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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling work I'm pregnant.

22 replies

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 09/01/2019 12:25

Can anyone offer any advice or reassurance? I'm 7 weeks pregnant - I wasn't planning to tell them so early but I can't stop throwing up all day long so I don't see a way around it.

The problem is I'm due a promotion, it's been talked about for a while and is supposed to be happening within the next couple of weeks. I'm worried it's going to get taken off me/they'll be mad at me.

Also I've only been there a year, is there any chance I could get sacked?

Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 09/01/2019 12:27

Honestly, don't tell them. Even if they suspect they can't do much about it. Keep it to yourself. You can be signed off with sickness if needs be. A friend of mine told us all she had vertigo which was making her sick and we all believed her!

Original poster
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 09/01/2019 12:27

Thank you. What about when I do have to tell them though?!

OP posts:
Makeroomforthemushrooms · 09/01/2019 12:28

It would be against the law to sack you just in the grounds of being pregnant. Strictly speaking, they can’t withhold a promotion either. However, I agree with the previous poster that you should keep it quiet at this early stage. Congratulations on your good news!

Banana8080 · 09/01/2019 12:29

You’d be bonkers to tell them. I recently promoted a pregnant colleague but I’m kinda awesome, most managers aren’t.

Original poster
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 09/01/2019 12:32

I'm just worried about the implications of lying. When should i tell them?

OP posts:
2019Dancerz · 09/01/2019 12:32

Well if they suspect, but you haven’t told, then they can overlook you for promotion or sack you with no comeback. If you inform them you are pg then they need to be more careful (doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen, but would need to be careful to find other reasons!)

xJune88 · 09/01/2019 12:36

You don't have to tell your place of work until 25 weeks x

Sparklfairy · 09/01/2019 12:37

What 2019Dancerz said. Employers can be sneaky and if you really can't hide it and they suspect then they could screw you over with no comeback. If you have a paper trail and keep everything in writing that you've informed them you're pregnant and shortly after get sacked then you have a clear discrimination case. Do you have written evidence of the promotion too? Always be on the safe side with these things.

c0ffeemachine · 09/01/2019 12:40

I'm just worried about the implications of lying.

you are not lying.
You are just not telling them something which they have no right to know until you are 25 weeks anyways. Keep schtum.

And congrats Flowers

Newnametoconfesshername · 09/01/2019 12:42

Depends on the relationship with your boss. I’ve told them early twice due to severe morning sickness. If god forbid something goes wrong they will presumably find out anyway or will you just take a couple of days due to unspecified sickness?
All my miscarriages have needed surgery and over night stays in hospital so bending over to keep quiet is pointless.

Original poster
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 09/01/2019 12:49

Do you have written evidence of the promotion too? No, it's been announced to everyone but nothing written. But I will write a letter when I tell them.

Newnametoconfesshername I have a great relationship with my boss. Without wanting to out myself she has backed me for years and supported me personally and with my career. But me being on mat leave could potentially mean more work for her so you never know if someone may just turn on you!

All being well I'm planning to split parental leave with my partner as I'm the higher earner.

OP posts:
EmUntitled · 09/01/2019 12:52

Not telling them (yet) isn't lying. You aren't obliged to tell them and they aren't allowed to ask you.
You can get signed off for sickness if its really bad.

SpannerH · 09/01/2019 12:53
  1. you may not know yourself yet this early on so they cannot assume you are lying.
  2. I have been overlooked for a promotion because of my pregnancy so it does happen
I have had comments such as I don't mean this bad but I wish you wasn't pregnant' due to positions in the business that I would be great at but they seem to think there is no point when i'm going off for 9 months so again, it does happen.

I doubt they'll will sack you if they find out you would just probably not get the promotion.

Triskaidekaphilia · 09/01/2019 12:54

My sickness hit at 6 weeks and I ended up having to tell work. It was the only way I could eat regularly and rest for 5 mins when necessary as we can't usually snack/sit between breaks. If you're in a situation where you feel you can hide it longer I would but I get that it's sometimes not an option. If you can hide it though please don't feel bad, it's really none of their business yet.

I was actually up for a promotion too and didn't get it BUT the person who got it is better for the job and I was hoping she'd get it tbh. If I thought it'd affect my chances and I really wanted the job I may have considered getting signed off sick.

Original poster
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 09/01/2019 12:54

I know I can be signed off but that would be an absolutely last resort because it wouldn't be fair on everyone else I feel. I'd feel like I was dumping them in it with no preparation/warning!

OP posts:
c0ffeemachine · 09/01/2019 12:56

All my miscarriages have needed surgery and over night stays in hospital so bending over to keep quiet is pointless.

most miscarriages are managed without surgical intervention. And even if it were to happen and the OP needed time off work, then it is unlikely should would need more than a week off which for which you self certify. I would keep it to myself.

Original poster
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 09/01/2019 12:56

Triskaidekaphilia thank you. They would have to recruit someone from outside to do what I'm being promoted for which they don't like to do. There's no one else suitable, qualified or capable enough tbh!

OP posts:
Original poster
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 09/01/2019 12:57

Luckily none of my previous miscarriages have needed surgery and I just took a week off with a bug or whatever.

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/01/2019 12:58

Plenty of people don't know they're pregnant and think they hae a bug or something they can't shake off so just plead ignorance. Morning sickness often peaks around 8 - 10 weeks then gets better. Do whatever you need to do to get through it, try and make sure you get plenty of rest as tiredness can make it worse and eat little and often etc. Get the doctor to sign you off for a week if you need to. But agree don't tell them, they will most probably be fine but occasionally some employers don't treat people great

Original poster
WaterOffaDucksCrack · 09/01/2019 13:01

Thank you. I will keep it to myself as long as I can!!

OP posts:
2019Dancerz · 09/01/2019 13:01

It never occurred to me to not tell my employees why I was off with mc, should count as pg related absence so reduces your absence figures. I also hoped for/needed a bit of support afterwards. Anyway OP is pg and all should go well!

Di11y · 09/01/2019 14:57

sounds like your best to push for confirmation of the promotion in writing asap and then inform. that way they'll be hard pressed to go back on their decision.

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