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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To bring up with my mum about not buying my OH something for his birthday?

4 replies

Auramigraine · 12/01/2019 18:23

Hi alL

Been with OH 12 years now.....
now before the title makes me sound ungrateful, my mum ALWAYS gets my OH something for his birthday, a card or usually £10 or a 4 pack of lager, something. His parents are awful and want nothing to do with him, haven’t for years, so he doesn’t get a card or anything usually only off me and my mum and the kids. Suddenly this year she got him nothing, not even a card. She didn’t forget as she came to my house as he was leaving for work and wished him a happy birthday.

For Xmas I usually buy her a voucher or she picks something she would like in a clothes shop, we hadn’t got round to it so she said it was fine and to buy her something when we next went shopping, we have been shopping once since then and she didn’t find anything she liked so her own words were to get something next time. I’m starting to wonder if because I still owe her a present she’s decided not to bother with my OH.

Now usually I would let it slide and just let it go but it’s really upset and bothered my OH he can’t understand why. She’s talking to him like normal etc. She can be a bit sulky though and we did give her a laundry basket we didn’t use anymore, she asked OH could he put it up but he’s been so busy with work he hasn’t had chance to nip round yet, she was a bit funny about that. I just can’t understand why she’s not bothered this year.

My mum has three sons who do nothing at all for her, my OH does an awful lot for her, she had a car accident a few months ago and he took care of everything, talking to insurance, sorting car out, talking to the other driver etc etc. Can’t understand it. She treats her sons lovely even though they don’t give her the time of day, but after everything he does he can’t even get a lousy card? Would you ask or just let it go?
Just to add so not drip feeding, she’s not short of money and we always buy her a present or take her for a meal for her birthday so it can’t be that either....

OP posts:
AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 12/01/2019 18:28

Have a polite word with her and do not accuse her of anything. Make it clear how your OH has dearly appreciated her remembering his birthday by her tokens and ask has he upset her in anyway? Then once she's given a brief answer change the subject.

Shoobydooby09 · 12/01/2019 18:28

I think I'd just ask her why this year she didn't get him a card, they cost pence. I know you're both upset she didn't get him a present but I think just enquiring as to why she didn't even give him a card, you will probably get your answer.

FreshlyWashed · 12/01/2019 18:33

Ask her if everything's ok?

MsHopey · 12/01/2019 18:42

My DM hasn't brought my DH anything for his birthday for 3 years, always used to get him something and get a my DSis DH a present.
When asked she keeps saying she's forgotten, then a few months down the line she says she'll just get us a joint birthday present and I get PJs and he still gets FA.
I've given up asking now and thankfully DH doesn't really care. But to me it's the principal, I'm a SAHM, so while it is joint money, technically DHs wages buy her birthday, mothers day and Christmas gifts, so it annoys me that she can't be arsed with him anymore.
I don't know what the answer is, I've brought it up several times and she says she's forgotten, but he never gets anything.

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