To ask if you told friends about an abortion?

[unexpectedturns]

I’m in the middle of a medical abortion and currently feel quite emotionally numb. But I know it will hit after it’s all over. It’s been a hard decision to make and I’ve cried a lot but I know it was the right choice. Friends will ask if I’m ok when I see them as I’ve been quiet since this has occurred and I won’t be able to hide that I’m not. All my friends here are only 3 years old and all mummy friends as we moved to this town when I was having my first. The thought of admitting to it at the moment feels me with dread. What if they judge me? But then if I do t I’ll feel like I have a terrible secret hanging over me.

I know I made the right choice for me as I already have two kids and MH problems and couldn’t cope with another pregnancy or baby now. But I feel sad about it. And angry at myself and DH for allowing this to happen and causing this choice to be made.

Has anyone who’s had an abortion spoken openly about it? Or do you recommend just keeping it to myself?

Forgot to add I named changed for this.

I wouldn’t tell anyone because it’s not their business. If you’ve been quiet you can just say ‘I’ve been busy’ or ‘I’ve had a lot of personal stuff on.’ I would be worried about friends judging because, sadly, some people do judge. If you need to talk and are feeling angry at your DH maybe you need counselling from someone qualified rather than to speak to friends?

I’ve never had an abortion, but I do know people judge. If a friend told me they’d had an abortion I wouldn’t really know how to help them IYSWIM, although no judgment from me, so I think others may be similar in that respect.

I had a medical abortion 4 months ago. I chose to tell a couple of close friends and I’m so glad I did, they say a problem shared is a problem halved and I believe being able to openly discuss it with them really helped my mental health. But you just do what is best for you and your situation. Unfortunately some people are judgemental of abortions and do not understand the choice to have one, so be careful you are confiding in the right person.

Also, remember that 1 in 3 women will have an abortion in their life time. Think of your office, the mums on the school run, your neighbours... chances are many of them have made the same decision as you but you’d never know. You are not alone.

Sending you all my best wishes OP, take care of yourself

A close friend of mine told me she had one a few months ago and I was nothing but supportive. I think she felt comfortable telling me because we had previously discussed pro-choice v pro-life and I’d made my pro-choice stance very clear. It must be hard telling someone if you have no idea how they feel about abortions.

Honestly only tell who you feel absolutely comfortable with, you aren’t obliged to tell anyone.

I have even name changed on here to tell you that I didn’t tell a soul. My exH knew, and my now DP knows. I still haven’t told my best friends and never will. It’s years ago now so I don’t want to rake it up.

Hope you’re ok...if that’s what you wanted it’s the right decision for you and there’s no reason to share it with your friends if you don’t want to. Secrets are fine. Once you tell a friend, it’s out there and you no longer have that control of whether you want to discuss it. I’d second Billballbaggins recommendation of counselling, or the Samaritans, then you can talk about it in private to come to terms with it.

Thank you for your kind replies. I have a counselling session booked in for Tuesday as I was thinking of going anyway and when this happened I knew I would need it.

I’m equally angry at my husband and myself. I don’t lay any blame at his door, or rather I lay the blame equally. As, being adults with two children, there are no excuses for being lax about contraception. I almost welcome the physical pain as a punishment. That baby deserved better than me or this family as we wouldn’t have been able to give it all the time and love it deserved.

I almost feel that by not telling people it confirms that it is a dark and shameful thing to have done. Maybe that is how I feel about it. I always have and always will be pro choice. But now I have had to do it myself it feels like something dirty that needs to be covered up. I never felt like that before.

Sorry, rambling now.

It’s not shameful. It’s the right thing for you. It is however private and highly emotional. You ramble as much as you want to.

I was very open. It wasn't a decision we took lightly but I'm not ashamed of it and don't regret it. We used a condom and it spilt and I took the morning after pill ASAP and I still got pregnant. Hope you're okay xx

I told absolute no one and would never tell. My family and friends would absolutely have judged and thought differently of me and I just couldn't cope with that on top of the stress of the termination. That was a good 5 and a half years ago. I'm married now with a 7 month daughter that we planned and I'm very glad no one knows about the past.

Totally up to you OP but once you've told them you can't ever undo that. Thinking of you ❤️