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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He won’t move - what can I do?

25 replies

notnearlythereyet · 10/01/2019 21:00

My exDP got drunk on the NYE and got shouty and aggressive. He scared my DS17 who now does not want to be anywhere near him.

We broke up but exDP will not move or tell me how he want to resolve things- we have a shared mortgage. I am reluctant to move as the area where we live and where DS goes to school is expensive to rent. My family lives up north and I have no one close I could live with temporarily. I am at my wits end trying to protect my DS but do not want to get into debt over this.

What do I do?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 10/01/2019 21:01

Get a solicitor as soon as possible.

Original poster

notnearlythereyet · 10/01/2019 21:04

Thank you aquamarine. Won’t it cost thousands? I am not sure if I can afford it.

OP posts:

Walkingdeadfangirl · 10/01/2019 21:05

Sell up, if you can afford to, buy him out. Otherwise buy/rent somewhere else. He doesn't have to move out, its his house as well.

holdinon · 10/01/2019 21:18

Is exDP the father of your DS?

Original poster

notnearlythereyet · 10/01/2019 21:19

No he is not holdinon

OP posts:

holdinon · 10/01/2019 21:20

Is your DS's father on the scene to maybe help out?

Original poster

notnearlythereyet · 10/01/2019 21:20

He won’t sell up and will not get the ball rolling on buying me out, refuses to do anything at all.

OP posts:

Cuthbert1 · 10/01/2019 21:21

I agree you need some legal advice to know where you stand. Most law firms will give you half an hour for free - they ought to be able to give you a clear idea of costs before you commit to paying anything. Find a firm locally that does family law and just email or call one of the partners (details should be on the interweb) asking if they would be willing to have an initial chat.

Original poster

notnearlythereyet · 10/01/2019 21:21

He is staying at his dad’s for now but it is not ideal. I want my son with me.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 10/01/2019 21:23

You can take it to court to force sake of the property. Hobo to the legal board here and ask for how to go about it or google?

It may be just filling in specific paperwork?

Are you joint tenants or tenants in common?

If he starts being abusive you could go down the occupation order route

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 10/01/2019 21:24

It's been a while since we've had the free half hour line

Original poster

notnearlythereyet · 10/01/2019 21:41

Does it not take six months to force the sale?

I looked at occupation order but I do not want to antagonise him. I may seek legal help though - any ideas how much I would be charged?

Thank you for all responses.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 10/01/2019 21:44

Apart from these legal routes how else are you going to achieve this?

Original poster

notnearlythereyet · 10/01/2019 21:46

I am not sure RandomMess - mediation? Letters asking to do specific things to lead up to sale?

OP posts:

Original poster

notnearlythereyet · 10/01/2019 21:47

I mean solicitors letters and legal mediation.

OP posts:

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 10/01/2019 21:53

Try citizens advice first, they will point you in the right direction. You will get a lot of advice on here but sadly a lot of it will be inaccurate and could make matters worse and it is very difficult to seperate the chaff from the corn

londonrach · 10/01/2019 21:58

I dont think law firms offer 30 minutes free now for several years. Talk yo cab op. You need to either sell or buy exdp out of the house.

RandomMess · 10/01/2019 22:03

Sadly they are just letters, mediation isn't legally binding...

I would crack on with legally forcing the sale and notify him in writing that is what you are going to do!

gottastopeatingchocolate · 10/01/2019 22:09

I was going to suggest occupation order, but you have considered that.

By the sound of things, it won't be possible to get what you want without "antagonising" him.

What does he want to happen? That you stay living together as exes forever?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 10/01/2019 23:18

Of course you can sell your half, just go see a lawyer and get the ball rolling. Irrelevant what he wants or does, just ignore him.

Its not a unique problem, this sort of thing happens all the time.

Original poster

notnearlythereyet · 11/01/2019 07:56

Thank you all. Can I actually sell my half independently?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 11/01/2019 09:07

I very much doubt it...

Janedoughnut · 11/01/2019 11:39

I'm pretty sure you can't sell half a house. My exh was an awkward sod so I had to see a solicitor and start divorce proceedings and had to go to court for a judge to order the sale of the matrimonial home. It took many months but he had to do what the judge ordered.

loubluee · 11/01/2019 11:46

This ‘free half hour’ people keep talking about? Where is it? A solicitor I asked as a friend laughed and said ‘we are paid a pittance as it is, and people want us to work for free???’

StormTreader · 11/01/2019 11:56

Unfortunately this sounds rather like a "magic words" post, ie "I want my partner to move out and/or sell the house and/or accept the relationship is over, he totally refuses to. What are the magic words to get him to do it that wont cost anything and wont upset him in any way?".

There aren't any magic words, you'll have to antagonise him a lot, he'll get arsey and upset and it will be unpleasant and probably cost you money.
It's nasty but once you accept it, it'll all seem much more possible to started because you won't be paralysed trying to find a "nice" way of doing it that doesn't exist.

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