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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His reaction - AIBU ??

29 replies

formerbrosfan · 08/01/2019 11:49

Super petty, but part of a general problem, re: the way DP reacts to normal day to day things.....
Out shopping with DP today, he's driving through carpark and turning left, a car parked right on the end of the row starts to reverse out as he's turning...he's looking in the opposite direction. I say 'watch that car pulling out', he shouts at me 'I saw it, mind your own effing business, I'm driving not you'.......I tell him normal reaction is to say, its ok thanks love, I saw it....row ensues..... AIBU??

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 08/01/2019 11:51

That is not a normal response. It's the response made by an angry man who doesn't respect his partner. He wouldn't talk to his friends or his boss like that.

Sirzy · 08/01/2019 11:52

It’s not a normal response.

But do you regularly tell him how to drive and point things out? Perhaps he is just annoyed at that?

Shoxfordian · 08/01/2019 11:54

Its normal for an arsehole to reply like that

Mummylife2018 · 08/01/2019 11:56

Yeah it's like he hates you or something??

ErickBroch · 08/01/2019 12:03

Eh, he wasn't nice but my DP every time I drive dramatically points out things I have very obviously already seen. It's incredibly annoying. I am not saying you are at all, but maybe you comment more than you realise.

His reaction was not nice though! I'd be wound up.

AdamNichol · 08/01/2019 12:16

If that was your only comment, then his reaction is way OTT. However...

FIL gets a constant commentary from MIL, SIL, or DW (whoever is with him) when driving about all road conditions and hazzards. He likes it this way. DW thought it was normal. Drove me * nuts when I was driving her. Felt like a constant stream of passive-criticism. We eventually reached an accommodation.

Like some of the other posters here, I'd reserve judgement until you know how much commentary you give as a passenger.

Original poster
formerbrosfan · 08/01/2019 12:53

I don't give commentary (as it would drive me nuts too!), DP was looking in the total opposite direction at someone crossing the road, I said in a normal tone, watch that car pulling out......

OP posts:
WeeBean · 08/01/2019 12:59

I would be livid if my DH spoke to me like that! He sounds like an angry and highly strung man!

FlagFish · 08/01/2019 13:01

That is not super petty, and I would not be happy if my DH regularly did it.

Hillarious · 08/01/2019 13:15

Sounds like your DP doesn't deserve the D.

Original poster
formerbrosfan · 08/01/2019 13:55

I asked him to take me home, that I didn’t want to go shopping with someone who thinks it’s ok to react like that.......he told me I was a ‘c’ word and drove home.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 08/01/2019 16:20

Jez what a prize prick. His reaction was completely OTT. He should have apologied but when to call the c word.
Personally I would have turned verbal ninja on him. It is disgusting. Is he usually so hot headed.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/01/2019 16:25

he told me I was a ‘c’ word and drove home

He's sounds vile. Does he call you other names? Do you call him names?

URGH.

pinkyredrose · 08/01/2019 16:25

Get rid, he sounds fowl.

pinkyredrose · 08/01/2019 16:26

Foul even.

AdamNichol · 08/01/2019 16:30

the way DP reacts to normal day to day things

Is this a growing problem or always thus? Could be a red flag of abuse, it could be an early sign of a degenerative condition. Sorry to worry you.

pajamallama · 08/01/2019 16:38

Wow. He sounds like an abusive moron. Is he always like this?

pickingdaisies · 08/01/2019 16:45

Shock Well that would be the first and last time if DP said that to me. And we've had plenty of arguments.

Lizzie48 · 08/01/2019 17:08

From what you've described, his reaction was definitely well OTT. And swearing at you is never ok, you shouldn't put up with that.

My DH gets very angry when driving and swears at the other drivers (not for them to hear, just me), so I do know that some men change personality when behind the wheel. But he's never sworn at me.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 08/01/2019 17:11

Your husband sounds awful he speaks to you like shit, how long have you been married for?

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 08/01/2019 17:12

Sorry I see you're not married, but how long have you been with him and more to the point why are you with him??

CantWaitToRetire · 08/01/2019 17:12

Have you been with this man long OP? Do you live together? I'd be seriously considering if this relationship has any future and deciding not if my DP spoke to me like that.

BeanTownNancy · 08/01/2019 17:17

My husband might give me a short/sarcastic "I know/I'm not blind" but he would never be aggressive or swear at me for no reason.

Yours sounds like a "c word" himself. I wouldn't stay with a man with a temper like that personally.

Mitzimaybe · 08/01/2019 17:26

As a one-off I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt but as you say "part of a general problem" then I assume this is typical of him when you were only being helpful. In which case his general attitude is unacceptable and I would question why you want to be with someone like that.

Fannybaws52 · 08/01/2019 17:41

Day to day, test how he talks to you. Would his work mates or family get the treatment you do? If not, why is it okay to speak to you so horribly? Perhaps there should be consequences?