Just get over it already

[bridgetjones83]

tricky one here as i need to be very sensitive.

My friend had a very difficult break up. Very sudden and unexpected with a very small baby. over 3 years ago.

father of the baby is an absolute ass hat and i cant stand him and he is making life hell for my friend. He regularly sees the child but is constantly wanting more leaving my friend in a permanent state of anxiety. he has moved on and is in a new relationship and seems to have gone up in the world and seems to be winning the divorce (if you can call it that)
i think my friend is very generous in giving the contact she does as most men dont get what he does after a court visit but court is on the cards. she has to tell him where she goes on holiday, when and what flight and hotels (controlling)

my friends ex is expecting another baby and my friend is concerned about many things. currently the big one is her child ending up at the same school and having to see him play happy family's but she also thinks he will be able to fight for 50/50 now child will have a new sibling.
ex now lives near the best school in the area so it will be looked upon that his house is best so she can get in at the best school.

She claims she will never get over things and be able to get to a co parenting stage but i think she is making it harder on herself and she needs to try to forgive him for her own sanity even though he is a massive bellend.

please advise.

I advise you never to tell your friend to 'get over it, already' if you want to keep her as a friend.

It is incredibly stressful to go to court and to co-parent when there is animosity and unreasonable behaviour. You are a shit friend if you can't support her through that.

When it goes to court and she gets a court order she needs to be named as the resident parent to avoid him having control over her holidays.

The court won't rule based on schools and who lives near a good one.

What is the current contact arrangement? What is unlikely to happen is that contact already in place will be decreased.

Whether the court rules for 50:50 will only be based on whether it's in the child's best interests.

How old is the child now and how old was it when they separated?

oh believe me i have and continue to support her and i would never say that to her either.

i guess im beating around the bush. child was 3 months when they split now 3 years old.

trying not to out myself here.

She's your friend. She's hurting. She's stressed. Just support her. She's living this every minute of every day.

If she has been the main carer since the child was tiny I don't see why the court would now rule for 50:50 but it depends what the current arrangement is.

If your friend is suffering badly with anxiety it might be worth her seeing her GP.