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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Struggling with the school run

105 replies

whatsthepointthen · 10/01/2019 09:33

I live quite far from my childrens school, it means getting the bus. Every morning the bus is packed! It means frequently missing it if I have the pram this means getting to school late. I have tried other alternatives. Like a sling, but dont know why they are raved about so much as I find it extremely heavy. Could be because dd is 20 months now, but as the bus is always packed it means standing then walking to the school and because I have 3 children at the school I have to walk all the way round the building, (very big school 700 pupiles) and back again. There is no way to drop them
off without doing this. Im just finding the sling to heavy and a struggle.

Ive tried taking a pram that can be folded but again its the same thing, bus very packed, having to stand holding a pram and a baby which is pretty impossible. So we are always ending up late getting the later bus.

Obviously dd can walk but I think thats abit far off for now as its such a lot of walking that she will struggle for now as shes still pretty tiny, and tbh will take just as long.

Aibu to be struggling this much? 😩 Are there any alternative carriers for older babies or something im not thinking about?

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 10/01/2019 10:29

I would get a micro mini scooter, if you don't have one already, and tie a rope/lead to the handlebars and tow the baby. I did this with DD2 - she could barely see over the handlebars, but she hung on like grim death and LOVED it. Thought she was a big girl etc. Grin

Much smaller on bus. You can even pop it apart into two pieces if you feel ambitious (I find the spring too hard for my fingers, although my DH can do it).

RB68 · 10/01/2019 10:31

Seems a bit obvious to me - get a light weight umbrella fold buggy, reins on smallest so when out of buggy still got hold, fold it right up for bus.

Alternatively can you leave smallest with anyone while you do school run?

If oldest two have SEN have you tried exploring transport with council, even though you are below the 3 miles (I thought it was lower for primary) there may be some help available depending on the SEN and also the journey etc. This might be dependent on age though.

Tinty · 10/01/2019 10:32

They should provide transport for the DC under 8 up to two miles, over 8 they only provide transport if it is 3 miles away. If you can get transport for 2 DC (if under 8), then you can pay for the third DC (if over 8) normally. It may be cheaper paying for one, than all of you getting the bus. You may also be entitled to transport for DC over 8 because of the SEN but I am not sure about that. Oh and schools never seem to tell anyone they are entitled to free transport.

I told 3 people who lived near me that their DC were entitled to transport. They had been taking them to school for 2 years without knowing they could have had free transport. When they found out their DC were on the school bus from then on.

SuziQ10 · 10/01/2019 10:34

I bet If you took the child out of school and they were out of education the local authority would find you a school close by pretty sharpish!

My dd's primary school is a 30 min walk away (adult fast walking time, prob more like 45min with dd). There is a bus but it's a small one that goes down the backstreets and always full they don't let anyone on unless someone gets off, which they don't at stops near to us.
We are in London and there were no closer schools with space somehow.

I am seeing it through this year, have taken fewer hours at work so I can take her daily - I was getting to work late due to the location of the school. But from September I won't be sending her. I will arrange home schooling until a place comes up locally. It's tough asking a small child to walk 45 mins in freezing weather especially when it's dark in the mornings. After school isn't as bad.

Holidayshopping · 10/01/2019 10:34

I would think you only qualify for help with travel for a child with SEN if the child had an EHC plan which details specifics.

Charmatt · 10/01/2019 10:35

Even if transport help is granted it will be by bus so it doesn't solve the issue. You have to apply for transport help, it's not automatically offered and is not available if you listed the school as one of your preferences.

Yura · 10/01/2019 10:36

just looked up tbe sling you are using, yes, that would do your back in with anything heavier than a newborn. there are enty of options for an der child. manduca usually goes cheap second hand, toddler tula (really expensive), toddler connecta, and others. but you really need to try (i for example don’t get along with the tula, but love our manduca)

Musseswoofles · 10/01/2019 10:37

Have you considered paying a childminder with a car to do the schoo run? Or one to look after your youngest whilst you take the 3 older ones to school?

FamilyOfAliens · 10/01/2019 10:45

I work in a school with a specialist centre for speech and language. The children who come by transport have our school named in their EHCP. Other children who get transport are LAC whose olacmwment has moved but the LA wants them to stay in the school.

Not everyone’s distance rules are the same for home to school transport so you’ll have to check what they are for you, OP. And with a range of ages, you may find that the younger ones qualify and the older ones don’t.

In our LA, they don’t give transport to any child who doesn’t qualify, even a sibling of a qualifying child. Crazy, I know.

RB68 · 10/01/2019 10:45

re trying other slings there are sometimes sling libraries to try diff ones.

haba · 10/01/2019 10:51

I found that I could manage my toddler on my back in the sling, not on the front. I had a stretchy wrap type (moby?) that lasted really well.
DH could manage when DD was four! But her legs were too long for me (I'm very short!)

51Pegasusb · 10/01/2019 10:53

Is a "bakfiets" an option, I think they're called cargo bikes in English. I used one for years and it fit four kids in. I now use it to cycle to the woods with baby and dog in ( about 5km) . I didn't have four kids then just brought home others for play dates. I'm not UK based so we all cycle to school here it's the norm. Also not sure on your hill and road situation. But maybe look for something 2nd hand that's affordable, just an idea. Good luck.

speakout · 10/01/2019 10:57

This reply has been deleted

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recently · 10/01/2019 10:59

I used a hip carrier as I could never use a sling that didn't hurt my back either. I would also consider just walking it, if you could maybe work something out with a buggy board? Might be less stressful than the bus!

recently · 10/01/2019 11:00

Speakout - was there any need for that comment? The OP asked for practical help not a life lecture. Hmm

haba · 10/01/2019 11:00

It's a bit much that people on the bus don't give up a seat for a mum with a 20mo too! Grrr Angry on your behalf, selfish beasts!

Madders45 · 10/01/2019 11:04

Could you walk a little in the opposite direction to get on the bus at an earlier stop when it might be less busy?

Zintox · 10/01/2019 11:04

A decent sling would work well. If you go to a sling library and try some out you will find one that works for you then go on Facebook sling selling groups and get a preloved one.

Mrspotter12 · 10/01/2019 11:09

Please call your local council and ask for the school transport dept and talk to then.

Almostthere15 · 10/01/2019 11:11

How unnecessary speakout. You can't plan for not getting into school or a busy bus route. You don't know if your circumstances are going to change.

OP in the first instance I'd speak to the school I think and see if they have any advice (there might be a bus company or preferred taxi etc, even if you could use it once a week it might help).

I think I would go to a sling library, it should be possible to carry your baby without pain but you might need a better carrier.

Also get on to the local authority, where are you on the list now? Sometimes knowing it's not forever helps! And of course it's worse at this time of year

Salmakia · 10/01/2019 11:13

Unnecessary speakout you have no idea why the OP has the children she has and she never said she didn't want 4 children or that she wasn't coping with them, just that a busy bus is difficult.

randomsabreuse · 10/01/2019 11:13

I'd look at a buckle carrier for a back carry. I could carry my 3yo easily until she preferred to walk and refused to get in. Much more supportive than a stretchy wrap type sling.

Alternatively use both - pram for the walk then once at stop youngest in sling so it's easier to hold pram on the bus.

Carrying is definitely easiest if done from early on as you get stronger as their weight increases. DH had to have a while off carrying and found it a shock getting back into it!

holidayarmadillo2019 · 10/01/2019 11:19

Speak to SENTAS they helped us with getting transport for ds. If you have two children with sen and you were also unable to get a placement in your closest suitable school I would say you have good grounds to request transport.

Whyislarryhappy · 10/01/2019 11:19

Best to get reigns and get your 20m to walk. I had to do this. I got two trains, and if there was a seat I'd grab it quick, otherwise I'd stand and get D's to stand, only picking him up if necessary. When I was pregnant if there was a seta I'd plonk my D's on it instead.

DishingOutDone · 10/01/2019 11:21

Speakout what a bitchy thing to say! Do you find that spiteful attitude endears you to your friends? Or is it something you only feel safe saying out loud here?

We're all having a grown up conversation with the OP so you have a nice lie down under the bridge.

OP please please do not come back on and start explaining why you have 4 kids as no one else is interested. Back to your issue - can you ask to see the family support worker or welfare officer at the school and see if he or she can help? At all the schools my kids have been to someone like you would have been a priority - when I was unwell but still had to walk my two to school I was allowed to have a key to the staff car park as it was easier to send my kids in that way, and staff brought them back to that gate each day. Other families have support workers meeting their kids in the street and taking them in. It does happen, depends on the school of course but you might be surprised what help is available.