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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu and a bit tight?

49 replies

Coralnails · 11/01/2019 16:15

Ds 10yo seen some Fortnite bedding in the supermarket while we were just nipping in for some milk.

Now, he's already got 4 nearly new and perfectly nice bedding sets, and I don't seem to be able to get round a shop without one of the dc begging for something they've seen that they absolutely neeeeeed right now.

While we're not exactly living hand to mouth, I am trying to cut back on unnecessary spending due to other priorities. So I said no not today. He kept on, I said he could buy it with his Christmas money if he wanted it that badly. So he did.

Just feel a bit tight letting him buy bedding with his own money.

Not sure if relevant but he is also banned from his Xbox tonight because of the mess I found in his room, repeatedly taking biscuits and toast and leaving a right mess despite being told no food upstairs.

OP posts:
CantWaitToRetire · 11/01/2019 17:09

Is your son playing Fortnight on his Xbox OP? I thought it was recommended for children over the age of 12 because of the frequent violence it contains.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 11/01/2019 17:13

Yanbu my dc wanted to go to Wagamamas over the Christmas period. Having already taken them out for 3 different meals over Xmas I told them they could pay for it out of their Christmas money. Ds 14 looked outraged but paid up then exclaimed he hadn't realised food was so expensive!

I felt guilty but I'm a single mom and just can't afford to keep on spending.

greenpop21 · 11/01/2019 17:15

Normal parenting imo.

Original poster
Coralnails · 11/01/2019 17:18

Cantwaittoretire yes, he's just started to play at Christmas.

I believe it is a 12 so not everyone will agree. However his Xbox is downstairs and having watched him play, dh has even had a go with him, I have no problem with the game in that respect.

The biggest problem with Fortnite, imo is that can be very addictive, so it's about having time limits, ours isn't allowed during Mom-Thurs.

OP posts:
PlainVanilla · 11/01/2019 17:19

10 year olds don't "need" lots of sets of bedding and especially don't "need" to be buying them, themselves. Until your are at least 18 or living in your own place, you make do with what your parents provide.
Old fashioned opinion, but really, at age 10 I was not at all interested in bedding, nor was it important to me.

Jaxhog · 11/01/2019 17:26

Perfectly reasonable. He's learned a valuable lesson in money management.

CheshireChat · 11/01/2019 17:30

PlainVanilla but why? Whilst it didn't matter to you as a child, some (like my 4! year old) get excited about it.

ShouldReadMore · 11/01/2019 17:35

some of ds1s have been gifts You had me up until this. Who gives a child bedding as a gift Hmm.

Are some of his 4 sets of bedding babyish? I do remember when mine got to 10/11 and were still in teddy bear / dinosaur bedding that I bit the bullet and bought some plain bright coloured stuff.

Miane · 11/01/2019 17:37

Until your are at least 18 or living in your own place, you make do with what your parents provide.

Why? Plain Confused. The child had the money and was happy to spend it on something a little bit special (to them). Why shouldn’t they contribute to making their room look the way they want?

My DD has bought framed pictures, a throw blanket, a mirror etc for her room. It was her money to spend as she chose and she was very proud of how the room looked afterwards.

I think it’s actually a pretty sensible thing to spend money on.

You aren’t seriously planning to dictate or restrict what your child has in their room until they leave home are you? Because that’s not “old fashioned” it just seems rather controlling.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 11/01/2019 17:38

My children have far to many beddings sets. I probably have about 20 sets for there beds. Which is ridiculous but some are old character ones that they had when a bit younger then I decorated there rooms so got some more plainer/grown up ones.

Then I bought some mermaid/unicorn ones as I liked them and my daughters room is just about to be be re done again and Iv bought another set. None of it needed but it’s nice to have it matching and she also likes it matching and doesn’t want the babyish bedding on anymore.

I would of done the same as you op. If she would of asked for another set that was not needed I would of told her to use her Xmas money.

Rubusfruticosus · 11/01/2019 17:42

YANBU. I wouldn't have bought it, and would have discouraged him buying it with his own money. DS only has two and doesn't need more than that.

Original poster
Coralnails · 11/01/2019 17:43

No, they're not babyish whatsoever.

The two that were gifts were football team ones, ds was really pleased with them, it's not as though that was all he had though. I think they were given by pil amongst other things.

Other two are just a pack of two blue and grey star ones from Next.

Think he just took a liking to this one being Fortnite.

OP posts:
BlueUggs · 11/01/2019 17:49

I provide my son £5 a week pocket money. He soon doesn't want anything when I suggest he needs to pay for it!
It also stops the strop because instead of a "no, you can't have it", I ask the question "how much money do you have on your bank card? If you've got enough, of course you can buy it for yourself!".
We use a go Henry card and it's worked wonders for us.

WorraLiberty · 11/01/2019 17:52

some of ds1s have been gifts You had me up until this. Who gives a child bedding as a gift Hmm

Huh? Confused

Lots of kids ask for football team bedding/cartoons/popstars etc

I know my nephews used to. They didn't need it, they just wanted it so it went on their Xmas lists.

Original poster
Coralnails · 11/01/2019 17:53

Blueuggs do you expect him to do any jobs or anything for the pocket money? Or is it just given?

OP posts:
Miane · 11/01/2019 17:57

I know my nephews used to. They didn't need it, they just wanted it so it went on their Xmas lists.

I’m with you Worra seems normal to me. I’m pretty sure the posters saying their children don’t need them bought their children “unnecessary” toys/clothes/games at Christmas. I’m not sure why bedding is really any different.

He wanted it. He paid for it himself. It made him happy .

Why so puritanical about bedding?

Original poster
Coralnails · 11/01/2019 18:04

Miane it's quite funny how threads evolve and you often end up explaining yourself.

I'm trying to find a balance of still having a bit of what you want but without wasting money on a whim, which is so easy to do.

I don't find house stuff too wasteful because it gets used, as opposed to plastic tat ending up broken or in the bin.

OP posts:
Kolo · 11/01/2019 18:10

I need this bedding, but can’t find it on the website. Can I be a cf and ask for a link? Only found a cusion.

Also, not unreasonable, it’s a perfectly good thing to spend pocket money on. And I’ve given my own children duvet sets for presents before. They’re relatively cheap, they’re useful, well used and they like them. I’ve bought ones that match their interests, like they had a Pokemon one last year.

Miane · 11/01/2019 18:13

Sorry Coral my post wasn’t directed at you, rather to those posters who said they wouldn’t have allowed their children to spend their money on it.

I think you were quite correct. I find my D.C. are much more thoughtful about what they spend their own money on.

I was shopping with DD recently and she was swithering about a jumper. I said, “would you buy it if it was your money?” Which really helped focus her mind. Grin

It’s a good way to teach them
How to think about what they buy.

OP posts:
Muddlingalongalone · 11/01/2019 18:22

If it makes you feel better OP - dd2 who's 3 insisted on spending her Christmas money on a toothbrush. I hadn't said no she just wanted to.
I try to get mine to put half of their Christmas money into savings if they get over £40 but after that. It's theirs - if they want to be "frivolous" I let them.

Kolo · 11/01/2019 18:27

@coralnails, thank you. That’s very kind. I might need to grab a couple of those for my boys!

BlueCornishPixie · 11/01/2019 18:37

I think this is fine. It's what Christmas money is for.

He doesn't need bedding, it's not a necessity because he already has decent bedding but it's a nice thing that he wants. Therefore spending his money on it is perfectly reasonable.

I think it's a good way to teach children the value of things. If he has to spend his own money he knows he can have things he wants but at the same time won't be able to have everything so it can cut down on the pestering and allows DC some control.

Same with clothes. Some are necessities like coats, jeans, underwear. But some clothes are just niceties, so I would be fine with DC spending their own money on clothes if it wasn't a necessity item just something they wanted.

BlueUggs · 11/01/2019 23:29

@Coralnails - he puts his clean clothes away, he helps empty and fill the dishwasher, he keeps his bedroom tidy. He's almost 8.

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