To ask for your cluster feeding survival stories?

[PickettBowtruckles]

Not really an AIBU but I’ve a 8 day old little girl who for the past 48 hours has refused to be anywhere except attached to my boob. She’s obviously only still tiny and the first few days at home we worked on getting her to sleep in her crib or Moses basket as she only wanted to be on me or DH. This started working and we had a few 3 hour naps in the crib which was amazing. However two days ago she won’t be anywhere except me. She falls asleep on the boob but if I try to remove her she screams and the cycle starts again, back on the boob until she sleeps, and if I dare move it’s game over.

It doesn’t help that I had a big bleed post delivery so was told my milk could take a while to come in, she’d lost 10% weight loss by day 3 so we had to start formula top ups. By day 5 she’d regained enough to only be at 4% weight loss and advised to stop the top ups again. I’ve reduced the top ups to only at night but I’m scared to give them up entirely as I just still don’t think I have enough milk. She seems so hungry all the time and I feel awful that I just can’t keep her full and happy. DH is desperate to help and previously we’d had a good routine of I’d feed and then pass her to him for winding and cuddles but she just won’t let us, he’s feeling useless and so I feel bad for him too!

Last night I was talking about giving up breastfeeding, I absolutely love it and so badly want to be able to continue for my little one but just feel on my knees and not sure how I’m gonna cope without anymore sleep or how she’s going to feel content. Please someone tell me this gets better?

Oh, I should also mention that I’ve not been engorged at all, nor have I leaked, but she had only lost 4% of her birth weight at day five, and had surpassed her birth weight now, so don’t worry about that being an indicator of your supply.

Make sure you’re having enough to drink. Also, could your iron levels be low? My midwife recommended spatone water and I did feel a lot better once I started on it.

It is totally exhausting but if you are keen to bf then just keep going.
I agree that a really good box set and loads of food is important. You are doing the equivalent of about two spin classes a day so you can eat eat eat.
My DD used to feed more at night time then in the morning would sleep so my DH would take her for a walk and I used to get about two hours deep sleep.

The one piece of advice that got me through bf.Is take it a day at a time.

Seriously you are stuck on the couch so make sure when your dh goes to work,he makes sandwiches and leaves plenty of snacks.Also water,

And really put the child in the pram,go out.Not only will they sleep[eventually] but it gives you a break and a bit of fresh air.

And you will get through it,these early days are so tough.

I recently found the diary I kept from the first few months of bf. I logged every feed, nappy change, which breast dc fed from, time spend feeding, sleep etc. I was just exhausted looking at it.

I was surrounded by people in RL that had never bf so they didn't understand why my baby fed so often. I was told my baby must be starving and that they would sleep for longer if I FF. I was also told that FF meant the feeds would be less "on demand" and be every 4 hours so obvious I best just give up and take that option . I am very stubborn so I decided to continue. MN and kellymom offered me great advice and I was able to understand bf a lot more.

At 6 weeks was the hardest for me. I was exhausted! I tried to speak one day but I couldn't get any words out as I had no energy left. Not long after that it got better. We EBF for 13 months! I know it's very controversial to say, but i am very proud of it. Not because it was BF over FF but because it was one of the most challenging things I have ever done.

Take each day as it comes. Keep alert, do lots of kangaroo time and enjoy the cuddles.

Box sets, films, someone bringing you drinks and snacks. It will pass.

I couldn’t squeeze a drop for about six days. We’d started to give him formula from a small cup, my husband was about to go and buy a whole set of bottles and a steriliser because I’d reached breaking point when the most amazing midwife came to visit and explained the impact of the blood loss. My milk came in over the seven and eighth day. I stopped topping him up when he started to fall asleep at the end of a breastfeed and had that milk drunk, peaceful look which was probably around the tenth day.

My son was such a frequent feeder that I only ever had that rock solid feeling when he’d magically slept more than four hours or I had to be away from him for any length of time. I was never able to successfully pump more than a few mls for him even when I’d developed an oversupply 😂🙈. So as the others have said, ability to express milk is not a good indicator of supply, wet and dirty nappies and a contented baby are.

It’s literally one of the most natural things in the world - doesn’t mean it’s the easiest though. At times it demanding and relentless. You sound like you’re doing brilliantly!

How much you pump is not an indicator of supply.

As pp have said, it all sounds totally normal and it absolute does get better

The early days are so tough, they were among the toughest of my life. You're in the thick of the newborn fog right now but this too shall pass keep eating, drinking and feeding and life will get easier soon.

My DS was a champion cluster feeder for weeks and weeks. Advice like '8-10 feeds in 24 hours' drove me mad because he was doing more like 16-20 which made me feel like we were both failing rather than him just being a bit of a snacker. Like pp I was determined to stick with breastfeeding as long as he was gaining weight, it was almost a perverse desire to control a situation, even though there were plenty of logical reasons to mix feed or switch to formula. I used to take him to bed with me in the afternoon so I could doze and feed him lying down, and in the evenings he fed pretty much constantly from 6-10pm.

The thing I hated most was people/websites saying 'by 6 weeks it will settle down', 'by 8 weeks it will all change'... and it didn't! In our case it took until he was 17 weeks, and within 3 days he went from 15 feeds/24 hours to 8 feeds. He is now 8 months and I'm still feeding him (now 5 x a day!) completely problem free.

Things I learned in the early days were:

Eat and drink lots.
When the baby does let you put them down go for a wee, stock up on snacks and drinks, stand up!! and only then do any household jobs you want to do.
Trust yourself and your baby, if they want to feed, let them.
Trust your supply, you don't need to feel engorged or be able to express to have enough milk. 5 wet nappies in 24 hours plus weight gain is all you need.
It's ok to be annoyed about being trapped under a baby and to not enjoy every single 'newborn cuddle'.
Find a tv programme that is enjoyable but not so complicated that you'll get lost if you miss a bit.
It's ok to hate people who say 'it'll get better/this too will pass' (even though it will).
When/if you want to change your feeding method, you'll know it's the right thing for you both. Until then, take things one feed at a time.

You are doing great OP. I know it’s really hard, but these early days are the hardest IMO and if you just stick it out, it will all click into place eventually

Get some good box sets (or Netflix) and just chill on the sofa with your baby on your boob. I’m feeling nostalgic remembering when I was you - it goes so very fast!

I had issues with BF which meant I was topping up with Formula and pumping for three months! At that point our issues resolved and my son was EBF. So just let go of the pressure - looking back I put ridiculous amounts of pressure on myself for no reason at all.

Keep posting and congratulations on your beautiful daughter

Also - agree with PP, there is no “one magical date” when everything is suddenly easy - expecting it can just lead to disappointment and feelings of failure if you pass that date without everything going perfectly!

It’s different for everyone- for me it was 12 weeks.. fingers crossed that it will be a different (shorter!) period for you

Yes, it’s normal. It feels like an eternity but it does end, sooner than you think.

I’ve breastfed 2 babies and I’ve never got on well with a pump. So don’t worry about how much you can pump. It doesn’t mean anything. What was her weight loss exactly? My DS2 lost 10.3% and I didn’t give formula top ups, just cracked on with feeding. So you will be able to drop the formula top ups gradually.

Lots of babies are “clingy” (don’t like that word) at that age. Google second trimester. Doesn’t matter if they are breast fed or formula fed, they want to be close to mummy or at least a warm body. Breastfeeding offers amazing comfort to them as well as nutrition.

I personally found things got easier at about 8 weeks with both of mine. After that it was much easier, no faffing with sterilising, bottles, formula powder. Especially with DS2, breastfeeding made it easier to just feed on demand round DS1. I fed DS1 til he was 15 months, DS2 I’m still feeding at 10 months, will happily go to longer this time. But with both of them I considered giving up in the early days. It’s exhausting. Lower your expectations of yourself and baby. Go with the flow.

You said she cried in the pram when you went for a walk - at that age I just used to carry my babies as they are so light anyway. I think they prefer the feeling of the motion of your body as you walk and being tucked up next to you. I personally preferred carrying but some people prefer to use a sling.

I think she is too young to really expect her to regularly lie down in her moses basket by herself other than for short times or while she is in a deep sleep. I think she is still a part of you and will only detach a bit over the next few weeks and months so needs to be next to you a lot. This article explains about the idea of the fourth trimester m.huffingtonpost.co.uk/sarah-ockwellsmith/fourth-trimester-newborns_b_9607642.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer_us=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmllLw&guce_referrer_cs=GC2B5KmH0TLOSqbQ7J1itQ

You're doing fine. Breastfeeding in the early days is tough. I'd say it is hard until about 12 - 16 weeks then suddenly both mine could latch on and off much better, didn't fall asleep feeding so much, and fed much quicker and on a more predictable routine.

How full you feel and how much you pump is NOT a reflection of how much milk you are producing. Even if you feel empty, your body still produces it as she is sucking.

Please don't worry about not having enough, if she has plenty of wet and dirty nappies about and is gaining weight well. I always found when I was dropping a feed it took 2 or 3 days for my body to adjust. So just try doing it gradually so drop half a bottle every 2 or 3 days. Make sure you are feeding frequently in the night as well as this signals very strongly to your body that you have a hungry newborn and it increases your supply a lot.

Have you read up on the 4th trimester. The baby will want to be close to you for a few weeks yet and sleeping on you or your husband is totally normal at this stage and especially if you're breastfeeding as it provides such comfort to them. It's knackering but I promise once she sleeps in her cot you will miss the sleepy cuddles.

You're doing really well. Your husband can support you by taking the baby a lot in the day while you nap, giving her baths, changing her etc and will have much more interaction with her as she gets older.

If you want to give her expressed milk try expressing when feeding from the other side (easier as they get older and don't need to be held in position as much)

It will end
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If you can master side lying feeding it will absolutely change everything. If feeding is comfortable for you this will be easier as you won’t be faffing trying to get s decent latch - just lay baby down next to you on a safe sleep surface, support her to the breast with your hand behind her back, and once she’s under way just shut your eyes and doze. She can latch on and off as she likes if she’s close enough, you can get some much needed rest (I won’t say sleep), but your eyes will be shut and your mind will switch off and then the next time you properly come to it’ll be hours later rather than minutes! It’s a survival must of your baby is cluster feeding or just a frequent feeder in general. Don’t fight them wanting to be on you the whole time, you will lose. Grab a sling for when you want to do things, share a safe sleep surface when all you want is sleep and all she wants is milk. Roll with it. It will end, but these are the things you can do that will stop it feeling like torture! Xxx

Very normal! You're making a good start with breastfeeding. Do try to just sit down with her as much as possible and leave her to it and she will make sure you have plenty of milk. If you had a big bleed (I did too) then make the priority self care: have plenty of small meals, healthy snacks and loads of water (and cups of tea???). Try to get a few naps in the day, particularly before the cluster feeding time starts! You're doing great! Also do get her checked for tongue tie as others have suggested.

What @modge said! Also get an extra long phone charger cable, didn't realise how much time I'd spend zombie browsing on my phone while my tiny girl fed.... and fed.... and fed! She's 8 weeks now so i think we've come through the other side of the cluster feeds for now, srill feeding every 1.5h overnight and more than that in the day time.

Definitely agree that things change every day, I've found the key to staying chilled about it is to not have any expectations, just go with the flow and don't compare to others, don't listen to the (sometimes well meaning) "is she hungry AGAIN?" from family etc (yes, yes she is! Therefore behold my boob!!!) Also oats are meant to increase your milk supply... I'm pretty sure this is an old wives tale but it's an excellent excuse to stuff your face with chocolate hobnobs!!!!

I couldn't express more than 20ml ever (tried everything) and still my 2 babies grew fine with BF, it really isn't an indication of supply.

I know it's hard but just try to go with it, chocolate and box sets are the way to go. Especially if it is your first baby and you can just sit and chill.

Hope you and bub are well OP. Those newborn days are tough so hang in there and be kind to yourself

Just thought I’d come back and update as I hate when I’m googling issues and old threads come up with no update as to if anything changed!

She’ll be a month old tomorrow, and you were all right, things do get easier. We’ve have a few days of great sleep, I’m not smug yet as I know everything can change still but I’m incredibly grateful that I’ve had three decent nights sleep in a row. Co-sleeping saved us (something I swore I’d never do, but have grown to really love and am reluctant to transition back to the crib as it works so well for us both!). Initially I’d get 1-2 hours sleep, then we had a few nights of 3 hours but waking very early (4am ish) and not going back to sleep until 9/10, but the last three she’s done 5+ hour stretches which is amazing. We’re still on formula top ups but they’re being reduced gradually and she’s not having them at every feed.

We still have the odd cluster feed moments but these tend to last a few hours rather than days on end, and generally feeding is going well. I no longer feel like my nipples are going to fall off so I’m taking that as a big positive too! Since she’s been sleeping better the feeding has improved also which in turn means a generally happier baby. I’m sure we’ll have some rough days again soon but right now things are going well. Thank you again so much to everyone who took the time to comment here, I was really struggling at the time and was lovely to have reassurance it will get better!

Chocolate and a netflix/box set on the go. Flask of tea. Survival mode.

Your thread brought back memories . Glad you are doing better. My only advice is to read up on the typical growth spurt ages so you aren't too when baby starts a feeding frenzy again.

Fantastic news. And great to see you come back and update. Will help so many other mums in your situation.