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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To join the kids birthdays?

15 replies

EyebagsOnLegs · 12/01/2019 23:55

My 10 year old has always had a party, trampolining or a hall hire etc but as an only child it was ok. This time be turns 11 and 13 days later his brother turns 1. I’m not into expensive baby parties to be honest, that’s just me.
Would it be out of order to have close family round for a joint tea party for both of them? Some of my family are 3 hours away with kids of their own and I couldn’t ask them to do both within 2 weeks and money is tight anyway. I’m doing a trip to the zoo or something for them both and lunch at their/our favourite place so it’s not like they’re doing nothing and eldest wants to do paintball on the actual day but that’s very dependant on how much of a pain in the arse he wants to be lately.

Is it stingy/unreasonable? If not, when would you suggest? Thank you

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 13/01/2019 00:00

If I were a 10 year old, used to having a "big" party, I would not be terribly impressed with sharing a birthday party with my one year old sibling, if I'm honest.
In the circumstances you describe, I would have the family party for the one year old and a small number of the 10 year old's friends for paint balling. If money is tight, I wouldn't do either the trip out, or lunch out. Maybe a special tea at home, something that you don't usually have and is a favourite.

Blueroses99 · 13/01/2019 00:05

I think it’s fine to have a joint ‘family’ celebration and individual ‘friends’ parties (ie paintball for the 10 year old). Family won’t want to travel twice in 2 weeks and it seems meant to ignore one or other birthday as they are so close. And the individual event can all about the birthday child.

user139328237 · 13/01/2019 00:09

The most important thing is that the 10 year old gets a celebration with his friends that is just his. If this means you can't afford anything for the baby so be it as parties at that age are for the benefit of the parents rather than the child.

Lovingbenidorm · 13/01/2019 00:11

The 1yo isn’t even going to be aware it’s their birthday. Family join together to say “ooh” and “aah” take pictures etc, so have the family round for that, it’s more about adults anyway.
The 10yo needs to have a party with mates. If you can afford paint balling great, if not, I think you still need to make it HIS day

PoptartPoptart · 13/01/2019 00:13

I think that if your 10 year old has always had a party as an only child, you would be pretty unreasonable this year to say no party and instead share a family get together with his 1 year old sibling.
This will breed resentment on his part towards his sibling. In his eyes, as soon as baby brother has come along he doesn’t get what you have always given him. Your 1 year old won’t know or care that it’s his birthday. For the sake of family harmony ans good relations and not making your son feel like his world has completely changed due to his sibling’s arrival, i would let him have a party with his friends as usual.

HopeGarden · 13/01/2019 00:16

I think it’s fine to have a joint ‘family’ celebration and individual ‘friends’ parties (ie paintball for the 10 year old).

^^ Agree

halcyondays · 13/01/2019 00:22

What Poptart said.
I assume family wouldn't usually travel for his birthday if he has a party with friends. Maybe don't do lunch/zoo as well if money is tight.

Original poster
EyebagsOnLegs · 13/01/2019 00:23

I’m not sure if I’ve mr explained myself properly.

My 10 year old is getting a birthday treat with friends. If not paintball, then a film and arcade or something similar. Every year that he’s had a hall hire, trampoline park etc it’s been with friends (sometimes with similar ages cousins if they can) and then a tea party type thing for family to see him after.

I did also say that I’m not a fan of parties as such for babies. The tea party is so that family can come and see both of them.

Both getting zoo/similar
Both getting pizza
Both seeing family
10 yo having his own birthday treat with some mates.

It was just about the family gathering

OP posts:
Original poster
EyebagsOnLegs · 13/01/2019 00:24

Not*

OP posts:
Original poster
EyebagsOnLegs · 13/01/2019 00:26

I also took 10 and a friend rock climbing when baby was weeks old, he’s had a lot of special treatment as not to feel excluded and his behaviour has slipped quite a bit unfortunately.

OP posts:
Lovingbenidorm · 13/01/2019 00:26

Well of course it’s totally reasonable to have a joint family tea!
I’m not sure what you’re even asking now!

cowfacemonkey · 13/01/2019 00:30

Think you are over thinking it. Sounds like he will have a lovely birthday and nothing wrong with having family down as a joint celebration.

Original poster
EyebagsOnLegs · 13/01/2019 00:35

I’m just not sure when to do it, if it’s not cheeky to in the first place. It’s not like I forbid anyone coming on 10’s birthday for presents etc and he can have cake but I only wanted to do proper cake, banners, food out and everyone invited on the one day. My house is tiny and I’m also disabled so it’s very squished and takes a lot out of me to do it twice. 10 falls on a Monday and 1 is the Sunday after the next, so 1’s day seems the best option. Providing it’s 50/50, I won’t have anyone give more attention to the baby (OH Mum does this unintentionally but ducks 🦆 me off. Thanks autocorrect)

OP posts:
FlipF · 13/01/2019 01:04

Your plan sounds fine to me. Surely you can explain to your 10 year old why you are doing it like you are. Your reasons are very sensible.

Original poster
EyebagsOnLegs · 13/01/2019 17:18

Thank you everyone

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