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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? MIL driving me nuts!

42 replies

OxeyeDaisy · 12/01/2019 15:50

Sorry I know these posts pop up all of the time (at least posted on here saves me digging up the patio to hide the body later)

So I have been with my OH a long time and over the years she has driven me nuts and there have been points where we haven’t spoken for ages.

It’s OH birthday soon and today she has asked me if he would like a book for his birthday? To which I have replied I doubt it. OH doest read and would have no interest in it. and it would just collect dust and eventually piss me off and end up in the charity shop.

Then she changes tone and says that’s she is getting him one to and starts an argument about it because she doesn’t like the answer given.

This is a common occurrence with her that she doesn’t listen to what your saying and does what she wants anyway or then claims that the conversation hasn’t happened.

Would I be a complete CF to tell her that all the gift sets we get given for birthday and Xmas go to a food bank and all the other shit they buy goes straight to the charity shop!

I always ask for vouchers for us usually because they don’t cause clutter again this falls on deaf ears!

Short of burying her under the patio how do I get her to stop and listen?

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 12/01/2019 18:08

I agree with ENormaSnob not all MILs are like this. I'm a MIL and I'm lovely Grin.

I've never driven anyone nuts.

LagunaBubbles · 12/01/2019 18:13

MILs are this way naturally. Best thing to do; don't respond, minimal answers. You can never win so don't try. Enjoy as little contact as possible

I take it you are referring to the Mums of men here, because Mums of women here are also Mils. So no not all Mums with adult children are like this. Hmm

tinytreefrog · 12/01/2019 18:14

She sounds like my mother! So many crappy, useless, pointless presents........ but you can't tell her.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/01/2019 18:51

I take it you are referring to the Mums of men here, because Mums of women here are also Mils. So no not all Mums with adult children are like this

Hang on,not all women with adult sons are like this either Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 12/01/2019 19:08

I know... that's why I said Mums with adult CHILDREN ... that kind of covers Mums of sons and daughters!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/01/2019 19:20

I'm sorry Laguna, read it without my glasses on Grin

LagunaBubbles · 12/01/2019 19:35

Haha no worries Greatduckcookery. My DH didn't have his glasses on either when he booked us all panto tickets online... thankfully the next day the they are let us change them from the 2nd December which he had booked to the 27th December, the right date! Grin

junebirthdaygirl · 12/01/2019 19:54

I think your response was rude. So two annoying people are hardly going to get on. Maybe put yourself in her shoes for a moment. She belongs to a different generation where gifts were something you graciously received and she's not up with the new idea of ordering what you want. Let her buy whatever she decides. She was just thinking out loud when she said it and wasn't prepared for such a sharp reply.
Someone here said all mil are the same . Well judging by what l read here it might seem like all dils are the same too.
But fortunately there are good ones ..mils and dils..around who just respect each other and don't expect the perfect present but accept the giver was well intentioned.
Why there has to be an issue about this l will never understand.

Nanny0gg · 12/01/2019 19:58

MILs are this way naturally. Best thing to do; don't respond, minimal answers. You can never win so don't try. Enjoy as little contact as possible.

ODFOD

OP - Charity shop. And smile when you say Thank You

GreenTulips · 12/01/2019 20:00

Why she asking you anyway? Why can’t she ask OH? I’d be a bit peed off it my Mom rang DH about gifts for me

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/01/2019 20:14

Oh you were lucky there Laguna Grin

tillytrotter1 · 12/01/2019 20:16

Someone here said all mil are the same . Well judging by what l read here it might seem like all dils are the same too.

My thoughts exactly, one assumes that the husbands' MILs are perfection personified!
Hopefully when it's your birthday she'll buy your favourite perfume and donate it straight to the charity shop and let you know!

Marriedwithchildren5 · 12/01/2019 20:42

Use to get the worst presents off mil. Use to say thanks and attempted to use some.of them. All in one snood, microwave bacon tray, electric ice scrapper. Not sure why you wouldnt treasure these little quirks.

SuziQ10 · 12/01/2019 20:47

Just distance yourself from her if she's a PITA.
If she gets a rubbish gift who cares. She's the one that doesn't know her own son well enough to know what he'd like.
Skip the drama. Think about something else.

Mouikey · 12/01/2019 20:56

Next time she asks just say ‘get him what you think he would like.’ That way you shouldn’t have the disagreement. Alternatively ask why she is asking you given she never listens to the answer. Obviously option 2 may be a bit provocative!

Singlenotsingle · 12/01/2019 21:19

Presents are do personal. How do you know what someone would like? what they've already got? I just give my ddil fifty pounds and tell her to treat herself to something nice. But then I could be criticised for not putting any love or thought into it. You can't win!

pigsDOfly · 13/01/2019 11:31

I'm sure someone on here will be able to offer 'helpful' criticism as to why the £50 you give your DIL isn't acceptable, singlenotsingle but that'll be just because you are the mother of son and a MIL, so you are bound to be getting it wrong according to MN.

That's pretty much what I do with my own DCs whom I love very much. Like you I have no idea what to buy them and that way they don't get something they don't want.

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