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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Claire's law

17 replies

Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 13:45

I once attempted to apply for information. To me it just seemed so complicated because of all the questions asking where he worked etc. For someone who is in a situation of fear maybe they are scared that he will find out. I admit I probably gave too easily but all the info required was overwhelming and I was terrified he would find out I'd applied. He ended up raping me and coercing me into situations I would never have imagined myself in.
The psychological damage has had a lasting impact, but I count myself lucky to have got away (alive).
Anyone else had any experience of claire's law? How did the process play out?

OP posts:
Original poster
Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 13:46

*gave up

OP posts:
Normalnorman · 10/01/2019 13:52

I'm not sure I get this sorry. Do you mean you wanted to get information and disclosure about a man who was already threatening or violent towards you? You mentioned being terrified of him (or others that might do the same) finding out which suggests he'd been violent or harmed you already.

In that sense I don't understand what the disclosure of information would do?

Not trying to be arsey or anything I'm just not sure I understand what you mean.

Sorry to hear about your experience :(

Original poster
Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 13:56

I don't want to go into details sorry.
But no, the violence did not occur until later.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 14:01

What I'm trying to say is; I had a gut feeling, but the fear of him finding out meant I never went ahead with the application.
That's what I'm trying to figure out, how does it work effectively? Surely there is some suspicion there to begin with for some people to want to apply? I'm sure the form asked questions about why you want to apply although it was that long ago I can't remember specifics.

OP posts:
Normalnorman · 10/01/2019 14:04

OK fair enough that's understandable but if someone (anyone) looked into or wanted to apply for a disclosure on a partner they already knew was violent I don't understand what they would do with the information when it came back.

If someone was unsure or uneasy about starting or continuing with a relationship they didn't entirely trust to the extent they would apply for such specific information my personal opinion is they ought to trust their judgement and not go any further.

Not being disrespectful or insensitive in saying that I just don't understand why someone would carry on regardless whilst they go through a long and drawn-out process.

WeeDangerousSpike · 10/01/2019 14:15

I don't have any direct experience of this but from what I've read on here it's often the case that a 3rd party does the request.

So say I know or suspect someone has been a perpetrator of DV for instance. I also know that person is in a relationship with someone I'm close to and the other half is unaware and I believe they / their kids are at risk. I can put in a info request, the info wont necessarily be divulged to me but will be communicated to the other half if they are deemed to be at risk.

Also, her name was Clare - no i. I don't normally nitpick, but she died, it's important.

GreenThing · 10/01/2019 14:17

They have to ask questions to make sure you actually have the sort of relationship with a person that would put you/your children in danger.

They can't have people rocking up demanding information on 'the guy who lives two doors up and looked out of the window when my PFB walked by'. Hmm

Original poster
Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 14:28

Apologies for causing offence by spelling her name incorrectly.

I did have a bad feeling about him, very awful situation and very vulnerable at the time.
Thanks x

OP posts:
RayRayBidet · 10/01/2019 14:40

What made you worry he would find out?

RayRayBidet · 10/01/2019 14:42

I'm guessing they ask for a lot of information so that they are sure they have the right person. If they got it wrong and gave an all clear the consequences could be really bad.

Original poster
Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 14:48

I think the in-depth questions wanting to know his place of work. If I cast my mind back I'm sure I was concerned that his company would tell him that someone was attempting to find out information on him and I think that's why I backed out.
Yes, I know I should have listened to my gut.

Too late for that and it's hard to understand or explain so I don't ever talk about it now.
Wish I'd never bought it up tbh Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 14:52

I remember asking the police officer if I could apply and the answer was yes, here's the contact details and away I went.
I think there should be more support throughout the process or more information given on what to expect.

OP posts:
RayRayBidet · 10/01/2019 15:19

Yes I agree there should be support, hope you are OK OP.
Did you find out he had a record at any time later?

Original poster
Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 15:43

No, I didn't. It has taken a long time to feel OK but life is so much better. Thank you. Flowers

OP posts:
RayRayBidet · 10/01/2019 15:52

So it may not have helped you as there may not have been any previous convictions to discover.
Glad to hear that things are better for you now, you must be a very strong person indeed CakeBrewFlowers

Original poster
Toptheginup · 10/01/2019 16:11

Oh thanks, ♥️ I have had to be strong (as a mum). In fact, that was the hardest part about it; hiding the damage from a child, waiting until they go to bed so I could cry. The damage domestic abuse causes has such a rippling impact and hopefully one day I will be able to help others in that situation.
Clare's law is 100% a step in the right direction.

OP posts:
RayRayBidet · 10/01/2019 16:36

You should be very proud of yourself Star

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