Anyone advice? New job? Anxious girl

[Jax07]

I am in a bad place. I actually cant remember when or if I was ever feeling well and happy mentally. Not even childhood.

Last year in July(Goodness me I actually cant believe it has been 6 months) I left my last job. It was a mutual decision as the job was in childcare the family didn't need me any longer and I was ready for a change too. I left on good terms and still in touch.

I have been on the job hunt for 6 months. It has been so hard I can not even tell. I am wanting to make a change but something is going wrong here.
I the middle of December I got a job offer. Its for a horrendous company, I didn't have good feeling during the interview or now and they pay pennies. But I took the job as that was the only I had offered.
I am supposed to start next Monday. they did not make it 100% clear and only just had it clarified today that my first week is a training week 60 miles from where I live. They willing to book a hotel but I feel very anxious. I don't want this job and still have been looking for something else but obviously I need a job. I just feel like they did not communicate the details well and just my gut says no! but to be fair my gut rarely ever 'says' yes...

I am genuinely a quite anxious person. I struggle with a lot of things (I know who doesn't right?) and I just feel like I cant cope any longer. I have had suicidal thought but I don't think I would ever go ahead with it. I have a boyfriend and that is it. I share things with him but at the end he tells me to man up and crack on with things or he tells me that he doesn't know what to say. I understand this, and before anyone says I am not asking him to fix my problems or tell me what to do, I just sometimes need support. Probably too often though. I feel like a burden and anxious all the time I don't know how to fix things.
Now here is this job, what should I do? Go ahead with it? What is the worst that can happen?... Anyone any advice?

Sorry your feeling that way! You could always give the job ago until your offered something else? Would you be able to get to the training course Ok? I know it's hard but sometimes it's helpful to really push yourself just a little, you'll feel good for going and it may not be as bad as you think. I suffer with anxiety too and I feel I'm constantly having to push myself out of my comfort zone or the anxiety just gets worse. Do see your gp about how your feeling, they can help! Don't suffer.

What are your concerns about the new employer?

Use it as an opportunity to learn some new skills that you could add to your cv doesn’t matter if it’s not your dream job just think of it as a stepping stone to the next one. It may not be as bad as you think

Your anxiety comes across in the way you write and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. However, you say something really positive and it’s a question I ask myself when dealing with my own anxiety: “what’s the worst than can happen”. Seriously, what IS the worst that can happen? You go on the training and realise you really don’t like the company?

Separately from the job you do need to get your anxiety under control and it absolutely is possible. I would speak to your GP. They may prescribe anti depressants which can be very helpful, but I’d also suggest working on why you feel the way you do and learning to control your thoughts. Cognitive Behavioural therapy is useful.