To feel so uncomfortable being publicly pregnant?

[UngratefulMama]

Pregnant with a very much planned and wanted first baby. I feel terrible because I battled infertility for years and I feel like I should be so insanely happy but I just feel so uncomfortable now that it's out there and I can't hide it.

When I talk to DH I'm happy and excited, but anybody else I literally clam up and feel so stupid. When people say congratulations I just thank them and it's fine but then it goes on and on with "oh you must be SO excited?" And "how does it feel?" And I just want to talk about anything else. I can't wrap my head around it as I thought I'd enjoy being pregnant.

Even saw my mum yesterday for the first time since I look visibly pregnant and she opened the door like "Hello pregnant one!" And I just cringed. I don't know why I'm being like this? I feel like I'm coming off as rude but I just can't help it. I'm very much the type of person who hates the attention being on me and I feel like pregnancy is just that constantly for however many months.

Did anyone feel like this? How can I stop feeling like this? It's a blessing and I want to be happy not want to die every time someone asks me about it.

My colleagues stare at my bump and tell me how huge it's getting every. single. week.

People just like having something to say, don't they?

I get this. They are being nice. But sometimes it is nice to talk about something else and not be told how fat you are every 10 minutes! You are not alone!

Normal to feel like this! I hated the attention especially from strangers. I think it's so surreal the first time, your body's changing and everyone seems to want to talk about it.

Bumps excite people, I guess because they symbolise new life and the start of an amazing journey. I felt more comfortable in the company of other pregnant women when I was expecting.

I hate the attention too. And don’t even get me started on people fucking touching me!

Yes to the bump touching!

My SIL does this and always leaves her hand there longer than I am comfortable with and I find myself just wanting to walk away to get away from hot sweaty hands on my tummy!

I hated the attention, I embarrass really easy (not that people think so, because I also come out with so much stuff others wouldn't) and it was the same when I had broken my foot and my whole lower leg was in plaster, I wore those huge Criminal Damage skater jeans which hid the whole leg, but nothing hides a bump.

The only time I had someone try to touch my bump the first time round, was my nan but I knew how much it would mean to her, my dd was kicking hard/rolling over. Still hated being touched.

I was in very similar situation! Much wanted baby after years of trying and I loathed the attention! I liked being pregnant but really didn’t want to talk about it the whole time. I actually put off telling as many people as possible until I could t hide it.

For me, I was just used to being a private person and then all of a sudden I felt a bit like public property.

Generally people were just being nice so I came up with a few short, stock ‘yes, wonderful, I’m delighted etc’ phrases and then rapidly changed the subject.

I didn't really like it either but thankfully nobody touched my bump. I could understand it though because people just want to show an interest. They don't know that they're the twentieth person that day to ask you about being pregnant.

Just change the subject.

I feel the same! Four years of trying and I'm now expecting my first baby. We've recently 'announced' our pregnancy.

I received emails from colleagues who literally wouldn't say hi if we bumped into each other in the street, who are wishing my all the best and saying how excited I must feel.

Family and friends seem to have really ramped up contact.

My husband keeps telling me that it's because everyone is excited for us, but I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed by all of the additional attention.

I have started to worry about what it will be like when the baby actually arrives.

How far along are you OP? I felt a bit like this at the beginning of my pregnancy (33 wks now). I felt like it was really private and I didn't want anyone else to be involved. We only told my mum and sister before our first scan, and a few close family members after the scan. But we didn't tell anyone else until after I'd had my second scan (21 wks?). Even now we haven't announced it anywhere, we just tell people when we see them. Im quite a private person, and not very emotional, so the thought of something going wrong and LOADS of people knowing about it just didn't sit right with me. I would maybe talk to your midwife about it though if you're worried!

I experienced the Mumsnet fable of randoms grabbing my bump... I was too shocked to say anything!

It took us six years to have dd and I hated pregnancy and found the first year really tough, made tougher by this general expectation from everyone that I should be permently ecstatic. Just because I really wanted it didn’t make a difference to my physical symptoms, hormones or general adjustment to motherhood. It was very lonely wondering if I was just shite at the whole thing and had made a massive mistake.

What I did learn is you have to get out of the mindset that you should be extra grateful because you’ve experienced fertility issues. You’re allowed to find aspects tough and sometimes just plainly hate things. You are not alone in finding the attention uncomfortable - it’s perfectly normal and you’re within your rights to shy away from it and steer conversation away if you want.

You’ve had your own journey to where you are, and for want of a better word, you can now rejoin the ‘normal’ crowd. Don’t force yourself to act in certain ways because you think you should.

Completely understand OP, currently 30 weeks and got through Christmas by grinning and bearing it! Pet hate is people who greet me as 'you two' or by squealing when they see me and babbling about babies to themselves. I'm over the moon at my very much planned and longed for pregnancy, but as I'm intensely private I hate the attention and have a grumpy knee jerk reaction to it. Haven't posted anything on social media, only told close family and and friends and am currently in negotiations with DH about how much we post once baby is here!

I'm 20 weeks and still pretending I've overindulged! I just don't want the fuss.

It bored me to death, especially as I was working on a book project I wanted to finish before going on mat leave, and which was taking up far more of my headspace. I tended to snarl ‘Can we talk about something else?’

YANBU, I hated the attention that came with being pregnant and having a newborn.

Suddenly it's acceptable for people to comment on your weight and size and loose all concept of boundaries and personal space. Bump touching, unwanted "advice", I'm still shocked at how many strangers have tried to touch my babies.

Relatives and friends that you'd hardly see suddenly want to see you all the time and continue that after you've had the baby.

I had a horrible birth, severe internal tearing (lifelong damage caused), haemorrhage, didn't get to spend the first couple of hours anywhere near my baby. I was in absolute shock and relatives were saying I was being unreasonable because I wanted a couple of days to get my head around everything. And were genuinely perplexed as to why it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows when they saw us.

YANBU.
Thanks for posting, makes me feel normal! Very very much planned & wanted pregnancy but nobody (apart from DP) seems able to engage in conversation with me any more that isn't baby related, and I hate being the centre of attention.
I've never been particularly maternal or coo over babies (unless it's a fur baby or I'm related to them) but we do want a family. Just wish people would realise I haven't had a personality transplant.

Oh I get it. I hated the "how are you and Bump" I'm such a self conscious and private person. I didn't like people commenting on my changing body. Made me feel a bit ick to have those comments. Good to see I'm not alone.
You get through it, I've done it three times, it's worth it, I promise!

*I have started to worry about what it will be like when the baby actually arrives.

The good news is that nobody will give a shit about you anymore. Only by proxy.

First of all I just want to say that no one ever touched either of my bumps without invitation - didn't know this was a thing!

I get where you are coming from OP I wasn't keen on being visibly pregnant although I had small bumps so they were easy to hide until 7/8 months or so which limited the issue somewhat.

I get it. Now you are center of attention, people comment your appearance and it's making you vulnerable. I think the fertility problems play a role. Maybe you felt a bit sad seeing pregnant people and don't want others to feel that way?

I showed early and had a huge bump. What got to me was strangers' insistence that they knew more about what was happening to my body than me, that I was 3 months wrong on my dates and quite clearly due to drop at 6 months, that multiple scans had failed to tell me that there were twins or arguements about my "bad leg" from my waddle. 3 months of "don't go into labour on me" comments was a bit tedious. (I had a slow build up of labour and was mildly disappointed that when having a pub lunch after being sent back from labour ward for further waiting out, that no one actually said anything for the first time in months... maybe the pained grimmace every few minutes put them off... )
Most people were well meaning, and with hindsight, other peoples' bumps and babies can stir up quite deep feelings and memories (I tend to just smile rather than say anything).

I only had one random bump toucher which was unpleasant. I'm naturally highly ticklish anyway, and stretching from a 26" waist to a 43" waist in months took its toll on my skin. It was so thin and sensitive. I wore bump bands as clothes moving over it were bad enough. A friend asking when there are clearly movements was much easier as I was prepared for the sensation.

After baby arrives, it tends to be more focused on baby and fades as they get older although some random "small talk" can be quite personal... labour/ birth, feeding.