I'm sorry for what you've been through. If it's helpful to know, the kinds of problems you've described experiencing since ending the relationship are common for people who've been through what you have.
He was trying to mess with your head, so it's no reflection on you that you are suffering as a result.
A year is very little time at all to recover from being terrorised in your own home by someone you trusted and with whom you should have been safe.
You're quite hard on yourself, but do you also recognise the strength and determination it must have taken for you to stand up for yourself, to trust your own judgment when he was trying to confuse and manipulate you, and ultimately to protect yourself from any further abuse? That takes great courage and you should be proud of yourself for managing it.
Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? It's a free information course, run in small groups for women only. It's confidential and they don't keep records so nobody will know you've attended. It's also not therapy and you'll never be asked to share things unless you wanted to volunteer something during a discussion.
It teaches about the dynamics that drive abuse, the different tactics that different abusers use, the impact it has on us, and how we can heal afterwards.
Although it's not therapy, the groups are really supportive. I am speaking as a previous attendee who was petrified to even walk through the door the first week. It honestly changed my life for the better.
In terms of rebuilding your life, getting your head together and feeling less weak/crazy, it could really help you. It will reinforce that the impact on you is as real as you're experiencing it to be, it will reinforce that the particular tactics used on you were just as damaging as any other type of abuse you might be comparing to, it will help you to trust your instincts, your mind, your judgment, and your sense of reality again.
Perhaps most importantly for what's troubling you now, it will teach you about what healthy relationships look like. It will teach you how a decent, loving partner who's not abusive but is a regular human being that makes mistakes (so you don't find yourself unable to tell when someone is making a human mistake or being deliberately abusive).
It will teach you early warning signs of abuse so that when you are ready to start dating again you'll have a reliable toolbox for working out whether someone is abusive or not (rather than falling into the trap of using your abusive ex as the standard).
This is important because different abusers use different tactics, so you might meet someone who is totally different from your ex - but that doesn't mean he's not abusive, he could just use a different set of tactics. Freedom Programme will teach you how to spot any abusive behaviour so that when you're ready for a new relationship you'll be able to feel confident and safe.
Freedom Programme helped me make sense of what had happened to me and feel able to say "what happened to me was wrong" as well as being able to accept that of course I had psychological injuries but that I could heal.
It gave me back hope that my future could be different.
Yours can be too. It sounds like you have some possible post traumatic stress syndrome symptoms, so it's worth investigating therapy options as well to help you recover from those.
I think you're doing brilliantly to have come this far, so please don't feel you're not making enough progress. You are.