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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

21 kids and counting

26 replies

Tumtimes1 · 08/01/2019 23:09

Watching this prog. I doubt I’m the first to post this - but I just don’t get how a mother of over 10 maybe less is able to give the children the love care and undivided attention needed. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
SpeedyBojangles · 08/01/2019 23:10

I think she is capable of loving them all.

Giving them all the attention most children require however, no.

AtSea1979 · 08/01/2019 23:11

Who says kids need undivided attention? They will get a lot of attention from their siblings. The older ones didn’t appear like they felt hard done to.

StreetwiseHercules · 08/01/2019 23:12

Apparently her and her DP’a favourite band is Crowded House. 💥

Sarahandduck18 · 08/01/2019 23:12

There’s already quite a long thread about this.

Original poster
Tumtimes1 · 08/01/2019 23:16

Hey Sarahandduck send me the link x

OP posts:
whatsthepointthen · 08/01/2019 23:39

This is the first time ive watched it, I have to admit all the kids look well taken care of. I have 4 and struggle, and its definitely hard to give them all attention so dont think its possible
with that many.

BurtsBurk · 09/01/2019 00:03

Love yes.

Time no.

Every time |I see a thread about them I think about she was 13 and he was 18 when she was pregnant with their first, I first saw that on here and I can't forget it.

spoon19996 · 09/01/2019 00:18

I'm one of 9 and I didn't get any attention or help I needed as a teenager, I didn't walk until I was two and I didn't speak much.

I was very quiet and socially awkward and I was very embarrassed by it as a teenager. The bullying was awful for it. I didn't get to be a teenager either as I had to help out so much. Missed a lot of things with my friends and I could never have anyone over as we had a 4 bedroom house and everyone crammed in.

I was luckier too my younger siblings got less of a childhood etc as I left for uni as soon as I could and was forever made to feel guilty for doing something age appropriate and for myself. No one could believe I could leave my parents to look after their own kids. My brother 3 years younger than me had to grow up so fast I always felt bad for him. Tried to help him out as much as possible but i wanted uni and to finally have a life.

I don't have a relationship with my mum like my friends did growing up and I still don't. My mum had no idea of any of my interests as a kid and now doesn't. Talks to me like I'm a stranger most of the time.

I have no hard feelings or bitterness (I did at the time but not now). Had to teach and raise myself everything from about 8ish.

Don't get me wrong I'd love to have baby after baby but I'd never do it because I never got a mother really or to be a teenager which is definitely needed in a persons development I've struggled loads with social anxiety and just knowing how to form relationships etc.

I'm not saying I had it bad or wasn't loved etc just wasn't the best.

evenbetter · 09/01/2019 00:22

Basic day to day survival-yeah, but good parenting is simply not possible, just crowd control. Her husband first impregnated her when she was a 13 year old child and he was an adult, absolutely horrific and indefensible.

Gingerninj · 09/01/2019 00:30

From what I've seen of the family it seems like she focuses her attention on the youngest 2 or 3 and once she has another they get thrown into the mix of children and looked after by the older ones quite a bit. She certainly seems to prefer the little ones, probably why she has so many

Endofrelationship · 09/01/2019 00:34

She can't love them enough to put their needs above her own. No one needs 21 kids.

HelenaDove · 09/01/2019 00:38

im on the other thread but i wouldnt mind betting that some of their children choose to be childfree by choice themselves when they are older.

elliesm98 · 09/01/2019 00:40

Have you seen her YouTube video showing the house? The bedrooms look like they picked the cheapest possible stuff and chucked it into one room. There’s no space for personal things. Looks very much like a care home

Walnutwhipster · 09/01/2019 00:41

@spoon19996 I'm one of eight and agree with everything you say. The media attention only encourages them. I feel desperately sorry for the children.

Babyroobs · 09/01/2019 00:47

First time for me watching it tonight. I felt stressed just watching especially when he was knocking the kitchen down a couple of weeks before she was due to give birth.

elliesm98 · 09/01/2019 00:54

spoon19996

I agree with everything you said too. I’m one of 12

HelenaDove · 09/01/2019 00:56

As i said on the other thread i think there is a strong chance there will be a tell all book from one of the kids when they get older.

Other thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/telly_addicts/3468792-21-kids-and-counting

BurtsBurk · 09/01/2019 00:59

18 = man
13 = child

What kind of man would find a child attractive? Yuck, just YUCK.

elephantinstripeysocks · 09/01/2019 01:00

i genuinely couldnt be arsed with 21 kids. 3 is enough for me!! imagine the noise levels. and the mess. and the washing. when do they even find time to make these babies with people constantly around and a newborn 24/7 for the last 30 years.

HelenaDove · 09/01/2019 01:04

ellie im only one of two I cant imagine being one of 12

I did look after my younger DB during summer and other school holidays Both my parents had to work but as DB was only two years younger than me that mostly entailed watching videos together , microwaved food and going to the local corner shop for comics crisps/chocolate I cant imagine having to look after a load of toddlers while in my teens.

BrendasUmbrella · 09/01/2019 01:11

My mum had no idea of any of my interests as a kid and now doesn't. Talks to me like I'm a stranger most of the time.

Same here, I'm one of six. There are not enough hours in the day for them to give each child all the care and attention they need.

spoon19996 · 09/01/2019 01:13

@Gingerninj this is what my mum did paid the babies attention more then just left the rest
She even made the comment "I don't share them at that ages they are just mine"
It can't be good for the kids to see a lot of attention on some of them and not others.

Endofrelationship · 09/01/2019 06:36

I'm 'only' one of 5 and even with a SAHM one to one attention from either parent was virtually nonexistent. Hated it. You can't adequately meet each child's needs.

Gingerninj · 09/01/2019 10:07

@spoon19996 I'm the oldest of 6, I never had a close relationship with my mum because she was all over the youngest ones whilst I was a free babysitter and cleaner. It might have 20 or 19 kids and counting but I remember hearing one of the oldest girls say something along the lines of "i think she does prefer the younger ones over the teenagers"

mammy0f0ne · 09/01/2019 13:06

I haven't seen this season yet.
I have a younger brother from my step mum and we have the same dad.

I lived with my dad as an only child for 9 years and then my little brother came along and because I was 12 I was pushed to one side so I can't imagine what it would've been like to have multiple siblings! I really feel for these kids that won't get to know their parents and vice versa.