A lot of optimistic vibes, so I’ll provide a negative 🤠I’m usually the other way round!
I was a lone parent with a newborn and 2 year old up until they were age 9. Walked out on 7 years of DV when youngest was 4 weeks old.
I had family nearby to begin with so had plenty of time to myself for going out, attending appointments, etc
But then the family fractured and I was completely on my own, as in nobody at all to help.
So they’d just do everything with me and I mean everything.
I’d take both my kids to the wax salon or hairdresser with me, get huffy trying to get a double pushchair on the bus (I didn’t drive then), sit about of an evening when they were in bed thinking I was lonely and feeling guilty I couldn’t provide a ‘normal’ family for them to grow up in,...
But yet there are so many things to enjoy on your own with tiny kids. All those days of taking them to the parks, swimming, local events, coffee shop breaks, ...
The financial side won’t cripple you.
I don’t know how this myth of single mums arose. Your husband will probably financially provide for you, unlike some of us. He may keep paying your rent or mortgage so you don’t have to move into a small flat, he may pay you hundreds of pounds a month in child support, you may receive cash benefits from your divorce.
I didn’t have any of that, but the government gave me nearly £1400 a month in Child Tax Credit,
Child Benefit,
Working Tax Credit (I worked part time when they started school),
Housing Benefit paid 85% of my rent,
Council Tax paid 100%,
Vouchers for milk/fruit/veg,
and although my house was a bit rubbish (homes let to single parents on benefits really are cruddy they don’t need to impress potential tenants with basic things like plug sockets that fit properly, boilers that work properly, peeling paint and damp patches, ....)
Apart from that, financially even if you get nothing from the kids father, you’ll get by if you budget well.
If you continue to work full time whilst they’re babies, all the nursery fees will take your salary. But you have to suck it up until they start school and your childcare needs change. Well, daily needs, there’s always 13 weeks of school holidays to cover.
If you find a local Ofsted childminder who can babysit evenings for you, you’ll get time to yourself that way.
Many council run leisure centres have a crèche attached so you can attend health and fitness classes.
Contact and access I can’t comment on as my children’s father has always been absent. I think I might be lucky I haven’t had to go through that sort of stress.
Mostly though, you’ll come out of it having realised that you can cope with anything having been lone parent.
If you later go on to marry again, and find yourself widowed one day, you already know you can cope with the situation having been a lone parent. It really does set you up for anything, it’s not a buzzword thing, you learn total self reliance.
It’s the fathers who have to go off and rent a bedsit or move back in with their parents age 38 whilst spending all their wages on child support and ex-wife maintenance that get the bad deal, not the mum with kids.