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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a contribution every now and then

44 replies

Ineedtobehappy · 09/01/2019 12:39

Bit of background, been with DP for almost 2 years. We don’t live together but spend a couple of evenings together mid week and all weekend most weeks. This is always spent at my house where I cook for him or order takeout.
My problem is that I don’t mind doing this every now and then but he’s expecting meals cooked for him all the time, we no longer have so called dates and I pay for absolutely everything.
It’s got to the point where I no longer enjoy his company but can’t bring myself to say anything to him 🙁

OP posts:

AdoreTheBeach · 09/01/2019 23:29

Why not make reservations for dinner, tell him and that you’ll meet you there?

Next week, tell him about a restaurant you like and you’ll be making a reservation there for a Saturday date night out.

Next week, tell him there’s a film you’d like to see with him. Ask him to book the tickets.

Week after, tell him you’d fancy another Saturday date night and you’d like him to choose a place near him.

After a few weeks of this, he should get back into the swing of things. If not, have a serious chat. He could well be someone who just prefers to stay in. If you’re not, then have this discussion. If you’re ok staying in, then as per PP, ask him to buy ingredients for cooking. Order take away - in line and give him iPad second and ask after he’s ordered his to please pay too. If he doesn’t want to pay (or contribute) - you have an answer to problem right there and time to move on.

userschmoozer · 09/01/2019 23:32

Dont be PA, just say 'I'm skint this month, I need you to start chipping in'. Its January so its the ideal time of the year.

lboogy · 09/01/2019 23:35

He sounds like a user. Get rid

ModernFamily101 · 09/01/2019 23:37

I can imagine not thinking about chipping in for a meal cooked at home, but with takeaways there's a really obvious exchange of cash? Next time can you ask him to sort the takeaway and see what he says?

Do you earn more than he does? Does he pay for any of the other stuff you do?

I like userschmoozer's suggestion too - just be casual about it.

MargotLovedTom1 · 09/01/2019 23:39

Why is it always at your place? Does he never invite you to his?

HollowTalk · 09/01/2019 23:41

Of course he's noticed! I bet he's saving loads. Wouldn't you love to go to someone's house four or five days in the week and have all your food cooked and paid for?

I wouldn't actually talk to him about it - he's shown you who he is. Asking him to chip in now will still mean you are going out with a stingy cocklodger. The extra money won't change that.

HollowTalk · 09/01/2019 23:42

Hang on, when you order takeout food, who pays?

FetchezLaVache · 10/01/2019 09:38

The other thing is that DP will occasionally cook for me - always, when we're at his house (which probably averages out at once a month), not as often when we're at mine, but he sets and clears the table, sides the kitchen, packs the dishwasher etc. I would be beyond fucking resentful if he expected waiting on hand and foot. You're getting all the disadvantages of being a 1950s housewife, but without the considerable up-side of being provided for financially.

Also, your utility bills.

He's a massive CF.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 10/01/2019 10:22

Im useless at confrontation so would keep doing it but no takeaways etc...just give him cheap food...when he asks why i would say that i was skint...unexpected repair bill etc....see if he picks up on that.

Chamomileteaplease · 10/01/2019 10:38

Does he pay for anything else for you?

IDECLAREBANKRUPTCY · 10/01/2019 12:25

@myusernamewastakenbyme oh come on, you'd rather be used and taken advantage of than talk to someone?

brick15 · 10/01/2019 12:32

You shouldn’t have to ask! He should be considerate enough to realise this and occasionally offer/bring food.
Why are all dates at home, why don’t you both go out for dinner or do other things etc? Very strange you’ve put up with this for this long OP.

LagunaBubbles · 10/01/2019 12:36

If you can't speak to him about this because you don't like "confrontation" then it's not just him you have issues with, that level of anxiety in relationships is unhealthy for you.

ZenNudist · 10/01/2019 12:40

Ditch him

overmydeadbody · 10/01/2019 12:50

This is ridiculous.

You either grow a backbone and talk about it with him or you dump him. You can't just be a pushover.

Stop cooking at all. Starting this weekend. And sit him down and tell him why.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 10/01/2019 12:54

Does he ever cook the food you have chosen and paid for, or does he expect full waitress service as well?

mummmy2017 · 10/01/2019 13:00

Just tell him, want to order takeaway, you can pay...
Every time he is over just say let's go shopping for food you can pay...

RepeatS1gnal · 10/01/2019 20:54

He is your boyfriend, but you can't ask him to pay for food ! What will happen if you need support for a major life issue ? You need to have an adult conversation

LEDadjacent · 10/01/2019 21:01

Just talk to him FFS!

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