My Nan died back in September and I still haven’t shed a tear. I’m not the crying type so didn’t cry when my grandad died nor when our beloved pets died. I’ve always been the strong one. Held everyone up when they’ve been down. It wasn’t an expected death either, my mum had come downstairs and found her slumped against the backdoor barely breathing, called the ambulance whilst coming to wake me up. So I was the second person to see her and I wouldn’t wish the image on anyone. It’s now permanently stuck in my brain. Im an over thinker so you can imagine every scenario has gone through my brain the last 4 months. We were very close when I was younger, even though we had grew apart I still helped her, loved her and adored her even if she did drive me nuts most of the time. I think of her in all situations, like today and average Saturday she would have walked the hallway around 20 times, shuffling in her slippers, asked me 50 million questions about random things and just spending time with her great grandchildren ( my dc) it breaks my heart when my dd 6 who was the closest to her says she misses her, she doesn’t really understand and I sometimes feel anger that she left her behind.i know it’s not her fault I just can’t help it. My DS who has asd was incredibly sad the first few months, he hasn’t spoken about her since before Christmas and anytime my dd says something about her he gets angry and they start arguing. It was his birthday last Saturday and she would have been the 1st one wishing him happy birthday. He didn’t mention her but I felt her presence was missing. She was 73 and had a great full life. I just feel bad be8ng the only one who hasn’t shed a tear.... anyone else been in a similar situation?