Long time single

[SerialChangerOfName]

AIBU to get pissed off with constantly being asked whether I'm going to start dating, whether I'm going online, whether I've got anyone else yet?

I've been divorced for five years. Two children together so I still have contact with him and tbh, he was such a shit, is still such a shit, that I have no desire to go back there! I'm still recovering from a crap 20 year marriage.

There maybe other factors holding me back; lack of confidence, poor self image, free time due to caring full time for my elderly father, but even so, I'm not sure I'd want to get involved again.

I'm happy being single. I don't need a man to put out the rubbish, unblock the u bend, change a flat tyre, take me to the cinema, keep me company...!

But I'm so sick of having to explain myself, refusing to explain myself, and being made to feel like a lemon!

Why can't people accept that?

You are not being unreasonable! :)

YANBU-People must be very insecure if they feel they you have to have the same needs/priorities as them. You might might try telling them that. It probably won't change their annoying behaviour but you might feel a bit better for it.

You're not being unreasonable.

I've been separated for only 6 months and there is a lot of "you should get yourself on tinder" "have you met anyone yet" "get yourself out dating". I just dont want to.... not because I want my ex back, but just simply I'm happy doing my own thing.
Try not to let them wear you down. Be proud that you're independent enough not to be one of these people who have to be in a relationship to feel their worth.

YANBU
Long time singleton since splitting with DDs dadbroken by a disastrous relationship a couple of years ago that damn near broke me.

My answer to all the 'well meaning' intrusive and rude questions and comments is
"I see no reason to put myself in that position again"
With the response
"Oh but there's someone out there for you!"
"Well he can stay there, I don't need a relationship to define me, thanks"

And if they persist

"I feel sorry for people who feel they're not complete unless they have a relationship, why is that?"

They soon shut up.

How old are you. I was single for 5 years before I met my OH (online dating). I wasnt desperate to be in a relationship, enjoyed my life but ultimately wished to share the rest of my life with a partner. I made friends with a number of single mums at that time who were also long term single and a few had no interest in dating and were happy to remain single.

10 years later though, our kids have grown up and they are starting to struggle with the concept of bing single in their 50s and beyond with their children moving on. One in particular has fallen into deep depression now that her only child is at uni as suffering from loneliness despite many friends (all in relationships).

I don't think there is a ything wrong with being single at all but the experience of being so in 20s-30s is different to when you get into your late 40s-50s. Of course you can meet someone at any age but my experience is that is gets harder, especially as the list of requirements expands.

Some great responses! I'll try them out the next time someone asks and I'm not feeling quite as passive as I usually am!

I'm 44. DD20 3rd year uni but close by. She comes and goes, and is here prob 50% of the time. DS11. DF86 so the boys are keeping me busy.

I can see that I might feel differently in five years' time.

Some people don't believe you, they can't imagine themselves being single, so they cannot comprehend that you are different.

Some people worry for you: even a hospital doesn't release you from some procedures if you don't have another adult living with you, they keep you for longer.

You will meet the opposite judgement against couples from some single people. You don't have to justify yourself, tell them to mind their own business or stay vague.