't like the taste of most alcoholic drinks.

Doesn't bother dh now, and he rarely drinks anymore himself, but yes, when I first started skipping alcohol he was kind of pissed off because he'd want to drink with me and for a while wouldn't drink himself and sulk about it. He didn't want to "drink alone".

It's not that I'm anti alcohol or anything like that and if I'm in the mood for a drink I'll have one, on the few occasions I'd have a glass of wine with a meal at my Mams or cocktail when on a very very rare night with my sister he'd complain that I can have a glass with friends but not with him. Felt a bit weird that he was keeping a tally of who was there when I fancied a rare glass of wine! He'd ask if I'd had alcohol when I'd been out without him and I told him it was weird and odd. He stopped doing it and it's no longer an issue at all but it took a few rows and me pointing out if a man was doing this to our dd he'd tell her to leave. He often doesn't drink when he goes out now and gets pissed off with his mates trying to force it on him and said if I was also trying to pressure him into drinking like he did with me he's be unhappy and apologises for being the twat he was.

NyNameIsTaken · 13/01/2019 21:32

I'll also add, I think I'm more likely to drink with a larger group of friends to loosen myself up and take that nervous edge off. Some of my friends are very extraverted whereas I'm quite shy and in a group can feel a bit nervous. Whereas I'm. It on edge or feeling anxious with dh.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread