Shared care

[tinkerballsdid]

Had an argument with XP about him not paying maintenance for DCs 9 and 7 and him claiming poverty but still having expensive holidays without the children etc. He sees them once a week, they stay over every Friday and sometimes Saturday. He is threatening to apply for shared care now because I've had a rant at him not buying them any Christmas presents but going on holiday and proposing to girlfriend. He's saying he's spoke to solicitors and they've said he legally can have shared care Friday - Monday every week, is this right? I would have no quality time with them if so as after school there's not much time to take them places after homework/tea/baths.

Just because he can apply does not mean he will get it.

No. It’s not right. He’s just heard what he wanted to hear. There is no such thing as ‘legal shared care’. He can apply to court for additional time with his children or even for full residence but it doesn’t mean he will get it. In fact, if he wants to make an application, one of the first things a solicitor would tell him is to start supporting the children financially and to start including his children in activities he does like holidays so the courts can see his existing commitment to their health and well-being.

Shared care would usually ensure that both parents have a fair share of the children’s downtime which is half the holidays and every other weekend. Obviously working patterns might change that but no court would give your ex every weekend if there was no good reason not to. Often, these things are used as a stick to beat you with and it won’t go near court because that would mean taking responsibility - and it would eat into his couple time with his girlfriend.

Try not to worry.

Eow and a night midweek seems to be popular. Would he be up for school runs, washing uniforms, doing homework, maybe send him a potential schedule and watch him back track Hope the cms are dealing with him.

I’m confused, is it about the money or children?

EOW is the default setting. Unless you have a very strong argument ( and even then you may not be listened to) he will most likely get at least this regardless of whether he pays towards their care or not.
If you do end up in court and mention he shouldn’t be allowed more time with the children because he doesn’t pay maintence you will not be treated kindly.

He can try but unlikely to get as they do consider 'quality' time with both parents.

We have stepson age 9 every Friday to Monday - but I appreciate our arrangement is very rare.

He can try, they will listen but the judge will lose all sympathy/interest when you evidence that il is only reason for asking is to stop paying maintenance rather than a genuine desire to spend more time with his children and belief doing so would benefit them.

Thanks for your replies! Nodrama it's about the children mainly although the money side of it is starting to wind me up especially as they had no Christmas presents from him. He only started paying maintenance last year and for only about 6 months so I'm not that bothered about it because we did fine beforehand without it

My friend's ex took her to court in a strop over maintenance and demanded Friday - Monday every weekend. He said that was fair because he can't pick up the kid in the week because of work (he also mysteriously can't pay maintenance for the same reason.....) The judge agreed with my friend that that wasn't fair, and went with my friend's proposal of EOW on the grounds that the child needed quality time with both parents. My friend self represented by the way, and the ex had a shiny expensive solicitor.

I think you have to be realistic that the judge will award a reasonable amount of contact unless there are demonstrable, evidence based contraindications, and you're better off making a reasonable counter proposal to your ex's unreasonable one. If he makes a court application I would also ask your kids what they think. I wouldn't ask them now as it might all be just guff and hot air!

Have you gone to CMS re the maintenance?

As far as I understand it, shared care doesn't mean 50:50. Shared care just means no one is classed as RP and NRP. So we have shared care but I still have 9 nights out of 14 and receive maintenance.

But as others have said, he can apply for every weekend but unlikely to get it.

Eow and a night in the week is popular - we have that And it adds up to exh having 5 nights in a fortnight (the weekend is Friday to Monday)

Even if your ex had the children 182.5 nights a year, they take into account salary. If he earns a higher wage than you (there is a value) then you will still be entitled to 15% for the days the children are with you.