To ask how to improve social skills when you have none. Please -really need help.

[TheBigCat]

You're too quiet, you're too shy, she doesnt say anything, I wouldn't employ her - shes too quiet, why dont you speak? - its so irritating, do we have a mouse in the room? hello miss mute, oh it speaks! you'll never get anywhere in life because you're too quiet, How are you going to find someone- you're too shy?

Ive had to listen to comments like this ALL my life. I have anxiety in every social situation so basically any human interaction from talking to the cashier in Tesco to going to an interview.

I have developed this from a very young around 4 years old. It wasnt picked up as an anxiety just an irritating personality trait which Ive been villified for Because its been lifelong from childhood I have never had a chance to fully develop my social skills. I literally dont know what to say. I just freeze. Im second guessing if it's ok to do/ say x/y/z.

im fed up. I want to change and I need help. can you suggest ways in which I can improve my social skills. What do you think would help.

I can recommend a You tube Channel called "Charisma on Command" presented by a charming young american man. Great advice on there and entertaining too with some interesting examples.

There's a good one for your situation called "How To Handle Small Talk As An Introvert" have a look at stars in interviews being introverted but trying their best to get on with it anyway.

I am very fond of one called "Stand up for yourself without being a jerk" he shows video of Robert Downey Jr being assertive but polite in an interview. This isn't so much about being shy I know... but there's something about it I found helpful. You imagine actors being confident all the time but this shows him getting visibly upset but taking control of an awkward exchange.

Hi Big Cat

Fellow shy girl here.

Why don't you observe some of the most chatty sociable people in the business/ in your life and think about things you would be comfortable emulating them.

A great way to appear sociable but not be chatty is simply get good at asking questions.

Also, the more practice you get, the less anxious you will feel about facing conversations.

Have a little routine of questions for new people prepared so even though your anxious you know what to say... Hi how are you? i'm good thank you. how was the journey? much traffic? hows business? are you busy at the moment? where exactly is your office based?

Counselling and/or CBT
Read some self help books like "feel the fear and do it anyway" and a good CBT workbook (you can get worksheets online but the books are more cohesive)
Medication if you need it

I had some body language sessions which were really helpful at one point, and also think that getting involved in theatre and/ or singing is helpful as most people who are "confident" are just putting on a better performance!
Try putting on a "persona" I find sometimes it helps to dress differently, wear more makeup and bigger hair, heals even small ones if you don't usually wear- anything that makes you more noticeable or take up more physical space helps, too, with confidence and being noticed (especially if you're faking it!)

Just release your inner Dolly Parton I think I'm saying, lol

I'm a bit socially anxious too. Most people would never guess. There's a website that I found quite helpful when I was at university and struggling to make friends. It's written by an American guy who used to have this problem: www.succeedsocially.com

As a teenager I had crippling social anxiety and terrible social skills. I'm now fairly old and the complete opposite. I have absolutely no worries about going to a party where I know noone, am very socially confident and have lots of friends. It has been a long old slog but it can be done. I read a lot of books about how to have a conversation, body language and social skills. And I practiced a lot. Being good at getting on with people and knowing how to have a conversation are just skills that can be learned. They are not inherent personality traits.

Good luck on your journey. You might not be where you want to be yet, but with time and effort you can be.

www.conversationstarters.com/tips.htm

This has a few tips.