Best friends Hen Do

[MrsUnpredictable]

Evening all!

My best friend is getting married in April and I cannot wait! I'm a bridesmaid and everything is going really well... apart from when it comes to planning the Hen do! This is left down to her older sister!

Some of the ideas that she has had are totally ridiculous and crazy expensive (maybe not to everyone but due to cancer I've not been working for the past year and have no spare cash!)

I've mentioned a few times that this is the case and I simply cannot afford £200 for 1 night away (without spending money on top!) but it seems to go unnoticed! I've even mention this to the brides mum ( we get on super well ) and she understands but there is no getting through to the brides sister!

I don't want to not be apart of it but I physically can't afford all the plans she keeps making :( how can I approach the subject?

have you made any suggestions of what could work?

Should have ended with :

AIBU to ask her to take my finances into account, she knows I've been ill! Me and the bride to be have been best friends for 20+ years and I'd hate to let her down!

@MsFrosty

I have but even then it's been turned into a huge money spending idea :(

AIBU to ask her to take my finances into account

Of course not - if you haven't already done this, it may be why she is planning stuff that's out of your price range.

You said you'd spoken to her Mum but she may not have passed this info on. Just speak to the sister directly and explain.

It's best just to lay it on the line what your total budget is. There maybe others who will feel relieved that someone's bringing costs down

Sorry, re-read your OP and you've said you've already mentioned it. Maybe you need to be a bit more explicit.

Can she break it into parts and you choose which bits you can afford. I've been to hen dos where some people come for the activity only, some for the night out, some stay over one night, some two etc.

I don't think you can expect everyone to reduce their weekend to fit your budget, but you should try and work with the sister to get options.

You’ll just have to explicitly say ‘Sounds great but impossible for me budget wise. Have a great time!’

Either she relents or they do the crazy expensive thing and you can take the bride out for an afternoon tea/dinner/drinks separately to celebrate.

just tell the bride

Tell the bride!

I hope you are recovering well OP xx

I agree with PP mention a specific budget. I imagine most of her friends won't be over the moon at spending hundreds on the hen night either.

Just tell the bride!!!

I wouldn't tell the bride, it's just another thing she mosy likely won't want the hassle of. I think yo be honest you have to go with the majority. If there's a way of stating again what your budget is not just to thw sister but also the wider group, then do so, but realistically i think if the majority are happy to spend more then that's just how it has to be. You can choose just to attend the activities for example rather than stay over. I organised a hen do recently and about 25% of people declined to stay overnight but did the activity instead.

Tell the bride as I'm sure you won't be the only one who cannot afford it. Brides sister might find that very few will end up going.

Ah, but YOU wouldn't be letting your friend down her sister would for not being considerate.

YABU for ending every sentence with a !

I can guarantee you won’t be the only one thinking that it’s too expensive. You’ll be doing yourself and other hens a favour if you speak up now.