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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want revenge!

19 replies

wombatthewarrior · 10/01/2019 11:14

Approximately 15 years ago we lent a family member (call them A) on DH's side £10,000. The money was for A to buy into a company that they worked for and still does. There has been no attempt whatsoever to repay us the money back, despite many requests. During that time A got married and has a blended family. The family that A has married into is extremely wealthy and A wants for nothing, a huge house, several large cars and lives a life of complete luxury. We are no contact and have been for many years.

Approximately a year ago there was a family funeral and because of the circumstances I bit my tongue and said nothing to A. After the funeral my DH met up with A and again asked for the money back, even in installments, making it clear it wasn't a gift, it was a loan. A basically said that they have no intention of giving the money back, they don't have it and never will! Although A has admitted that they miss us and they are ashamed of their behaviour but won't/can't give us the money back.

I am beside myself with fury, with A, for refusing to give us the money back and also with DH who did not get a proper signed contract done before giving A the money. If he had, we may be able to go down the legal route.

This situation is eating me up and find I have sleepless nights thinking of various ways to get revenge on A! DH has said I should "let it go", but that's easier said than done!

Sorry, needed to rant/vent, but welcome ideas or suggestions of how to deal with this! Or how to get revenge even!

OP posts:

DontCallMeCharlotte · 10/01/2019 11:23

Tell A's spouse (or preferably their whole family) in front of A.

You still might not get the money back but A will have been thoroughly humiliated at the very least.

(I'm not normally this nasty but you did ask )

shpoot · 10/01/2019 11:25

No need for revenge. What will you do exactly? Chuck paint on her car?

It's a lesson learned. A hard one. But sounds like your DH in her life wasn't worth 10 grand to his sister?

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2019 11:28

If it's just revenge you're after then yup. Tell everyone you loaned her ten grand, she agreed to pay it back and never has.

It won't help you get thr money back, but it will humiliate the person further.

Sarahjconnor · 10/01/2019 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuchAToDo · 10/01/2019 11:35

Op I'm wondering if you could email /text the person and sort of get them to admit it was a loan and that they agreed to repayments...(maybe ask them something like why did you agree to repayments if you didn't intend to pay it back?)

I'm thinking if you can somehow get enough evidence in email that they admit you Lent them the money and that they was going to pay it back originally...then wouldn't that be evidence to go down the legal route?

Limensoda · 10/01/2019 11:36

Take A to court.?

Original poster

wombatthewarrior · 11/01/2019 10:14

Thank you for your replies.

Unfortunately we can't go down the legal route as we didn't get a written contract drawn up and signed. If we had, we would definitely have taken A to court to get the money back!

A's partner knows about the money loan and has said "not my problem, I don't care", so I can't go down that route either! Mother-in-law (from where all the family money comes from) has basically said the same!

Even if A agreed to pay back a small amount regularly it would help, but no, A refuses that also! A seems to be immune to humiliation! Perhaps humiliation by social media maybe the answer, probably not, given A's attitude towards the whole thing!

The suggestion of an email to A and trying to get them to admit that it was a loan is a good one, I may try that, although DH has already had the conversation and he still got "sorry, won't be paying you back" !

I can see that, as mentioned, that this has been a really hard lesson learned!

OP posts:

nonetcurtains · 11/01/2019 10:19

They gave it to my DM about a month later do you not think that actually it's your mother who has paid this to you and your uncle is non the wiser?

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/01/2019 10:29

No inspiration but I don't blame for you being livid.

Bombardier25966 · 11/01/2019 10:33

You don't necessarily need a written contract to enforce a debt, although it's obviously far simpler if you do. Unfortunately any enforcement would now be time barred as you're well over six years.

popehilarious · 11/01/2019 10:36

How on earth do people get into these situations without getting at least something in writing?! Not helpful I know OP, sorry, and I'd be livid but at what point over the last 15 years did you mention it to A? Seems weird to just forget about it. What was their response to your initial requests to pay it back?
My advice would be to not let them forget - make it so it's easier for them to repay you than putting up with the constant requests, turning up at their house etc

CatnissEverdene · 11/01/2019 10:38

Can you talk to the company owners? Technically that investment is yours, not theirs............ even if only to stir up some trouble.

TrickyD · 11/01/2019 10:39

Not something I would normally advocate, but any chance of Facebook shaming?

swingofthings · 11/01/2019 10:39

So the fault of the no contract is not just your OH, it was your own nativity too. Understand your frustration to have trusted a family member to be let down by them, but sadly there is little you can do. You do have to move on. My ex hasn't paid a penny in maintenance for his kids through all the years. I used to get so wind up by it but I decided to let it go and it doesn't upset any longer.

It's of course totally wrong, you should y have to let it go, ut if there's nothing you can do, it will indeed eat you inside for no benefit.

NoFucksImAQueen · 11/01/2019 11:42

there is a reason people like this cannot get a loan and it's because they aren't deemed reliable enough and now you see why. I lent £200 to someone I considered a close friend once and I could not believe the lies he told to get out of paying it back. eventually got it back off his mum and have never spoken to him again.
it's easy for us all to say you have to let it go and move on but I can see why you are livid. I wonder how many tires you'd have to slash to equate to 10k 🤔
kidding, obviously.

Professionalmum1 · 11/01/2019 18:44

Judge Rinder pays out upto £5000 if you win!

StreetwiseHercules · 11/01/2019 18:56

It was £10k 15 years ago and you no longer have contact with these people.

I can understand why you are annoyed but it should not be eating you up like this.

Let it go.

TheOxymoron · 11/01/2019 19:55

Well it’s unlikely the money was given in cash.
You could evidence the payment and try the legal route of the loan.
Do what a previous poster said, try an email conversation to gain some admission. That along with evidence of the payment could help but make sure the payment was supposed to be paid back over 10-12 yrs or you will legally be out of time.

Pachyderm1 · 11/01/2019 20:19

You can still go down the legal route, even without a signed agreement. It may be harder to evidence but it might be enough to shock your debtor into considering payment.

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