To ask if it gets easier - pregnancy announcements

[DarnFiddleSticks]

Suffering from recurrent miscarriage for the past 2 years.

Another friend has just announced her pregnancy. And I'm sick of feeling jealous and miserable over news which should make me happy for them.

I feel like the only person in the world who struggles with this. Those of you who have been here, does it get easier?

I feel like a terrible person because I just can't be happy for these people who are supposed to be my friends. I have to hide their posts on social media and practically avoid them for 9 months if I want to retain a fraction of sanity / mental health.

I had an ectopic pregnancy in July. Not planned but as soon as we found out it was a very much wanted and loved baby. We only knew for 9 days and we're still trying to get our heads round it when I ended up having to have emergency surgery .

Some days it does seem a constant stream of pregnancy announcements on my social media but I do try and feel happy for people. It is hard though and I do struggle some days. It certainly doesn't make you a bad person though.

I can't really think of anything else to say apart from just try and be positive and look forward to the day you can put an announcement on xxx

It’s really hard.

If you look on the infertility board (replies are usually kinder there) you’ll see lots of us feel exactly the same way.

It doesn’t I’m afraid but you need to find a way of dealing with it before it drives you crazy.
Unfortunately I never found a good way of dealing with it, I made a pact last week that I will never attend another christening.

Been trying for 3 years and it's hard. You're not alone with this. It's ok to feel sad/angry/whatever, you don't have to judge yourself for not being happy for them.

Bless you my dear
I will be honest with you and tell you that it doesn't get better but keep your pride and don't let anyone know how you feel is my advice. I used to hate the ppl who were pregnant and avoid them like the plague . What did help me was helping to look after my BFF 2 boys . I used to pick them up from school/playgroup/ nursery and it helped me no end. I fund that it was really hard work and that although they were lovely they could be naughty and right little pita too . It wasn't all milk and honey like l imagined it to be.
I am wishing you all the best my dear l so hope you have your own little one very soon

I'm not going to lie OP, I did not find it got any easier. It drove me insane, I ended up feeling a bit bitter. I did try to be happy for everyone though and was genuinely happy for some. I never let on to anyone else though, other than my DH, about how it really made me feel.
Take yourself off social media for a while, it might help.
I hope that you can put your own announcement on soon. The day will come, I promise. Normally right when you give up hope completely (that is what happened with me).

You aren't alone and your day will come, I promise.

Xx

I've become more rolly eyes than jealous, which I guess is less painful.

My baby would have been two tomorrow. I've not told anyone in the real world, and I've tried to feel comfort rather than upset. It's definitely easier than it was, but still feels like a part of me is missing.

Be kind to yourself xx

The day will come, I promise. Normally right when you give up hope completely (that is what happened with me).

You can’t promise the op that.

It broke my heart every day for several years, the only thing that ‘fixed’ me was being fortunate enough to have a successful pregnancy. It’s changed me forever though, I’m a lot more sympathetic and understanding of other people’s potential hidden pain.

for you OP xx

Thanks all. It's so hard. You like to think you're be completely selfless in these sorts of situations and be happy for people but it just isn't the case no matter how much I like to think I'm a 'good person' I just can't stand seeing other people going through it.

I first started TTC 20 years ago in my mid-30s. I had one failed pregnancy and that was it. No children. Obviously too late now. I really hope your story has the happy ending you want.

I found it has got easier, especially once we chose to embrace the "life unexpected" about ten years ago. Whatever you do, don't avoid. I think this is incredibly damaging.

It’s a grief as well as so incredibly hard not to take personally. I was 25 when we started TTC & eventually conceived via IVF at 38.

My own personal experience during those 13 years was that it gets harder. More salt in the wound, more happy people. Unfair and you don’t deserve not to experience it. At one point I considered a hysterectomy just to get it set in my head that I can move forward.

My clinic started putting their profits into research of recurrent miscarriage. Could you look into having tests? Just thinking of a productive way to move forward.

Sorry you are going through this x

Definitely take yourself off Facebook etc. It ducks the life out if you seeing all the announcements 😬

I had a miscarriage in July 2017. So upsetting.

I fell pregnant quite quickly after it and never announced the pregnancy on any social media for the reason you stated. I knew the feeling of despair. Tbh I was 23 weeks before I announced to friends and colleagues very quietly.

Hand hold for you OP. It’s really shitty.

Thanks

I am already being seen by the hospital and know the reasons for my miscarriages (nearing double figures now). I know it's 'possible' but it may be a long and very very hard journey.