To ask about moving on from hating someone

[mumtomaxwell]

I hate my colleague. I come home from work in tears most days because of it and I have absolutely no idea how to make the situation better.

I can’t pinpoint exactly why, but the strength of my reaction against them is frightening.

How can I move on without leaving my job? It’s killing me.

More info needed. Why do you hate them?

You can't necessary change someone but you can change the way you respond to their behaviour. Take control and either avoid them if you can or take a positive decision that you're not going to let them push your buttons.

Maybe write a plan for yourself - a column of what it is that annoys you and a column of your new reaction to that (silence is a good reaction!).

definitely need
more info. coming home
in tears most days sounds worrying.

Maybe they remind you of someone else you have hated before?

We’ve worked together before. They were awful. Manipulating and nasty - and I was the victim of their self-serving behaviour.

I can’t go to our manager because they are best friends outside work! I feel frightened, powerless, and like no one has my back. I have to move on!

Give an example of something they have done? I think then we could understand the hate a little bit better.

I had this colleague. I waited and she finally left. He was then replace by a he, equally terrible. He was fired.
I think there is always one

They turn up unprepared for meetings and somehow manipulate the situation so that other people run around picking up the pieces for them.

They are lazy, unbelievably so. Just don’t do stuff because they don’t want to, which has an impact on everyone else.

No one ever challenges any of this - that makes me so so angry!

In the past they made comments about never wanting to turn out like me, they’d never follow the same ‘sad’ career path etc etc. (I’m a bit older than them.)

Individually these things sound not that bad, but over a couple of years it becomes utterly draining. They haven’t been back long but the same old habits are showing. The 2 years without this colleague were so good!

planespotting how did you get through the waiting?

Last time I had an ally in another colleague... they left and nasty colleague got the job! Despite saying they’d never return to this “shit hole”!

I feel for you. I had the same. It was a long waiting game but they got tripped up in the end and I think the second is about to go.

I ended up going in total desperation to another director who I didn't really know but a friend trusted - he was brilliant. I was lucky that he quickly recognised what I was describing and acted on it.

If he hadn't, I'd have had to leave.