I don't think I am but I can't say anything without seeming so.

[Buntybearbess]

I'm currently a matureish student (24) and living with five other 20 year olds. Generally everything is fine and we rub along well together, however I seem to be getting more and more annoyed with my 'best friend'.

I have posted about her before because she is a CF at times. And I'm struggling with that and dealing with her immaturity and moods. She's messy but doesn't see her mess as an issue and throws a strop about how messy everyone else is. She regularly wants to 'share' things which means she isn't going to pay for it but she's going to use your things or she'll suggest cooking 'together' where she provides a couple of droopy carrots, an onion or a couple of potatoes and expect me to say well since you've put in the veg I'm happy to use the roasting joint I have and then has a problem when I won't.

I'm a meal planner/prepper on a very low income so when I go shopping I order exactly what I need to make what I'm cooking and freezing to last the month because it works out cheaper overall, I've found that just keeping things in the fridge means that she helps herself to what is on my shelf unless it's been prepped/portioned or otherwise in some sort of use so now everything is being chopped and prepped and frozen so it's not touched.

I don't mind the odd thing like if she needs an onion or a carrot or some herbs and spices (other than garlic because she uses 90% of it and refuses to replace it) or an egg or whatever as a one off but I cannot afford to feed her like that.

I have just signed on to live with her BUT that is because she has so many good qualities as well. She's childish and immature but she can also be so thoughtful and kind, she's just young and a product of parents who babied her in lots of ways for too long, so she is used to someone letting her do what she wants and cleaning up after her. But I've been ill and she keeps checking on me because I'm stuck in my room revising and yesterday because apparently I sounded so awfully ill she brought me some lemsip, tissues and some toast because she knew I'd not eaten. I love being her friend but there are problems and I'm sure there are things about me that irritate her but I'd like to be able to politely and nicely pull her on her CF and sharing without losing a friend or upsetting her too much as she is very sensitive and criticisms get an exaggerated reaction.

Stop tip-toeing around her "reactions." Tell her plainly to stop eating your food because you can't afford it. If she take offense to that she is no friend of yours.

Tell her you’re in a really tight budget for food and are being really careful, so can’t afford to share anything for the moment.

Yeah I agree you should just tell her. It shouldnt be an issue. If you both chip in surely it beenfits both of you anyway

Honestly, I learned as a student that I could have very lovely friends who I couldn't live with.

A chat is unlikely to change who she is. You have very different attitudes, and it's a shame you've agreed to keep living with her, because I think your going to have to put up with it to a certain extent.

I agree with the other posters - Plainly speak to her about it, while having examples in your head.
If she throws a strop, then calmly explain to her she is your friend, but she is also an adult and you speaking to her should be seen as a positive thing, because frankly if you didn't care then you'd just move out and cut contact with her.

If she refuses to see your side, then unfortunately you can't live together. I've had plenty friends I adore, but I'd rather replace my carpet with lego bits than live with them.

Lock box on your fridge shelf for a start.

I love my best friend but I could never live with him. We had stints of staying together for long periods in our younger years and we wound up wanting to kill one another . You can get along with someone but not be able to live with them and it sounds as though that’s the case here.

You hate her mess, she refuses to do anything about it. You hate her stealing your food, she keeps doing it. She’s a CF which you admit and it probably won’t change.

Bliemy-I lived in lots of house shares and no one pinched anyone else’s food! That is so rude.

Hide the garlic in a pot in your room-that would really piss me off!

I don’t know what to suggest about everything else apart from just telling her not to ateak your food and being really cross with her afterwards. What sort of things are you both eating?

Talk to her. Next issue please !

She's a lovely friend except for taking your food and being very messy, while seeing no problem with either of those when others complain. Well that says to me that she's a lovely friend so long as you don't live with her. If you continue to live together you will hate her before long.

Thank you all for your suggestions I've a couple of things to work with. I'll invest in a lock box, but I think at first I'll talk to her about not taking my things because I've worked things out exactly and can't afford to spare it. I'll also be talking to her about her mess and using every piece of crockery and cutlery and the importance of noticing and dealing with her own mess before complaining about anyone else's because if nothing else it'll piss everyone else off.

It's usually not too bad because there's more people in the house and more uni stuff going on because we're not on top of each other and out of the house. We've already lived together for a year and a half so we can live together, just maybe things are starting to slide and become complacent with how she treats me, if that makes sense.