To want my sex life back?

[ScreechOwlx]

Ugh!! Is it really too much to ask? I have not had sex for over a year now! Last time i had sex i was still pregnant with my youngest (shes 1 next month!) Its just making me feel so unattractive..granted ive gotten a little tubby since our second arrived and im trying hard to shift it..but its like we dont act like a couple anymore :( yes we still hug and have a kiss..but what about the sex? We've been together nearly 9 years now, OH has severe depression, i know the anti depressants can destroy your sex drive..but is it too much to ask for even once a week without being rejected :( i feel fat and ugly enough as it is without this adding to it? Our daughter is still in our bedroom as we only have a two bedroom house!

Is it a stupid reason to end a relationship of nearly 9 years because your OH would rather watch tv, sleep, play his game consoles than have sex? As thats how bad its gotten!! I sometimes feel like walking out but somethings pulling me back!! Ive tried everything to try and entice him..underwear, porn, sex toys, massages...you name it! :(

Am i now going to have to give up any sniff of a sex life now i have two kids and were no longer in the honeymoon period of our relationship!! :( Kill me now!!

You pointed out three major issues, any of which could cool his ardour:

1. you're not as body confident
2. he's on ADs (which for some of my friends were 100% libido erasure alone)
3. you have a child in your bedroom!

So what are you going to do about it? These are all fixable. For 1 you can make yourself feel attractive again, 2 his GP may be able to recommend different ADs or a different dose and for 3 you need to find a way for you to have your marital bed back.

If you remove the problems, you may get what you desire. But you knew this already, no? Given you were very specific.

I should have added, for a man, especially on ADs, it's not a matter of being "too much to ask" for once a week, without the desire he may be physically incapable. He can't just lie back and think of England.

Ending a relationship because of lack of sex due to depression would be cold and in my opinion weak.

Unless he's abusive YABU. Support him.

Looks like im gonna be celibate then! , because one..ill never "love my body"..two c sections later and im left with the dreaded overhang..i was a size 10 when i met my OH..ive gone up 3 dress sizes since having both kids..this issue cannot be fixed with "Ohhh..gotta learn to love yourself"..because with someone with as many hang ups as mine...it sounds a pretty wet thing to do

As said before..understood...ADs zap any kind of sexual feeling or desire..i was on them for a year myself in the past.

Gaining back the "marital bedroom" WONT happen because we only have two bedrooms..my eldest sleeps in the other..hes not gonna be too chuffed about sharing with his sister...and we cannot afford to move house! It never stopped us having sex when our son was tiny and he was in the same room as us...so i haven't a clue what gives now!

Ending a relationship due to lack of sex, and other things that have happened over the years doesn't seem as "cold and weak" as it seems. There's only so much one can support..ive supported for over 9 years and I'm almost at the end of my tether..theres only so many times i can take over the household tasks, work, look after two kids while he sits on his ass and takes the easy way out..i dont get any help with anything!! Now tell me again how i can possibly support someone anymore than i already do?

We are struggling at the moment too, we have a toddler and 10 and 12 year olds. Toddler co sleeps with me, hubby in sons bottom bunk 😩 we used to do it downstairs but recently by the time the big kids are actually asleep we are ready for sleeping ourselves 😬

It’s hard work when you have little ones. If it’s just sex that you’re missing then I’m sure it can be fixed xx

Yanbu. I think it's not just about the sex, but the sex is a symptom of pretty major issues in your relationship. Have you sought counselling. Maybe that would give your dh the wake up call to go back to his GP. As you said, the baby in the bedroom doesn't have to be an issue. Your own body confidence may improve with counselling too.

“Ive tried everything to try and entice him..underwear, porn, sex toys, massages...you name it! ”

That should be more than enough for any man. He should be absolutely over the moon.

If I was unable or unwilling to respond to that I’d be seeing every doctor and head doctor you could find.

Not wanting to be mean, but if you're feel unattractive and havephysicially changed substantially, he's on ADs and you can't have a bedroom to yourselves, I am not really surprised he's struggling. In fact, given those parameters, I'd imagine the only way you could expect stiffness is rigor mortis. You can't just magic up desire when the situation isn't favourable. I'm sorry, I'm sure there will be somebody out there whose husband could fuck a McRib sandwich, on the highest strength medication in the world as the pope watched on disapprovingly, but not joe average.

It's not that the situation is fine, you're happy, he's not depressed, you've both slept for more than two hours and you're on a romantic break in a luxury hotel in Florence.

I'm not saying any of this to be mean, but you've listed some major passion killers there and you can't fake an erection.

There's always the sofa.
But it sounds like he's indulging himself on activities which numb him and drag him away from reality. I do that when I'm depressed.