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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not shed a tear....

3 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 13/01/2019 00:33

My Nan died back in September and I still haven’t shed a tear. I’m not the crying type so didn’t cry when my grandad died nor when our beloved pets died. I’ve always been the strong one. Held everyone up when they’ve been down. It wasn’t an expected death either, my mum had come downstairs and found her slumped against the backdoor barely breathing, called the ambulance whilst coming to wake me up. So I was the second person to see her and I wouldn’t wish the image on anyone. It’s now permanently stuck in my brain. Im an over thinker so you can imagine every scenario has gone through my brain the last 4 months. We were very close when I was younger, even though we had grew apart I still helped her, loved her and adored her even if she did drive me nuts most of the time. I think of her in all situations, like today and average Saturday she would have walked the hallway around 20 times, shuffling in her slippers, asked me 50 million questions about random things and just spending time with her great grandchildren ( my dc) it breaks my heart when my dd 6 who was the closest to her says she misses her, she doesn’t really understand and I sometimes feel anger that she left her behind.i know it’s not her fault I just can’t help it. My DS who has asd was incredibly sad the first few months, he hasn’t spoken about her since before Christmas and anytime my dd says something about her he gets angry and they start arguing. It was his birthday last Saturday and she would have been the 1st one wishing him happy birthday. He didn’t mention her but I felt her presence was missing. She was 73 and had a great full life. I just feel bad be8ng the only one who hasn’t shed a tear.... anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 13/01/2019 00:36

You're grieving, everyone grieves differently.
It is very sad but your lovely gran is at peace, be thankful she didn't have a long, drawn out illness.

I know it is a cliche but time heals. 'Cruise' are very good, I have a friend who is a Cruise counsellor.

Enjoy the good memories.

Wine
Outnotdown · 13/01/2019 00:44

It is perfectly normal not to cry. It has only been a short time and you sound like you have a lot of other stuff to deal with. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself time, and don't judge yourself

Counselling might help, if you're interested in it.Flowers

showmeshoyu · 13/01/2019 00:48

Sometimes when you're not crying, you're actually grieving and hurting much more inside and too broken to cry. I went for years and built trauma on trauma until I started healing and then I cried at the slightest thing for a year straight. Or maybe you're just not wired the same way... it's not like you're happy this has happened, you're just not displaying the same response as some others do.

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