To let DS off this swimming gala?

[MegBusset]

DS (9) is not a confident swimmer. He had private lessons for a while but never got past 25m and the pool he used closed down 18 months ago (he's on a waiting list with another provider for more lessons). In the summer we have use of an open air pool and he happily bobs about in the shallow end but is not confident out of his depth. School do a minimal amount of lessons - half an hour a week for one half term a year.

He's received a letter this week saying he's been picked (along with only a few of his classmates) to compete in an inter school swimming gala. It's a proper swimming race in a big pool. He is desperate not to do it. He has form for being anxious about such things and I'm pretty sure that if I agree to it there will be tears and worry about it. It's not compulsory but his teacher is keen for him to do it (apparently he swam a length in a school swimming lesson so they have him classed as a swimmer!).

Do I:

• Make him do it on the grounds that it's no good for his anxiety to avoid stuff he doesn't want to do, and even if he comes last and hates it he'll survive;

• Let him off on the grounds that it's no fun doing sporty stuff that you don't enjoy, he'll worry about it right up to the day, and he is more likely to be put off swimming by being pushed to do something he doesn't feel ready for?

If it was any other kind of sporting tournament eg football I'd tell him to go along and do his best but I tend to think swimming is a bit of an exception if you're not sure you can actually do it!

I would talk to his teacher about why he was chosen. It seems an odd thing to select children for when they all the know of his ability is that he swam 1 length.

I would also reassure him that he does not need to attend. It could be quite dangerous if he panicked and got overwhelmed whilst trying to keep pace.

Irrespective of the fact his teacher is keen for him to do it, it doesn't sound like he will get much out of the experience and I am sure lots of other children in his class would rather go.

Swimming teacher here, personally I wouldn’t try and push someone to do something they werent comfortable doing.

On a side note do get him lessons again it’s such an important skill and with the right company he will gain in confidence in his own pace.

Decline the invitation for him to participate. I'd think badly of anyone who would try and force him, tbh.

Speak to his teacher about why he was chosen? Seems odd that there arent any other 9 year olds in the school who are more able and more confident.

Decline but do try to get him swimming again at his own pace in time. It's really such an important skill and also a useful one later in life as a way of keeping fit/for rehabilitation purposes after an injury.

I was in a similar situation as your ds growing up and would not recommend you make him do it. I could swim ok but everyone else was a really strong swimmer (e.g. all dived in at the start of the race and I couldn't dive) and although nobody said anything I felt quite humiliated. At aged 9 at a gala I would imagine many of the others will be really good swimmers, possibly in clubs etc. Unless the event is specifically aimed at new/nervous swimmers I would avoid and concentrate on improving his confidence at his own pace.

Thanks all, sounds unanimous and my gut feeling was the same. I remember being put down for a whole day swimming gala in high school and dreading it - I was so relieved when my mum let me stay home from school. I really enjoy swimming now but not competitively!