In trouble at school or In school at trouble?

[advicepleasee]

Not sure if this is the right place to come but a friend recommended this forum.

Basically by son who is 16 had to move schools at the start of Year 11 due to a change in location. Big nightmare basically due to changing GCSE courses, finding right school nearby etc. We ended up chosing a school which was not ideal but accepted him and seemed the best option.

Since september he has been steadily getting into more and more trouble at school. However, this has NEVER happened before moving my son to this current school, he has always had a good school record and still behaves at home. He has always been a lovely caring boy, looking after his younger siblings, not to say he is perfect but I thought I had lucked out.

I cannot believe the sort of stuff the school write to me that he has done, and he genuinely seems shocked at some of it, says it hasn't happened or it's been hugely over exaggerated, says that teachers just don't like him and that everyone's behaviour is awful.

Am I being unreasonable to blame the school for this behaviour? Or do I need to accept that my son has changed? I really am not sure, part of me thinks this MUST be due to something the school is doing wrong.

I guess you have to ask yourself whether it is more likely that adult professionals would sit and make up stories and lies about your son because they have nothing better to do in their no free time, or if it is possible that your teenage son, pulled out of school at the start of his most important year, might just be playing up.

It depends on what the school is saying your child has done, for example;

School say: child has used offensive/vulgar language.
You say: he doesn’t swear at home.

• chances are it’s true - as the majority do- he may use words or phrases with friends that he wouldn’t around you as he knows you won’t tolerate it.

They say: he’s throwing things around the class and been terribly disruptive
He says: he threw a paper aeroplane that made his mate laugh

• in this situation the school is technically right, however it sounds more of an issue than how your son explains.

But agree with PP - his attitude may have changed due to the change in his life. As far the acting shocked - I don’t think most teenagers would readily confess to doing something they know will have consequences

My ss is a teen and butter would not melt in his mouth with his parents
He's almost always in trouble since starting seniors but the good news is, all of the teachers are lying and don't like him. Thank goodness, I was worried he was being an oik

Basically by son who is 16 had to move schools at the start of Year 11

I hope your justification for doing this is life and death. Because if you were holding a "when is the worst possible time for a child to move school" sweepstake, the person holding "beginning of Year 11" is going to be feeling pretty good.

your poor son.
I am guessing that you didn't have much choice about moving, these things happen, but the poor kid. My ds is 16 and in year 11, and if we had had to move his school, I think all the goodwill we have built up with him over the years as being 'OK' parents, would all have gone out of the window.
He would have been devastated at the loss of social group, friendships. The disruption to his education and the crashing disaster of doing different courses would make him give up on working and GCSEs, as all the work he has put in has been a watse of time.

I am not trying to give you a hard time. I get that this happens, but really, there is no surprise that he is struggling.

My suggestion:
Sit down with him and apologise for the move. Ask him genuinely how he is doing with shcool, friends? course work? teachers?
Ask him how you can work together to make this work - remind him he just has 6 months, and it is crucial to make it work and do the the best he can. While the school may be more hard line on things he think are minor, he has got to accept that that is how it is , and knuckle down and make it work. If he has your sympathy, your support, but also your kick up the backside, he shoudl be able to make it work.