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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to contact the person who adopted my pet

24 replies

MissUGirl · 09/01/2019 01:15

It was many years ago, and my girl might not even be alive. But I had a dream about her last night, and I woke up crying. Thanks to the internet I tracked down an email address for the person who adopted her, in my old hometown, on another continent. I really want to know how she got on and what happened to her. I've read that horses can live to 50 human years so it's possible that she's still with them. WIBU to send an email and if not, what should I say? It's been 20 years…

OP posts:

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 09/01/2019 01:29

It's clear you're not trying to get your pet back, but want to be able to know the end of the story and close a chapter in your life.

So, you wouldn't be unreasonable to contact them, but shouldn't get your hopes up about getting a response.

What were the circumstances of her adoption? I only ask because I have a justifiably low view of some of my own dog's previous owners (and a relatively sympathetic view of another). I have no reason to believe some of his previous owners know where he now is, but it would affect my response to them because all the evidence is that they comprehensively failed him.

Original poster

MissUGirl · 09/01/2019 01:42

Thanks for your post @AvocadosBeforeMortgages

The circumstances were... she was a horse, my childhood best friend, and I was an 18 year old leaving my parents' home for the big city, for university and ultimately to emigrate to another continent.

I had always known she would have to go to a new home one day, unless I wanted to stay in that small town forever, and although I sobbed for days when the man came to take her away, I didn't realise how it would hit me so many years later.

I wonder if his kids loved her as much as I did, and

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Original poster

MissUGirl · 09/01/2019 01:43

… well just what happened to her, really. He was a farmer and I know they can be ruthless with old animals, so for many years I told myself I didn't want to know. But I really do.

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DancelikeEmmaGoldman · 09/01/2019 01:43

It can’t hurt to contact them, but be prepared for disappointment if they don’t respond, or distress if the story ended badly. One of my horses is nearly 32 and my old mare lived to be 35. Ponies can live longer, but 50 is very uncommon.

You can just explain that you used to own her, were thinking about her and, having found their email, hope they don’t mind you contacting them. In my experience, good horse owners are generally happy to know something about the history of their horses.

Original poster

MissUGirl · 09/01/2019 01:48

Thank you @DancelikeEmmaGoldman. I won't get my hopes up too much.
I hope your horse has many more years with you.

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Original poster

MissUGirl · 09/01/2019 01:51

I guess I was worried because I did once phone the new owner, about a year after he took her, to see how she was doing, and my sisters told me I shouldn't have done it; that it was none of my business and she was his horse now. I said she might be his horse now, but she is still my friend!
I realise that probably sounds slightly odd.

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PipGoesPop · 09/01/2019 01:54

I think it's lovely that you are still thinking of her. Do get in touch and report back to us.

DroningOn · 09/01/2019 02:02

Assuming she's now gone I'm sure her new owners would like to reminisce about her life and would happily tell you about how she got on.

Let us know what happens OP.

Original poster

MissUGirl · 09/01/2019 02:02

Thank you @PipGoesPop. I will do that.

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Original poster

MissUGirl · 09/01/2019 02:04

I hope so @DroningOn. She could be a bit of a handful at times but the farmer knew what he was taking on. Thank you for your comment.

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SimplySteve · 09/01/2019 03:55

Good luck, I'd love to know what happened to my darling adopted dog (couldn't manage anymore), still have his piccy on my tablet :). Hope you get some good news and can close this chapter, wonderful the bonds we can have with our pets isn't it?

WombOfOnesOwn · 09/01/2019 04:25

Be prepared to hear bad news. I once had to tell a lovely woman I adopted a cat from, who emailed me just 2 years later, that the cat had developed a rare form of cancer and had to be put down. I felt just horrible having to tell her that, but I couldn't just lie to her.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 09/01/2019 04:52

I hope you hear back from them and get a nice ending to that chapter of your life.

Henrysmycat · 09/01/2019 05:00

I’d be delighted to tell my cat’s previous owner that he’s fine. I knew she loved him but her circumstances changed catastrophically so she did the best she could.
He’s loved, cherished and worshipped.

Gone4Good · 09/01/2019 05:44

Don't do it. It's been 35 years since I contacted the people I let temporarily adopt my horse and I really wish I hadn't phoned them.

GetsIt · 09/01/2019 05:50

If you don't want to contact the person who adopted her you could join a couple of horsey Facebook groups that are local. To your area and there's a good national one called chit chat and tack. Somebody may recognise her and be able to fill you in.

If it's any Consolation....my eldest at the moment is 27 but we had a section a that lived to 43, and a Welsh d x Arab that lived to mid thirties 😊

strawberrisc · 09/01/2019 05:59

Personally I wouldn’t just in case I was rejected or heard something negative but I understand why you want to.

explodingkitten · 09/01/2019 06:19

I adopted chinchillas and would be fine if the previous owner contacted me after 10 years to ask about them and I would answer within days.

blueskiesandforests · 09/01/2019 06:30

Horses are very different to dogs and cats in that they aren't exactly pets, and usually change owners 3 or 4 times over their lives.

If the farmer bought your horse (horses are usually sold if they change owner legally rather than being loaned out, not adopted) for his kids it will have been sold on again when his kids left home exactly as you and your parents did.

The best you can hope for is an update that his kids loved the horse and it was sold on in good health

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 09/01/2019 06:41

If it was me I would be happy to update you

Cauliflowersqueeze · 09/01/2019 06:43

Ahhh that’s adorable. If I had adopted your pet I’d be very happy to let you know what happened to it. I think an email is a great idea - phoning is just a bit personal.

Maybe your horse had dreams about you over the years as well!

Belenus · 09/01/2019 06:52

Your sisters were wrong and it doesn't sound odd at all. I've kept in touch with my horses' previous owners from time to time to reassure them. My first horse had to be put down when he was 18, so be prepared for that. But he had a great life while I had him, and as good and dignified a death as I was able to give him. Current horse will also be with me til death do us part.

Just be prepared - the farmer may only have hazy memories of her. I'm sorry but she well be dead - but if she had a good few years, that's not as sad as it might be. Farmers will sometimes be more sentimental than you think, and often have the space to keep old, retired horses. So I'd contact them, but just be prepared.

CatnissEverdene · 09/01/2019 07:02

Just go into it with your eyes open. It may not be the happy ending that you have in your imagination.

Original poster

MissUGirl · 09/01/2019 13:17

Huge thanks to everyone for your comments and advice. I know what you mean @Gone4Good but I have been imaginging the worst anyway and I feel I kind of owe it to her to find out what happened.

The day she left we were all so sad and our darling labrador (now also gone for many years) chased after the horse trailer down the road until we went running to call her back.

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