To cancel family visiting last minute?

[Pandaloves]

NC for this because I'm aware I might come across as a bit shit.

DM and another relative are coming round for tea and cake this afternoon and to visit my toddler who's birthday is coming up. I haven't seen them in a while.

Other relative has a significant mental health issue which she is heavily medicated for, she has a heart of gold and I enjoy her company but when she's not quite herself it puts me on edge, especially around DS. I have some unpleasant memories of things that have happened during relapses years ago.

I've just come off the phone to her and she was coming out with some strange things which indicates she's not very well at the moment or is having an off day.

AIBU to ask them not to come?

You should let her come. Itsonlytea and dm is there. You could make her worse if you cancel

I don't want to make her worse obviously, I just don't know how to handle the situation when she goes off on these tangents about what's in her mind at the time. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, I know it's bad to admit that.

Yanbu at all. Only you can decide where your boundaries are for how much oddness you can manage in your home and with your toddler.

I have a sister with mental health problems and have no hesitation about cancelling if I don’t think a visit is a good idea that day.

It's days when she may not be feeling great when she needs most support.

She was hospitalised mid last year and I visited her three times a week and was on hand to provide support so I am there for her in general, but I was able to leave DS with DP whilst I did that.

It's the strange behaviour around DS that I'm weary of. I don't think for one second she'd harm him, it's just the behaviour that makes me a bit anxious.

You just look like you’re listening and nod along or make supportive noises surely? A bit like when a toddler babbles away! And if it gets too much go and play with your little one or do something about the house.

can you give your mum a heads up to keep an eye on her so you can focus on your DS if necessary?

I wonder whether the people telling you to see her have experience of significant mental health issues? You’re allowed to look after yourself as well.

Just make an excuse and tell her not to come! Your DS comes first. Then reschedule for a time when you can see her without DS.

I second having a word with your Mum and asking for her help.

Unless you want to exclude her permanently from having a relationship with your DS, you should let her come. I'm assuming she won't magically get better any time soon, and as your son gets older he will of course notice these things.And he will pick up from you how to deal with people like this.

Please treat her kindly. She cannot help having mental health issues.

I would have her round, especially when she's sick. It sounds like you'll be uncomfortable rather than scared or unsafe. I would set a boundary on the time of the visit - have somewhere to go to after an hour or two perhaps.

She's just called and cancelled so they aren't coming now

She's just called to say they're not coming now anyhow, I'm a touch relieved as I don't like making excuses but was dreading the visit a bit.

It's nice that you were there for her when she was hospitalised and are there for her in general.

Situations like this are difficult and it might become more of a problem as your DS grows and can understand what she's saying. I mean, would you incorporate her into his life at times when she's doing ok?

Glad this resolved itself, op.

I do make an effort to meet her with DS when she's well, I would never freeze her out of his life because of her MH problem. When she's well you'd never know anything is wrong and she's a lovely person.

She's an older relative and as such I have my own memories of her 'odd' behaviour when I was growing up and was exposed to it, that was the basis of my concern.

She used to tell me we were related to royals then talk to me about other delusional beliefs she had at the time such as the queen being out to get her. Being a child and looking to her as a role model I listened to what she had to say and took it in. In hindsight I don't think it's healthy for a child to be told such things and don't want such confusion/worry for my own children.

I have a relative who behaved in a similar manner and I totally understand. Mostly it was just ramblings and fantasy stories but there was on3 occasion where my mum nipped to the loo and returned to find relative trying to persuade me to put my hand in a hot hob. It was the first instance she had done anything like this but now I have my own children I am very wary and tend to not see her when she is obviously unwell.

@ZoeZebra1 Glad your mum returned and you came to no harm! It can be really difficult creating a healthy distance between DC and unwell relatives because you run the risk of people thinking you're being cruel to the relative. It can be really scary for children and having seen psychotic episodes I wouldn't want DS to be scared like that