Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my teenage son's behaviour normal?

53 replies

hiddenrabbit · 12/01/2019 13:11

DS had a party last night and has since been tagged on instagram in a picture kissing another lad. There are loads of comments on it from his mates and girls as well and all seems to be a bit of a joke being made, how drunk they were etc.

I want to ask him about it, he knows I follow him on instagram but probably doesn't think I use it or would look at his tagged pictures. I have never even considered the fact he might be gay. He has had girlfriends and always seemed very interested in girls and very heterosexual.

Is it normal for teenage boys these days to kiss each other as a joke? Do you think I should ask him about it? He is 16.

OP posts:
tiggerkid · 12/01/2019 14:19

The fact that he had girlfriends and now kissed a boy could mean that he is bisexual rather than gay? Or he may, indeed, be gay, who was confused before? Either way, what will you achieve by asking? Do you just want to know? If that's the case, you could do.

On the subject of whether that's normal. If you are asking whether everyone does it, then the answer is probably no. I have a 16-year old too. He told us he is definitely not gay and would never kiss a boy. Not that he sees anything wrong with when others do it. So, no, not everyone does it.

masterandmargarita · 12/01/2019 14:19

I would be more concerned that it's on Instagram

whatsthepointthen · 12/01/2019 14:22

I agree with pp it isnt normal for any boys I know and Ive certainly never heard of it (unless gay)

But like I said this has been posted before.

StreetwiseHercules · 12/01/2019 14:23

Maybe just mind your own business. When my kids are 16 I will not be remotely interested in their live lives or who the kiss on a night out.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/01/2019 14:25

What were the comments ?

If they were things like "What the Jeff were you drinking rabbitboy di ya have yer beer googles on mate"? then meh

If they were spiteful, then he needs to examine his friendships.

I'd be worried about how drunk they were , if he's that out of it he might not be thinking about protecting himself

HildaZelda · 12/01/2019 14:30

Well, it's been over 20 year since I was 16 but I can still remember being at an 18th party and 2 lads having a snog for the camera. Both of them were definitely straight and one of them had a girlfriend who was sitting next to him laughing, so it's probably not too unusual.

PregnantSea · 12/01/2019 14:49

It sounds like a joke. He may have even been doing it to impress girls. This sort of thing is considered much more "normal" now than it was when we were kids.

Besides, even if it's not a joke, there's no point in bringing it up. Teenagers have confusing feelings sometimes. He may feel that his privacy has been invaded if you bring up the picture. If he needs to talk to you he'll let you know.

georgiaind · 12/01/2019 14:54

Honestly form reading it, I don't think he is gay. If he was and he hasn't said anything, he would obviously be slightly uncomfortable and shy about it, therefore making him mortified it it had come out in the open. Are you two close?

Original poster
hiddenrabbit · 12/01/2019 14:57

I haven't posted about this before, only found this this morning.

The comments were a mix of people commenting laughing faces and lots of different emojis such as sick faces and theres a comment saying "cmon bros" with an icicle emoji?? , some girls commenting fire emojis and also a few comments saying "you were so gone" "aha can you even remember this??" etc which suggests they were pretty drunk. His girlfriend has commented "I'm sweating" with a sweating emoji ?? No idea what that means!!

I guess i considered asking him just to be like what on earth is going on here... but don't want to embarrass him! It looks like more than a peck, can't tell about tongues really!

OP posts:
Waffles80 · 12/01/2019 15:00

The fact you’re using words like “normal” shows that you’re perhaps not ok with his sexuality if it isn’t what you see as “normal.” Hmm

Bowchicawowow · 12/01/2019 16:32

The girlfriend has joked about sweating because she knows it was done for larks and she has nothing to worry about.

HighwayDragon1 · 12/01/2019 16:35

Truth or dare, or some sort of drinking game that involves a forfeit.

I'd be less worried about who he is kissing and more worried about the amount of alcohol he seems to have consumed at 16!

Cheeeeislifenow · 12/01/2019 16:42

I have seen boys kiss on the lips, like a "you beauty" after a goal is scored moment. IFYSWIM.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions that e is gay, but presumably at 16, he knows you are not bothered about which gender he chooses to date. I wouldn't bring it up.

I hope my children would never have to "come out". Whenever joking about when they are married, I always make sure I mention Future wife/ husband.
There is no expectation to be straight/ gay/ bi etc

Cheeeeislifenow · 12/01/2019 16:45

Maybe just mind your own business. When my kids are 16 I will not be remotely interested in their live lives or who the kiss on a night out.

Really?I would hope they are in loving safe relationship's at age 16.

goldengummybear · 12/01/2019 17:20

I'm not so sure that this sort of thing never happened when we were younger. We didn't have camera phones so there's no evidence of it happening.

CurtainsOpen · 12/01/2019 17:44

If he's been tagged in it then he'll be aware from a notification. Wouldn't stick your beak in.

3WildOnes · 12/01/2019 17:49

At school and uni the rugby lads were always kissing on nights out. And my husband and his mates occasionally share a quick kiss on nights out. None of them are homosexual that I know of.

MrsTommyBanks · 12/01/2019 18:00

I think sexuality is much more fluid than it was when I was a teenager.
My DCs are all over 27 now, but certainly my youngest has had relationships with both male and female partners. Currently in a hetero long term relationship, which may last or not.

Frangipane · 12/01/2019 18:05

My ds kissed his best mate when drunk at a party. As a family (and his friends too) we just laughed and tease him about it from time to time. He says he is heterosexual, but he hasn't had a girlfriend yet, but the best mate has. I don't know, it wasn't a biggie for us, just something to giggle about. No photo though, I suppose having a photo passed around on social media might be awkward.

geekone · 12/01/2019 18:58

@Cheeeeislifenow really in a loving relationship at 16? Boys and girls at 16 should be out exploring the world and snogging (with consent) as many people as they want.

I think today sexuality is just fluid for a lot of people and uncomplicated, we are of the generation who confused sex and sexuality and relationships and due the the patriarchy made it a dirty thing for girls to want and a necessity for boys. We like to think we are “cool” and have no problems with gay but as a society we still don’t think of it as normal and we still in this country see a tonn of bi-erasure which means we can deal with our kids fluidity. It’s just not there for us to see in media enough yet. Still it’s not the 90s so we are on the right track.

GloatyMcGloatface · 12/01/2019 19:03

He is old enough to be a parent. Probs old enough to kiss who he wants as well.

brizzledrizzle · 12/01/2019 19:05

Does it matter? I'd be more concerned that they were friends with a decent bunch who have fun together without going off their heads on drugs/too much alcohol. I'd rather have a gay son than a drug dealer son. One isn't an issue, the other would be.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 12/01/2019 19:06

At my 16th birthday party, over 20 years ago, a drunken game of Spin the Bottle led to a few boys kissing each other. For some, it was an awkward peck or a hammed-up "mwah". For a couple of them it was a full-on snog. One of them experimented a bit with both sexes as a teen but is now happily married to a woman, the other only dated women for years and years and has very recently come out as gay. Basically, it could be something or nothing. Be open to him, but don't make an issue of it.

Writersblock2 · 12/01/2019 19:08

I’d butt out tbh. It’s his life. I was kissing everyone I could at 16 and it wasn’t my morher’s business.

Kenworthington · 12/01/2019 19:12

My ds2 is almost 16 and totally heterosexual and has had a girlfriend for 3 years, but yesterday weirdly I had a chat with him about being gay or not and he said he’s not gay but when he’s pissed he kisses his best mate (who’s also a chap). It made me laugh a bit to be honest. His older brothers gay and we’ve always known and ds2 knows we don’t care either way it was just one of those chats. Honestly though if you met ds2 he is so ‘typically straight’ . Anyway. Maybe your ds is my sons mate? He was at a party last night too Grin