To let this little thing get to me?

[Noodledoodlesandspud]

I've recently separated from my husband so things are still a bit raw and emotional so I'm looking for others opinions.

I've posted before about h an what led to us separating but a quick over view is he had a traumatic childhood which has left him with lots of issues, he lies, he's crap with money and he isn't very thoughtful/can't seem to see things from other points of view.

So we've been separated several months and h took this as a sign to see a counsellor about his issues (something I repeatedly begged him to do when we were together). We also agreed to see a couples counsellor with a possible view of making things work. The last week or so things have been lovely and we've actually done a couple of family things and h suggested watching a film together. I felt quietly confident that maybe things could be OK if we took it slowly and he didn't move back in straight away but maybe we could try going on a 'date'.

Yesterday I worked a night shift and h had the dc at my house as he's living in a friend's spare room. I'd left the living room in a bit of a muddle as I'm having a massive clear out and things are piled everywhere. I told him what I was going doing and then left for work. This morning after being awake for nearly 30hours in total I got home ready to just crawl into bed. H was just about to take dc to school and left as I came in. I walked into the kitchen (which I'd just organised the other day) and it looked like he'd used every pan in the house to cook dcs tea. There was stuff splatters over the cooker and up the wall. Crumbs on the floor, and all the washing up piled on the side. I was so tired I just burst into tears. Once I'd calmed down I rang him to ask what the hell he was playing at and he started saying that he would have tided up but I was living in a shit hole anyway so why bother (I've sorted and cleaned the rest of the house, the living room was the last bit to do). He then started listing all the things he's done to help me since he moved out and saying he didn't have to etc. We left it on a really bad note and haven't said a word to each other since.
WIBU to be upset by his attitude or have I blow things out of preportion because I'm tired?

That's so rude and disrespectful! And this is what he does when he's seeking help and trying to get you back, jeez...

This would've been the perfect opportunity for him to actually help you and prove he's changed. He clearly hasn't!

It's not a little thing.

Yanbu.

Breakfast dishes left in the sink wouldn't have been the end of the world but not carnage from the night before when he would have had plenty of time to clear up after himself.

Bollocks was he intending to come back and clear up after the school run but, even if that were true, you'd just done a night shift and, presumably, wanted to be in your bed asleep, not listening to him crashing around in the kitchen.

Don't take him back. You've done the hard part already - if you let him come back, you'll only be faced with doing it all again in a year, two, five...

I tried to talk to him today and he just said I was vile and he didn't have to explain himself to me.

OP, I'm sorry but he doesn't want to reconcile. If he did he'd be doing everything he could to help you. And he's not.

He does but won’t, as he’s no longer going to be you problem I’d just say it was a lesson well learnt.
He’s not changed in the slightest and doesn’t intend to.
He’s saved you a bunch of time and money by being a prick, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.

You’re well rid OP!

He’s shown his true colours. You know now that getting back together wouldn’t be the best idea.

Yes, what previous posters are saying is right... this is a very tough time for you right now, but in the end it's actually better that he's shown you what a knob he is and how badly he plans to treat you NOW, so that you don't waste any more of your time on him.

He has zero respect for you. You are dodging a bullet by getting rid of this tosser.